Warnings before films.

Posted on by

I just turned the telly on to watch Hobson’s Choice when the announcer announced that “the following film is classified as P.G”. Who the fuck could find anything offensive in ” Hobson’s Choice? I’ve watched it several times and haven’t heard a single swear word or seen as much as a flash of tit or bush. I have also not noticed any violence,stabbing,mugging,drug-selling or benefit fraud…I expect this is because there are no Dark Keys in it. I have also not witnessed any Depravity or Debauchery…I expect this is because the film was made before The Gayness was invented.

But back to subject…I can’t imagine that anyone who is watching some old black and white film from 1954 is likely to have need of Parental Guidance…I’d be amazed if they even had a Parent still drawing breath never mind issuing guidance on what to watch.

Nominated by Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler

87 thoughts on “Warnings before films.”

  1. It probably needs a PG rating because, coming from a saner era, it does not feature any pc mixed race couples, or transgender children. Such material challenges the Libtard worldview and is therefore liable to offend any snowflakes.

    Fuck off.

    • Hilarious MMCM, but the sad thing is you’re probably not far off the truth!! The clocks are striking 13 on a bright cold April morning….

      • Sad but true Cuntan. If you read any fictional dystopia these days the parallels with the UK in 2019 are disturbing. Except of course the Handmaids Tale which is the opposite of what we have today. But certainly 1984 and Fahrenheit 451 were very prescient.

      • Just seen your comment re Commando mag; funnily enough was in Smiths the other day and noticed them still on the shelves!! Didn’t read one though, doubt they’re the same as the old tales of tough-as-nails Tommies rucking with duelling-scar faced Nazi warlords; most likely they have a sit-down group therapy session with them these days to discuss their “feelinz”

      • Fortunately the new Commando Comics still reprint the glory tales of yesteryear in the “Gold and Silver Collection”, along with new stuff which is not as good. I wonder for how long, though?

      • Ahhh, “Commando” Comics – many an hour as a poorly child – Chickenpox or swollen glands (throat so sore you could barely swallow that spoon of penicilin) – blanket over the knees, while I read about Tommy Atkins, garrotting Fritz with a cheese wire…
        …….happy days …..

      • Aaah, Fahrenheit 451, what a fabulous film. Never read the book but the film was brilliant. You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was working in the village where Guy Montag’s house was set. Just drove down the road and nearly crashed when I saw his house!

      • “…and Fahrenheit 451 were very prescient.”

        Working on a script at the moment for a current affairs documentary with the working title “Farenheit 213” – based on the temperature at which my piss comes to the boil and my cockend starts whistling like a fucking hob kettle.

    • I’d like the cunts to announce what they think could be bad in anyway for anyone, and if for some reason some cunt came forward to make a complaint. Death becomes them by hibernation for life. Then they could not be possibly upset and feel bad. Cunts.

  2. Talkig PIctures is a great station but they ruin their reputation by pandering to snowflakes and pansy internet warriors. They even suggest “PG” Parental Guidance for Catweazle, which for fucks sack was MADE as a childrens afternoon show in 1969/70. Comedy shows get a warning about *inuendo* , and 1940s/50s films aboit “bad langauge” because somebody might say “bloody”.

    These wankers would get a shock if they ever repeat some of the BBCs grown up output of the 1960s/70s. How would they cope with the Steptoe films? Ollie and Jemima would ;piss in their pants with outrage.

    • This is why you can no longer buy Till Death Do Us Part. One of the greatest comedies of all time, which actually takes the piss out of Alf Garnett. Alas, lost for ever.

      Welcome to the world of Fahrenheit 451 and 1984.

      Double plus fuck off.

      • And don’t forget the “ Scouse Git”. Unfortunately the “ Scouse Git” is responsible for bringing Cherie Blair into the world.

  3. There’s Northern accents – there’s been too many of them on TV recently! And, being set in the North, scenes of poverty and deprivation.

  4. The fact that it is called a film and not a “movie” demonstrates its total unsuitability for snowflake viewing. “Black and White”? Sounds a bit raaay-sist to me.

  5. How the fuck today’s snowflakes would cope with the Finishing Line from 1977. I recall our school screened that one when it first came out.

    It did the trick – I never fucked around on the tracks again.

    • When I was in the first year of high school I joined a film club run by one of the teachers.
      It was fucking ace . Our RE teacher (cunt) was off Sick so we got to spend the last lessons of the afternoon In the assembly hall watching Blazing Saddles.
      I was 13. Can you begin to imagine that situation nowadays?

      • We had a film club that would meet in the evening but there were only certain pupils that could join (never did know the criteria) and, at 12, we’d get to watch films such as Assault on Precinct 13, All the President’s Men, some really good films that were rated 18 at the time.

      • Same as ours Moggie. Normally evenings. Some really good films that kids of our age would normally have to skank a pirate video to be able to see.

    • I lived in the south west as a kid and we had to watch films about rabies in the late 70s.

      Fucking terrifying. The used real footage of a bloke dying of rabies. Massive beard full of goz. Poor bloke was going nuts, flailing about shouting gibberish. We got to see dogs with rabies too I can still see it now. We were shitting our pants thinking about going home to our own dogs for weeks after.

      We even watched the World at War documentary too at primary school. Some pretty shocking footage in that too (death camps, bodies on the ground after battle etc).

      We watched in silence, but then dusted ourselves down and had a game of bulldog in the playground. Or war, of course (no girls allowed).

      Nowadays they’d need six months therapy, the teachers would be fired and then replaced with trannies and communists.

      Fuck off.

  6. Charles Laughton plays a fat jovial drunk. A stereotype that ought not to be perpetuated. Therefore it should be banned.

  7. I shudder to think what warnings will have to be issued when I release my film “The Anthony Blair Story” – especially the flashbacks to our hero in London’s 1970s public lavatories when Charles Lynton ran amok, plus all the bumfuckery of the 1990s with Mandy and various fruity gentleman on Clapham Common. The film won’t be released – it will escape.

  8. Channel 4’s Red Triangle for guaranteed teenage tugging gets my vote circa 1985.
    The rest of it is most misleading and should fuck off.

  9. I read somewhere that the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC – the twats that give ratings for films), are considering broadening the classifications to include racism, sexism and homophobia etc.

    So for example, a PG rated film of old would normally warrant a warning such as (mild violence & language; action and suspense). But in the near future it may be appended to include the usual Cards.

    After all we must not offend the Snowflakes now should we!

  10. Sometimes they also make some cuntish announcement about “language or views which were nirmal at the time and are now considered offensive” or some such shit. A guarantee I will watch it.

  11. ITV 4 show The Professionals regularly – the Martin Shaw/Gordon Jackson/Lewis Collins series from the 1970s full of violence and gore but don’t find it necessary to issue any warnings, yet Talking Pictures find it necessary to say Richard O’Sullivan might say “titty”, in Robins Nest or they might use the word “poof” or “coloured” in a late 1960s Public Eye with Alfred Burke. I wondered if I should guide my son about the re-runs of Catweazle at weekends, when LWT never issued those warnings when he wa 6 – now he is 54.

  12. What about those old films about some old war or something where Germans are getting splattered all over the place? That can’t be helpful with European harmony. There’s also a lot of tanks and planes polluting the environment and operated by nasty, brutal, aggressive men. Shocking!

    • I also hope they won’t ban the wonderful Commando Comics which indulged in similar themes. I have a few hundred of those and they will have to prize them out of my cold dead hands, the bastards.

    • well. the argument by Al BBC seems to be that we fought the Nazis, not the Germans. Funny that. I’m just back from Warsaw and it must have been someone who wasn’t the Germans who destroyed 85% of the city and packed off over a million Jews to the gas chambers.

  13. Spot on. What was wrong with the old system I grew up with in the ’80s – U; rubbish, don’t bother. PG – if it’s a comedy might be a laugh, otherwise don’t bother. 15 – now we’re talking, might be some tits and definitely violence. 18 – get in!!! Tits and fanny galore, massive amounts of gratuitous violence – fill yer boots. None of this “12A” crap.
    I’d love to hijack a multiplex, lock the doors and screen some proper nasty shit to a captive audience of snowflakes; must dig my August Underground and Guinea Pig collections out

      • Good one. Ironically enough Michael Rooker now appears in fucking Marvel films… oooh, A Serbian Film – that would get some snowflakes melting

      • Whoa…….Just read the plot on Wiki, Cuntan.
        That is some serious shit!!

        That’s now in my Must watch list now.😳😀

      • To be honest you’d struggle to call it a “good” film…. the director’s always maintained it’s a social comment on the Serbian government’s treatment of the people: hmmm, not sure

      • A Serbian film is probably my favourite film where somebody gets stabbed to death with a cock through the eye socket.

      • Beogradski mafia is good but I doubt it has subtitles, bunch of kids try to take out the old school criminals (they die) Ljepo celo ljepo plamen, released with subtitles, a story of a unit trapped in a motorway tunnel by the Bosnian advance, pretty realistic and very apocalypse now.
        Jadran films arnt so good, Kako rat Je Pochelo na mnom ortok was a bit shit, Kad Mrtvi zapjevali was reasonably ok, but still shit.

  14. One of the greatest most disturbing yet thought-provoking TV documentaries, was “The World at War”, first broadcast in the early 70s and narrated by Sir Lawrence Olivier.

    I doubt it would ever see the light of day on terrestrial TV, unless it was censored to fuck in order to keep the snowflake and peace-freaks free from mental stress

    • An old pal of mine introduced me to this when it was shown on Ch2 back in the mid 90’s, I think.

      Theme music sent a chill down your spine.

    • I remember, as an early teen in the mid 70’s, this was essential viewing in our house every Sunday morning, very powerful documentary.

      • Lots of graphic combat footage and pictures of blown apart bodies too.
        Ickle Freddie Bentley would run away screaming…

  15. I often think the millenial cunts must never have clocked the Carry On films; Bernard Bresslaw in Blackface, fuck me they’d have kittens if they saw that!!

  16. It would however be useful if Pornhub issued these warnings before I get too settled…” Warning! This film may contain scenes of Dark Keys doing “da white women”” would probably be a great help with my inadequacy issues.

    • I settled down to have a tug the other night…fucking disaster… just a terrible fuzzy picture of some sad-looking old Cunt with his shrivelled knob in his hand…..it was then that I realised that I had forgotten to turn the laptop on.

    • Nothing worse than when you’re reaching the end of the tunnel and some horrid great dark key member, like a baby’s arm holding an apple, hoves into view from out of frame to deposit two litres of their horrid off-white jizz

      • Oh there is…when your on the vinegar strokes, past the point of no return, and the fucking screen freezes on a view of some Dark Key’s arse doing her from behind in close-up.

        Morning,Cuntan.

      • Morning Dick. (Funnily enough morning dick was never a problem 20 years ago, couldn’t get rid of the damned thing; like trying to shove a sausage through a letter box these days). Yes, the old chocolate starfish with horrid curly afro pubes all around it; nothing guaranteed to ruin your moment of glory better

  17. I seriously wonder how these little teenagers cope with porn?. Back in my day it was Health & Efficiency or other wank magazines then 8mm silent porn stuff – a bloke and bird on a tandem in a country lane then a quick bunk up in a field. Do they watch Pornhub?. At one time hand-shandy became the go to option for your hands – now it’s mobile phones and social media. Perhaps they don’t do it any more?. Perhaps that is why it took Gaylord Adonis till he was nearly 60 to realise he was bent.

  18. I wouldn’t object to a warning that this ‘movie’ (ugh, spit) is chock-full of left-wing PC claptrap.

  19. Just looking at Gary Linekunt’s ugly smug mug is enough for me to be offended and mentally disturbed for the rest of the evening!

  20. Timely cunting, Disney are now to put warnings on their old ‘classics, something like “This film contains racists or sexist stereotypes.”

    Fair enough, how much longer can we sit back and watch young children rush off to join the KKK after watching Dumbo or become misogynistic after watching Snow White, not to mention the suffering it’s caused the vertically challenged.

    Gay porn is probably fine though.

    • I am glad to hear that SV, as I am planning a lezzieporno called Going Down starring Diane Abbott, Emily Thornberry, Jo Swinson and Jess Phillips done up as a lift attendant encountering the butch ladies who enter her store. Emily the corset modeller, Jo the dentists wife (he’s a masochist) and Diane of course is a personal trainer and failed Weightwatcher. Jess soon loses her uniform of high heel silver shoes, jockstrap and nipple tassels…… A nudie widescreen epic.

  21. Warning: this film contains scenes of children with a male and female parent both on occasion being classified as white British.

  22. Warnings before films are crucial.

    Many scenes in ’50s & ’60s films depict cunts smoking. Surely for that alone they should be classified PG, if not X?

    If I was in charge of the British Board of Film Classification I would decree all tabs be airbrushed out immediately.

    • No joke, they already do that in a Thailand. Gory violence, Ladyboys and tarts ejecting ping pong balls from their pussies are allowed though.

  23. Of course the reason they have all these warnings is because they know there are so many wankers out there who are determined to be offended, usually on behalf of some cunt who doesn’t give a fuck. It’s the same reason they tell you “this coffee may be hot” and “this product (a packet of peanuts) may contain nuts.” There’s always some bastard who wants a good old moan up.
    If you are giving Xmas presents to children you should put a sticker on them…….”your spoilt brat may be disappointed with this cheap piece of shit but it’s the thought that counts……cunt”

    • But rather then tell the whinging minority to shut the fuck up, the broadcasters, or whomever, bend over backwards to accommodate the cunts!

  24. Hobson’s choice basically means “take it or leave it!”

    This is offensive because it only applies to the working UK taxpayer.

    Anyone else is gifted a world of choice for free, courtesy of the UK taxpayer who has no other choice than to pay for it!

    Cunts!

  25. Must have been the scene where Charles Laughton is wanking in the cellar.
    Oh, and it’s set in Salford which might trigger southern snowflakes.

  26. What pisses off (amongst many other things) is how TV commercials can be banned/withdrawn because 3 people complained which the TV watchdog upheld!

    How the fuck does democracy work if millions of other people watching the same commercial don’t give a rosy fuck, but because a handful of cunts objected it gets pulled!?

    I can see this happening with films & TV programmes despite the classification warnings. I suppose I can understand concern for racism & homophobia from a previous era; but even today people object to the smallest of things. For example if we see a white couple having sex, or even kissing in a scene, will some cunt complain saying its offensive to gays, trans and people of colour?

    Or what if we see someone eating meat, will a handful of vegan cunts complain about that with the hope of having the film banned or heavily censored?

    Thin end of the fucking wedge!

  27. I watched the boys from Brazil the other day and just prior to the scene where Larry and Greg are kicking shit out of each other Mengele’s diatribe about a world run by Jews ,blacks and orientals had been edited out ,and then of course there’s the issue of wing commander Gibson’s faithful hound in the dambusters, why edit the N word in that but not the 10 times we hear it in almost every Quentin Tarantino film. Time for a purge on fragile cunts.

    • I wonder how American university literature courses cope with Huckleberry Finn and N+++++ Jim (euphemism necessary in case of Thought Police interception) floating down the Mississippi on a raft in a potential interracial child abuse scenario. Conrad´s “N+++++ of the Narcissus” has probably gone the same way as Agatha Christiés “Ten Little Youknowwhats”.

  28. It always makes me laugh as well when some shit on the telly like ‘Corrie’ or ‘Bellenders’ has a theme (suicide or something) which compels them to show a phone line at the end, in case some wilting soul is affected by the programme.
    Fuck me, how ever did we get through WW2??

    Great nom, Dick.

  29. Growing up in the 60s, our school would charge us a ‘tanner’, or 6d or todays modern equivalent 2 1/2 pence, then they would take us as a group to watch such delights as ‘Kes’, cathy come home, nell dunns poor cow & up the the junction, later it would be something like ‘here we go round the mulberry bush’ a sort of rights of passage film, no doubt the fucking snowflake generation would find something wrong with all those brilliant films the utter useless cunts that they are!

  30. I can understand about warnings about flashing images and strobe lighting.
    Other than that my mind boggles.

    P.s that advert before films on DVD. That one something like…

    Advert: You wouldn’t steal a phone.
    Me: I might.
    Advert: You wouldn’t a car.
    Me: I might.
    Advert: You wouldn’t steal a purse.
    Me: I might.
    Advert: *Endless wouldn’ts*

    Me: *Angry* Right I forking will!!!
    Egging me on with reverse psychology.

Comments are closed.