I’m going to nominate Christmas for a cunting.

Not Christmas as we remember it, the one where your present was a carefully selected item you really wanted and behaved to deserve.

Not the Christmas where we waited until December to make the decorations at school and prepare for the nativity play.

The Christmas I want to cunt is this millennial multicultural greedy overpriced faux-sentimental load of fucking crap that we have to put up with these days. I fucking hate it and I’m sure everyone who enjoys this site will have plenty to say about why we say “for Christ’s sake” plenty at this time of year but for the wrong reasons.

Nominated by Ethelred Bedhead

36 thoughts on “Christmas

  1. See, that’s the thing – I think most families still do that. Certainly mine does. Everyone else I know does. The whole millennial Christmas you describe really is, from my experience at least, just limited to some young people and the cunt retailers. Aside from that the Christmas you describe is very much still alive and well.

    • And hey, if nothing else it’s always great to get the gigantic yearly supply of socks and have an excuse to gorge yourself.

  2. Modern Christmas is a cunt and – judging by every fucking advert – is a “culturally enriched” only zone, even “peacefuls” (WHO DON’T CELEBRATE XMAS YOU CUNTS) have a bigger presence than Santa these days (a “gammon” and no doubt a Brexiter).

    Commercialised, antithesis of Christianity – which is fine – because there’s only one untouchable religion in this country and that can fuck off too!


    To my fellow cunters, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, and a safe, healthy, stab free, acid free, Lammy free New Year!

    Gawd bless us, one and all!

  3. Christmas is nothing more than an excuse for idleness. My local pub is,apparently,only open 12>2 this afternoon because the lazy Cunts want to spend the rest of the day with their kids and family….how utterly selfish. My belly-pork won’t be cooked until 5,so was looking forward to an afternoon of pouring cold water on everyone else’s jollity and festivity….especially the kids…spoiled,sponging brats.
    Suppose I could always go up the Fell and turn off the water supply that feeds my neighbour’s house for a couple of hours. I can see across the fields that they’ve got a load of guests’ cars parked outside. That should liven up the snooty cow’s dinner preparations.

    Fuck Off.

    • DF, I m truly humbled by the fact that even on Christmas day you retain your customary hostility to the entirety of mankind 😉

      Happy Christmas, cunt!

  4. Agreed. Starts in September with adverts for wanky perfumes fronted by ‘celebs’ who I don’t recognise. Fucking lights in Sheffield turned on mid November.
    A cunt.

    • Most of my family happens to be from Sheffield. I feel truly sorry for you living in that place when it’s governed by Majid Majid.

      • Duly cunted earlier this year, what a price to pay in electing that piece of dog shite in the name of progressivism. Were they even Christmas lights and not a ‘winter wonderland’ or ‘seasonal lights’?

      • Don’t live in Sheffield, though it is the best city in the fucking overblown ‘paradise’ that is Yorkshire. The West Riding is a tip that stretches from Saddleworth to Goole.
        The Mayor, EU gippos and Somalis let the tradition of a fine engineering city down badly. Who voted for the cunt of a mayor? Green party, white poppy and banning Trump from the city. It aint Somalia. Yet. Wearing sandals, living in a tent and banning politicians not our culture. Yet.
        Rant over.
        Cunts the lot of them.

  5. Our Sainsburys were selling fucking mince pies at the start of September, just about the time fucking Clintons Cards were getting the Xmas cards in the winter. In the local shopping mall the sodding santa;s grotto was up and operating on November 8th. Bleeding DFS have bee advertising their Xmas ready sofas since the end of September.

    We now have a 9 month year because the cuntitude runs right up and until January 2nd.

    Have a good Tuesday, and fuck the Xmas soap operas and their shitty tinsel tinged stories all safely recorded in September so their crap actors can piss off to do shitty pantomimes in 4th rate civic centres and converted bingo hall theatres.

    Bollocks to them and those like Mrs.Boggs who watches them.

  6. Like a cunt, I’ve just turned on R4. What a cunt I am. Four ethnically ‘balanced’ luvvie wimminz chattering about fuck-all. I’ve just turned R4 off. Cue rummage in CD collection. There’s much to be said for a DIY Christmas, but the public one gets more cuntish every year.
    Whatever. Please fill your glasses. To ISAC and all who cunt in him/her/it.

  7. Breaking news: authorities now suspect that the tsunami in Indonesia was caused by a Sports Direct mug being knocked over.

  8. Agreed. I used to love Christmas. It had a real ‘Christmassy’ feel to it, and some kind of TRUE meaning, especially centuries ago when I was a sprog. You knew what it stood for and it was far less superficial. We are basically told by society that we must be careful to keep the CHRIST’ out of Christmas because we cannot exclude or offend any other group of people with alternatate beliefs.


    I agree also that it is far too fucking commercial these days. It literally is off the scale cash in and greed, accompanied by all of the fucktard parents competing with each other as to how big a present they are going to get their spoiled offspring.

    – ‘Oh, we got Arabella a horse and stables.’
    – Really? ‘Oh we got Miles an all expenses paid, month long trip to Vegas with extra spending money for hookers…’

    It is all total bollocks.

    I actually dislike both Christmas and New Year as there is so much expectation that you have to be ‘on form’ and not a party pooper, especially within the family. For me that is a real effort, being a full time miserable cunt. Tomorrow I have to travel to my cousin’s place for a ‘Boxing Day family get together buffet’…..

    ….I am literally gagging for it. Can’t wait…….Am I fuck.

    Her brat teenagers with their fingers superglued to their fucking phones, swiftly followed by one or both of them having a megastrop and fucking off to their bedrooms, being asked every five fucking minutes ‘How’s business?’ or even worse, ‘Met any nice men lately?’ (which is a closeted way of asking why you’re not married with 30 kids yet) Watching everyone who isn’t driving getting slowly ratarsed while I sit there willing the earth beneath me to break open and swallow me into a sinkhole.

    Frankly, I would rather stick needles in my eyes.


    • Went for Christmas Eve meal with good friends and was fucking exhausted by the effort of being congenial even with people I genuinely like and respect.

      When forcibly engaged with cunts, have you thought of gradually, first rocking to and fro on your chair, pulled slightly apart from the others so they can see you, as you give them Woe Is Me body language, before first suppressing, and then giving way to uncontrollable sobs in a foetal position on the floor? This is bound to bring the focus of attention and Yuletide concern to where it belongs, ie you. And you can then pour out your troubles*, accept any consolation going, and when the time is right, make your tactful departure from a gathering whose Christmas has been completely wrecked, if you’ve got it right.

      *If you haven’t got any, make some up.

      • Ok, thanks for the tips.

        I will put them in action tomorow……..

        Not everyone revels in Christmas. Would be nice if the ‘Christmas spirit’ actually inspired people to understand and be considerate of that. For example, those with mental heath histories (depression/anxiety….of which I am one) can find the pressures and expectations of this time of year difficult as their conditions don’t just magically disappear because it is time to be jolly.

        Each to their own. If some just looove Xmas, fair play. We are not all cut from the same cloth and thank fuck for that as what a fucking boring, ‘Stepford Wife’ filled world it would be otherwise.

        I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking on Christmas with a cynical or jaded eye.Personally, I’d rather be an honest, albeit miserable cunt than a steaming great hypocrite.

      • It’s a shite time of year, cold, long nights and so on, so can’t fault anyone for wanting to cheer it up a bit. But I don’t have a family, I’m an atheist and I resent being part of a consumer culture pretty well without the option
        (saw a survivalist on mate’s TV, being as woodsman as all get out, but not without the aid of the very nicest hunting rifle the decadent West could supply)… so Christmas is completely irrelevant to my needs.

        ‘…the condition doesn’t magically disappear…’ No, it certainly doesn’t. It intensifies if anything. And should you join in with the nonsense, the empty feeling when it’s over is all the worse. Resilience is the name of the game, and my personal recommendation for lifting the mood is a Bach harpsichord concerto, but I know that’s not for everyone…

        Best for 2019, anyway. Cunt on undaunted.

  9. I love the hypocrisy at Christmas time. Cunts they you’ve hated every other day of the year, your are now supposed to be best friends with because it’s the 25th of December? What the fuck? All this false bonhomie bullshit! Well guess what,you were a cunt yesterday you’ll still be a cunt tomorrow & you happen to be a massive cunt today! CUNTS

  10. After all the PC diversity addled tv advert Xmas bullshit I’ve just returned from a 2hr walk on the beach with the dog….
    No peaceful types around and my sand person neighbour hasn’t extended me a warm invitation into his home to pull a cracker? It’s like they’re not celebrating Xmas at all ? Differing somewhat to the absolute tsunami of nonsense shown on TV ….
    Maybe I should go and invite him round for gammon on Boxing Day?

  11. I impulse bought two boxes of the shittiest mince pies in the world EVER last week. Mr Kipling’s. Isn’t he the cunt who’s supposed to make “exceedingly good cakes”?

    To add insult to injury, the box had a ‘Good Housekeeping Institute Taste Approved’ stamp on it! FFS!!!!!

    Am gifting the second box to the in-laws when we go round for Xmas lunch in an hour’s time. I shan’t be staying for afternoon tea…

  12. The twelve day of Christmas turned into a season and a half about twenty years ago, and it seems to get worse every year. I enjoy the time off, and the grub and the odd tipple, but the rest of it can get get fucked. This year is particularly shit for me, it’s the first in twelve years that I’m spending on my own, thanks to an impending divorce, and I know it’s just another day, but it’s the constant theme of family and togetherness that is making a shit situation worse. So, fuck Christmas, and woe betide any cunt who says bah humbug as I fear it might be the death of them.
    That said, have a great one fellow cunters, keep up the good work admin, and let’s all hope for a Blair free planet in 2019.

    • That is my New Year Wish also.
      Fortitude, my friend. This year you can eat what you damn well like. This year you don’t have to cringe in terror at the impending visit of the inlaws. This year you don’t have to buy her the wrong present, a carload of tinsel tat or a bloody great bird which tastes of wet cardboard. I recommend a nice bit of topside.

      I’ve done it all my life. Incidentally, King Tubby is surprisingly good background music for this time of year. Whack up the bass to drown those jingle bells.

    • I divorced 1st December 2006, moved most of my stuff just before Xmas and on the day itself was left with a sleeping bag on a blow up mattress, a kettle, a Pot Noodle (Xmas dinner) , a 36″ tv, sky box and what appeared at the time to be enough cider to get Noah’s Ark moving. I was hammered by lunchtime and didn’t eat or, indeed, sober up till early January. I sympathise but things get better.

  13. It’s been a typical christmas, didn’t give any presents, didn’t get any. Heard the worst version of Silent Night I’ve ever heard in Tesco yesterday, slowed right down and dripping with false sincerity, made me want to spew up. Didn’t drink last night because I was still recovering from the half bottle of port on sunday. Watched a dvd entitled ‘Q’, went to bed at 4am, had a wank, slept ok, got up at 10.30, fed the cat, and the only programme worth watching on tv tonight is a documentary about Bloods and Crips in LA. Well at least I’ve got my operation in the new year to look forward to.

    Oh and a merry fucking xmas to you all.

  14. Christmas these days, is the biggest pile of falsely sprayed cunt out there. Over hyped, over stressed, overplayed and a crock of freshly delivered wank. As soon as we get New Year out the way, these cunts on the telly start peddling out summer holidays. Happy New Year my arse. What they really mean is, “another year closer to your chipboard jacket and a fucking long pizza oven”.

    The true ideals behind Christmas have been killed off because of the over glossed sleb wank and the same old repeated tired shite on the box, and also having to pretend to be nice to so-called selfish cunt relatives who never bother with you any other time of the year. I would like to get back to a proper traditional Christmas with the traditional values, but sadly it’s now laid in the dust. Ho fucking Ho. Commercialist Christmas…you’re a cunt. I’m off to the land of drink and get totally shit arsed.

    • Me too, TwatVarnish.

      I am assuming that the very large bottle of Cava sitting on the dining room table is my quota and the rest of the family are sorting their own.

      One lives in hope.

      It helps that I am a lightweight. A couple of glasses and I will be under the table after having puked on the ‘Trivial Pursuit’ board……

      • Very true, Nurse. Today has been predictably, just another day for me. That old fashioned Christmas atmos just isn’t there anymore. Switched the telly on, had a quick scan through the various cunt dross that’s on there, ie Strictly Cunts Mincing, EastEnders AKA “Every character would be much happier if they were fucking dead”, and the usual inane repeated piles of flyblown buffalo shit. Hasn’t seemed or felt like Christmas Day at all. It never does. What a load of shit.

  15. Have enjoyed listening to the following series on Radio 4 as stuck in bed today with man flu.

    Brian Gulliver’s travels.

    If you don’t mind Neil Pearson and can block out his left wing political views perhaps worth a listen.

  16. the Queen has just said that those with differing views should ‘ come together in Unity ‘. fuck me why has no one ever thought of that before. problem solved !!
    regarding Christmas, when i was about 17 I was out one Christmas Eve buying presents. i had a list and everything. Then the thought occurred to me ‘ what the fuck am i doing ‘ ? i am only doing this because it’s what expected of me to do, i don’t really want to do it. if i was honest to myself i should just go home . so i did. i have never bought a Christmas present since. if people want to buy me something thats up to them, i don’t tell them what to do. if they dont thats ok too.

  17. My eldest son who is a Cunt in training trolled his brother brilliantly.
    We were opening presents from under the Christmas Tree. He gives is brother a small wrapped mini package with obviously nothing inside. His brother starts unwrapping and everyone yells out, “Money!”, and waits with bated breath. First layer of wrapping paper off and inside is is folded up A4 paper with his brother proceeds to unfold. Nothing falls out so he holds up the paper upon which is written: “Fuck You”.
    Best gift of the day.

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