The Health Gestapo

I would like to give these twats a good cunting. There is not a day goes by without the constant drip drip of press releases telling you what you should or should not eat or drink, what’s good for you and what isn’t. Have you noticed recently though how it’s been ratcheted up? It’s not just bad for you – it’ll fuckin’ kill you! Now men are told that they must limit their drinking to 14 units a week. I can’t find any scientific basis for this so I am going to stick with the advice of my friend, the alcohol scientist Dr K Polkolainen who says drinking a bottle of wine a day isn’t bad for you( actually true-Google it). I trust him because he used to work for the WHO and has carried out lots of research. However, he does say 9 bottles would be a little excessive. We are now told that if you eat so much as one bacon sandwich a day it will kill you(colorectal cancer). This is fantastic news for the religious wars about to take place. We can subdue the peacefuls with bacon butties. However, the worst piece of news to come out this week is that “laziness is killing us”. WTF? If this were true I’d have died a thousand deaths during my lifetime! Well, I’ll have to end it there- I’m off for a jog around the block. Fuck the health gestapo, the shower of cunts.

Nominated by Bluntspeakingcunt

51 thoughts on “The Health Gestapo

  1. Excellent nomination BSC. Everything in moderation, including moderation. Which means every now and again you should get absolutely gale force pissed and sleep in the gutter with the remains of a kebab as a pillow.

    Remember when the advice was one glass of wine a day was healthy? I recall mentalist Icelandic screecher Bjork saying you should save it for the weekend and drink a bottle of vodka instead.

    Yuval Harari is NOT a cunt IMHO…

  2. For as long as I can remember there’s always been something out there will kill us. It’s all about the Ruling Class using fear to control us:
    Mad cow disease
    Foot and mouth
    Bird flu
    Swine flu

    And now the latest thing for us to scared of is Nigel Farage, which is exactly why I’m voting for him!!!

    • And after all @ Cunt me in, isn’t life just relative. If you had Rabies & I offered you Bird Flu, you would bite my hand off.

  3. The reason for reducing men’s intake is a VS/political one – in other words its sexist!

    So just like that they reduce it by 33% with probably no empirical scientific evidence to back it up.

    Why not just come out and say don’t drink any booze, don’t smoke, don’t eat any shit food at all for the rest of your miserable lives. That way you can live longer, become senile, arthritic and incontinent for a whole lot longer while wasting your lives in expensive care homes while everyone dips their fingers into your inheritance!

    Scientists are like health freaks – they’re hypocritical nutters who will be prepared to show you any “evidence” in favour of what you want just so long as you pay them enough!

    Today you shouldn’t drink any red wine at all (report funded by the Mineral Water Cunts Association); tomorrow you can drink as much red wine as you want (report funded by the Red Wine Cunts Association)

    Next, there will be a ban on wanking (gawd help some of the cunters on here if that happened!)

      • I found through personal experience that using your left hand and not your right will reverse the effects.

      • Not true. After a lifetime of ambidextrous self abuse I now look like a Japanese sniper.

      • I read somewhere, so it doesn’t get much truer than that, that wanking is good for the pecs, and that no matter which hand you prefer, both sides will develop equally. This has been a public information post.

      • It’s a scientific fact Komodo that off loading regularly stops you getting Prostrate Cancer.

  4. The health Gestapo have to keep changing the goal posts on a regular basis cos if they don’t they would be out of a very cushy job once they have nothing left to do you what’s the point their of existence.

  5. You have forgotten about our MENTAL health problems, so beloved of our royal princes, who know all about it. Look cunts, their grandad killed their mum and they got over it.
    Yes day after day we are reminded of our mental fragility, that depression is normal, it’s ok to cry and we need to TALK to someone. They wheel out endless slebs, millionaire footballers and assorted other cunts (never politicians you notice) to hammer home the message. Be aware , ladies and gentlemen, they can’t wait to stick that label on you. Once you have the label you can never shake it off and they have you where they want you. Scream and shout that you are perfectly sane????…….well that’s exactly what mental cases do. Now take these pills, you’ll feel much better. Docile , happy people are easy to control. Why do you think prisons are awash with drugs?
    Hey, just because i’m paranoid schizophrenic doesn’t mean they ain’t out to get me.
    The cunts.

      • Those cunts are depressed because there conscience has caught up with them RTC.
        They can’t stop thinking about all the people they have fucked over. Or maybe not. Just a bunch of miserable Bastards.

      • Very few in Parliament have consciences Fenton. Most of them, like Mrs May, are sociopaths. Any normal cunt would have topped herself by now.

  6. All these health warnings… Don’t the poor ave enough to worry abaaaaaht.
    It’s not rocket science, eat various healthy things and vary it up each day, yeah have a fried breakfast now and again. Everything in moderation and a little of what you like now and again is fine same with alcohol. Most normal people can understand this and don’t need some ‘We know better’ cunts telling them what to eat.
    There are simply too many people and most don’t look after themselves, if the government let these selfish cunts rot in the streets like the good old days you’d see a massive change in attitudes.
    Go fuck yourselves.

    • Morning B&WC, have you seen the ‘Theresa May’s Face’ nom from yesterday? There was much discussion on whether you would ‘stick your tongue up her asshole’.

      • Morning LL, I have read the thread and have to say I am most pleased to see my fellow cunters talking about me and my perversions so caringly and in an understanding way.
        I only say it when I find a Lady sexy you see… A bit like when I heard someone say ‘I’d eat the sweetcorn out of her shit’…impressive to show love and affection but eating sweetcorn out of shit is a bit far… Even for me.
        I wish I had chimed in but was busy doing a bit of this and that.

    • Mornng B&WC. You said that your white side prevented you from drowning. I am very interested in this. Is it you left side or your right side? I am thinking when you are preparing food do you go for the knife with your right hand or your left hand? Dr Stranglove comes to mind. I would have consulted Mr Fiddler on this but I am beginning to believe that he is not serious in his research. Like I am.

      • MP, I am actually right handed but eat with the knife in my left hand.
        If I’m stabbing a bit of salmon that I am preparing for the freezer I’ll use my right hand.
        I am a bit complex you see, I drift in and out of the social circles from the affluent and rich to the poor and druggie types.
        I can speak to an MBE’s on day and a drug dealer the next.
        It’s all abaaaaaht being adaptive and using your social skills to get what you want and get where you want.
        To make nice music on a Piano you have to play the black and white keys.

      • Afternoon CS. ‘Rainbow In Curved Air’ is ace. As is ‘Church Of Anthrax’ with John Cale.

        Also like Philip Glass ‘Songs From Liquid Days’, ‘Koyaanisqatsi’ & ‘Einstein On The Beach’.

        Be seeing you.

      • Afternoon RTC! I’m well acquainted with all of those, all good stuff.

        Years ago, I performed “Rainbow in Curved Air” (rather successfully, too) on a modified Wersi Scala. It’s actually easy-peasy (D major 😊, and the Scala is a piece of cake with the overdubs). Nice….

      • The group Curved Air did indeed take their name from Terry Riley’s RICA album. Their debut LP ‘Air Conditioning’ in 1970 was also one of the first picture discs, and despite all the hype was pretty fucking good.

      • I did reply to your comment, B&WC, but it fell into a coal mine resulting in A♭ minor. That’s a lot of black keys, with seven “♭”s in the signature.

        ♭ ♭ ♭ ♭ ♭ ♭ ♭

      • What a knowledgeable man you are CS, I enjoy your responses and your command of written English is most impressive old chap. Are you still with your Jamaican lady friend?

      • Yes B&WC, at least I think so.

        We’ve had a curious “on/off” relationship since 2012 mostly on. Sometimes she goes “off-key” (her expression), and for months we have zero contact.

        Then it all blows over, and it’s ackee and saltfish, sharpish Tom Collins’s, Dr Alimentado, backgammon and extensive and energetic rumpty-tumpty (these being a few of her favourite things, and mine too!)

      • “Baba O’Riley” by The Who is a tribute to RICA, iirc; also I think there was a prog-rock outfit called Curved Air. One for you, RTC? Didn’t it also inspire “Tubular Bells”? It certainly inspired 18Musicians by Steve Reich.

        All-in-all, a genuinely seminal work, as I’ve cum to realise.

      • Curved Air are a 1970’s progressive English rock band who are still going today – at least some of them. When you look at the original lineup, quite a few names are crossed out. Serve the fuckers right for not following all that health advice.

      • Thank fuck it isn’t just me B&WC, I’m right handed but shovel it in with a fork in my right hand and a knife in my left too.
        Ironically, I too deal with the social extremes on a daily basis (Old boy Aristoracts one day right through to smackheads another) and I’d give Merry Terri a good rimming although she’d have to wash it first.
        Long lost white brother???

      • Evening Blimpo, good to see another man mixing in different circles… It’s a good way to see how people live in different worlds.
        Long lost white brother???
        I’m 50% English and 50% Jamaican… All rolled up in a Black and White cunt.

  7. well a bit of info you didn’t know, a US medical study noted that men with kidney stones (small) were able to pass them without medical intervention if the partook in roller coaster rides, this study was backed up with the use of a placebo kidney on a ride.
    My own experience of bungee trampolining was that it was fun, exhausting and the over exercise and forces put upon my body dislodged plaque from my arteries and deposited it in my leg (fortunately not my brain) causing an inoperable clot.
    Never saw any signs saying that it was bad for my health, on the bright side it could have been my cock

  8. Life has to be lived and made the most of, in my very humble opinion and that includes being able to enjoy the things in life that make it pleasurable, including things that may not be the healthiest options, but nevertheless make life tolerable. Let’s face it, there is so much fucking misery in this world of late and enough things to frankly make you want to curl up and stay underneath your duvet until you expire, so one must take pleasure in whatever the hell one can…..including that very large bar of Fruit and Nut…..or five (ahem) and fuck the fucking naysaying Health Police.

    As said already, it is about moderation and not going overboard with the things that we ALL KNOW are not the most healthy of choices food and drink wise, but the media and the big cheeses (low fat of course) in health and medicine scaremonger us into thinking that there is not a damned thing we can shove in our pieholes that will not have dire consequences in the long run.

    What point is there in living if we most constantly avoid everything that makes it a joy, including eating and drinking the things we like, for the sake of fuck??

    As a very, very cynical former health worker, my personal opinion is that this is less about the powers that be caring about our health and more about saving the National Heath Service money and bed spaces. Full stop, end of discussion.

    Well sorry assholes, but fuck your warnings. That Fruit and Nut is calling my name, sugar packed and calorific or not. I might even have a pre-chocolate bacon sandwich, so bowels you have been warned.


    • You sound like my old school matron, Nurse. She (and I’m not pushing the parallel here) was overweight*, no-bloody-nonsense, smoked like a chimney and was great at her job. Perhaps ISAC has a vacancy for a matron? Apply if so.

      * Back then, she was merely buxom…

      • I love those types of nurses, Komodo and thanks for the complement! I am sure if I had stuck it long enough to be a Matron, that would be me all over. I think that by the time you reach Matron, you have well earned the right to take shit from nobody!!

        I knew so many nurses who definitely did not practice healthy living whatsoever and gave not a single fuck! So many faggers and boozers it is untrue. I myself used to smoke when I was nursing (well not literally of course, Marlboro Light in hand when giving an injection, lol) but on my breaks, followed by a polo mint in the gob and saturating my uniform in deodorant so I didn’t take the whiff back on the ward with me. It was the only thing that kept me sane of a shift.

        Once I stopped nursing, I stopped smoking. Hmm….I wonder why?

      • “Marlboro Lights” Nurse Cunty? Surely not.

        I always took you for a Capstan Full Strength woman!

        PS: My mother was a nurse. She smoked Players Navy Cut (“It’s the tobacco that counts”) 😂

      • I know RTC…..I was a bit of a half-hearted lightweight when it came to fags 😂😂😂

        I would have loved to have sat their outside of A&E, still donning my plastic apron over my scrubs, legs akimbo puffing on a giant cigar, just to see the reaction from my fellow nurses……or even a pipe….. 😂😂😂

  9. There is fuck all wrong with bacon butties, fish&chips, chocs, Greggs and whatever else you fancy. Just as treats. Not as your main diet.
    Health scares are usually based on wrong understanding of statistics and the fact that ‘studies’ have to justify their funding and existence.
    The cunts.

  10. Only two things are infinite, the universe & stupidity. Though I’m not sure about the universe.

  11. I have a relative who maintains that there is no such thing as junk food, just food.
    He’s in his 90’s.
    Good afternoon.

  12. As I said in my nomination, I’m as lazy as fuck and it’s not done me any harm! Aghh, what’s that fuckin pain in my shoulder?

  13. Interesting cunting. The ‘health police’ don’t know, but what makes it worse is they think they do. In our lifetimes so far, how many times have things like eggs and milk changed from ‘instant death foods’ to ‘healthy and good for you’ and back again.

    I think most of us know by now all things in moderation, try to maintain a balanced diet with some exercise for most of the time and treating yourself once in a while won’t kill you. Do we need so-called experts to tell us this? Nope.

    In other (unrelated) news I was shocked to read on the news websites this morning that Murderpool fans have been roughing up the locals in Barcelona. I was shocked because they’re usually such calm and peaceful folk. Oh wait..I was confusing them with monks. My mistake.

    • Look, imitation yank, I’m getting pissed off with all these remarks about Liverpool fans. By the way, how did you get on the with that team of strimmers and leaf blowers I sent round to yours the other morning?
      Fuck off, yours sincerely, Genuine Limey

      • I got on great. They were so super nice that I invited them all in for tea and biscuits. We got chatting and it turns out many of them are footie fans and some of them follow Juventus. Well, the conversation took a turn from there as I’m sure you can imagine. Have a nice day. 🙂

  14. Everything in moderation…
    Too much of anything isnt good for us..
    It’s that simple..
    If your doing something wrong, your body will tell you. If you ignore it you will die..
    It’s that simple, we don’t need preaching to, we are intelligent, responsible adults. …
    Besides most of what they “preach” Is utter utter bullshit..
    Cannabis is evil and should be banned… Well, no actually it’s one of the best drugs available to us, but don’t let anyone know – it might put the pharmaceutical business in serious trouble…

    • Spot on Northern. Much of this is driven by the pharmaceutical industry. Medication I take, like many others is taken for life. These arseholes have no interest in developing one off medicines like new antibiotics as there are no sizeable profits to be made for them. They must be shitting themselves over the development of CBD oil where this cannabis derivative is proving to be effective with many diseases and conditions.

  15. I smoke like a chimney, drink a bottle of wine most days, eat meat and I get Botox to sort my wrinkles. Plus I walk the dog a lot.

    I don’t do ready meals, pasties, processed food, cake or drugs. Must be the secret as to why I’m still here.

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