People who bleach their teeth

People who bleach their teeth are cunts, aren’t they.✨

Dazzling grinders giving off the glare of a lorry’s headlights. Smiles that glow a nuclear purple. Christ on a hover board…just use a toothbrush you phosphorescent phuckwits.

Is this a subconscious desire to be a 1980s Gameshow host? The rate of cuntitude is unsurprising in the culprits: Christian Ronaldo, Bieber, Tom Cruise… but it’s not just arse-pirates who bleach their gnashers. Emma Watson, Jürgen Klöpp, the Beckhams, the Gallaghers, Morgan bloody Freeman, Colin one-trick Firth, and Emma “Aeroplane loyalty card” Thompson all shine a torch in your face.

Judging by that list of horrible cunts, let’s hope there are plenty of chemical disasters.

Listen Twinkles, teeth aren’t meant to be bright white. You look like a cunt. A dazzling, incandescent, abnormal, unnatural cunt.


Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

54 thoughts on “People who bleach their teeth

  1. Simon Cowell……. number one teeth dazzling cunt. They’re as fake as the rest of him.

  2. That Marmite-Miner Rylan Clark appears to bleach his Dick Emery Vicar gnashers.

    He most probably bleaches his arsehole too. Looks like the type.

    • My first thought also this effeminate wannabe PM.

      Hate the cunt with a passion.

    • Clark probably insists that every man in the public toilet puts a dab of Colgate on his bellend before he gives them a gobble. No wonder his teeth look well brushed.

  3. Then you have those cretins who bleach their arseholes!

    Although I suppose for the likes of the Beckhams, Blair, Cruise et al, it would be difficult to spot the difference!

  4. Weird cunts, they’ll be bleaching the whites of their eyes next.

    Imagine trying to explain this to a kid “right little Tarquin, I’m dropping you off at Granny’s for an hour whilst I go and put some bleach in my mouth”

  5. I was quoted around £400 for whitening, so I went to this place that charged £65. She told me to check the results in this mirror on the wall which was surrounded by lights. My teeth looked brilliantly white. But when I looked in the mirror at home, they didn’t look much different.

    • What was the name of the place – Snow Whites?

      Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
      Whose teeth are brightest of all?

  6. Those cunts in Wham! did it in the 80s… Now every fucker has luminous gnashers…
    Cuntiano Ronaldo, Rylan Clark Cunt, Emma Twatson and so on…

    Skanklett Johansscunt may be a cunt, but at least she has smoker’s teeth (ie: fucking awful)…

    • Scarlett johanssen also has a smokers voice – a deep, husky, raspy, sexy voice…… Did someone mention international wanking day this morning?

  7. Shitty superficial americunt culture exported to us. Most of those fuckers don’t even have real teeth. My teeth aren’t perfectly straight, so what? I’d rather staple my dick to my balls than pander to the sensibilities of those snotty, arrogant self absorbed foreign shit cunts.

  8. The ego gone nuclear, again I blame that grinning cunt Blair and his misses who got a grin like a Derby winner. But to be honest I blame the pus ball for everything bad in this country however tenuous the link.

  9. *”Arse-pirates” – hilarious.

    I despair of “normal” people doing this. It’s almost forgivable for celebicunts who live in an alternative universe but seeing your average Dave and Mary at the pub with game shoe pearlers simply terrifies me. Hammer House of Headlights.

  10. Alistair Campbell-end could do with a teeth bleaching. Dumped from the Anti-Semites! His whole life requires bleaching.

      • I’d propose a litre of Kilrock K descaler although I reckon the old alky would survive even that.

      • I reckon you could give the cunt a Domestos bukkakke and he STILL wouldn’t die.
        Also, even after all that bleach he’d still stink of Asda whiskey.

      • Is there any Kinnock K ?

        A boiling Nitromors enema should d/w Campbellend, and shove the bagpipes up his todger.

  11. People who bleach their teeth. Oops! I drop my gnashers into a glass of water and Parazone every night – brings ’em up a treat. Am I a cunt?

  12. And in case our resident Gay-In-Chief feels left out Gain:


  13. Jurgen Klopp’s gnashers are particularly offensive. Looks like he’s wearing a fucking gumshield. How much do you reckon that mouth job cost old Klopper ?

    • Rylan Clarke-Neal’s gnashers cost him £25k.

      Someone once described Rylan as “An annoying camp gay idiot with Hollywood horse teeth”, or even with “teeth that could chew a tomato through a letter box”.


  14. Afternoon all, afternoon mein Kapitan.
    I have to say that Klopp looks as though he’s had a set of white piano keys stuck in his face. They aren’t real, surely?

    • Afternoon, Lord Ronnington

      Klöpp looks ridiculous. It’s as if he’s had them machine-calibrated then marinated in petroleum jelly. Same as Firmino. They probably dazzle the opposition into conceding. Let’s hope it works at the weekend, shall we.

      Hungover much after yesterday’s drama?

  15. Question for Admn regarding the photo.
    Is it Ed Millibat or Tony BlairWitch on their monthly visit to the Bleachers?

  16. The worst culprits of this teeth bleaching cuntery are those superficial, thick as shite chavs on the likes of ‘The Only Way is Essex’ and other such bollocks.

    Their gnashers (as well as their spray tanned skin) bloody glow in the dark.

    If we return to the 1970’s again and have a shit load of power cuts, all we need to do is track down one of those fuckers for a bit of light.

    They all resemble Bingo from ‘The Banana Splits’, in my humble opinion:


  17. And they have bloody ridiculous pumped up lips that just makes them look like some kind of alien being and not an alluring sex kitten as they fondly imagine.

    • Katie Price effortlessly springs to mind… unfortunately. Thanks Mr Helmit.


  18. Client of mine got his gnashers sand-blasted and Dulux-whitened. Upon meeting him I squinted and asked him to switch his teeth off main beam. Vain cunt just grinned wider and took out me fucking retinas.

  19. A niggle, perhap, but I am confident in high degree that Colin Firth is also an “arse pirate”, inter alia amongst your list of specific (and by implication straight) jockies and ancillary Midnight Cowboys of all fashion, and you thereby appear to have segregated Mr Firth from his brethren of casual shirt-lifters and allied bisexual batty boys of broader brush.

    Notwithstanding the above pedantry, this is effectively a cunting by the capable Captain of the entirity of North American citizens (those of means anyhow, de minimis non curat, et seq…).

    I therefore heartily concur.

    • Fair points, Reverend, though is Colin Firth an uphill-gardener? I stand corrected if he is indeed an arse-pirate. Certainly acts like one.
      Res ipsa loquitur.

  20. I bleached my teeth I 2008. It wasn’t a one go laser thingymabob but a dooda that you put over your teeth on a nightly basis filled with expensive dentist supplied whitening paste. Hurt like fuck. At least I had control over how white I wanted my teeth.

    I most certainly did not want yellow pegs anymore yet I didn’t want the Ross from Friends look either.

  21. Is there any chance we could use industrial bleach and wipe out the whole SNP party
    Utter cunts

  22. What about that cunt so called comedian Rob Becket.
    Fuck me those teeth look like they have been stove enamaled.
    You wouldn’t tire of kicking them in.

  23. Sure people who bleach their teeth are cunts but people who don’t brush their teeth are even bigger cunts bad breath or having yesterdays meal stuck between your teeth is gross as fuck floss and brush that shit Went to walmart the other day cashier had piece of lettuce or spinach caked on his teeth felt a bit disgusted from it

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