Inconsiderate parking

Unfortunately, every one of us of a certain age has become all too familiar with the attitudes and actions of the ‘me generation’; those twats whose first and last thought in any situation is for their own interests, and fuck everybody else.
I nominate inconsiderate parkers as a prime and very common example of this selfish, self centred bunch of cunts. I came home earlier to find that some prick had parked across my driveway, preventing me from gaining access. When said prick returned a couple of hours later I pointed this out to him (quite politely), and received a ‘fuck you’ for my trouble from the turd (what used to be referred to a few years back as a ‘yuppie’ type).
You see the efforts of these thoughtless bastards everywhere. They park on the double yellow in the knowledge that they almost certainly won’t get done, but if they do, hey, it’s a few quid fine, what the heck. If traffic’s hindered, too bad. You’ll see them double parked with their ‘flashers’ on (that’s all right, then) so they can just call at the atm or take that all important mobile call which can’t wait a few minutes. You’ll see them park in the ‘disabled parking’ only space at the supermarket because they’re too fucking bone idle to walk the length of themselves. You’ll see ‘yummy mummy’ causing chaos outside the local school with her Chelsea tractor parked five feet from the kerb. You’ll see them bumped up on pavements, which makes life very difficult to those of limited mobility or in wheelchairs. I’ve even seen cars parked across fire exits; some people really do not give a flying fuck.
I sometimes even get angry with myself for being such a law abiding citizen, because nothing would give me greater pleasure than taking a Stanley knife to the bodywork or the tyres of vehicles belonging to these inconsiderate shits. ‘Me generation’? ‘Generation Cunt’ more like.

Nominated by Ron Knee

56 thoughts on “Inconsiderate parking

  1. As a delivery driver it was exasperating to find most loading bays blocked by mummies tractor, so I admit to parking dodgily with the twat lights on and running like fuck to do the job cos I knew I was being a cunt.

    • In my humble opinion you can be excused Tony. Not an easy life being a delivery driver, and speed is always of the essence.

      I have a gripe- at the bottom of the hill about half a mile from where we live is an area which has been taken over by Eastern European/Portuguese cafes, restaurants, barbers, ethnic food shops. A bit run down before, now a bit of a shit hole if being totally honest. Groups of young men standing around in groups, hand shaking, hugging, smoking, discarding cigarette ends/gum on the floor and talking loudly/shouting at each other.

      As it is a relatively narrow road, on each side are double yellow lines.

      Our Eastern European friends think it is ok to park their cars there whilst they pop in to purchase and or collect items. Always unattended with the hazard warning lights flashing.

      This means that a queue develops on both sides of the road whilst drivers (including busses) have to navigate around the offending vehicle(s).

      Those responsible are utterly selfish cunts who can easily be identified by the CCTV cameras in the area, however the authorities appear to be relaxed regarding the crimes committed by our unwanted friends. Could easily be solved if fines for breaking the law were issued by the authorities.

  2. A lot of these inconsiderate acts are actually in the bloody highway code, which you’re required to know to pass the theory.

    Each sunday every conceivable edge of our crossroad is parked up because precious little tyrone and his cunt mother can’t be bothered to walk a bit further to footy practice. You may as well put on a blindfold, light a cigarette and accept the inevitable if you try to cross it because you have no hope of seeing little jerome and his cunt mother racing at 40 (in a 30) in their gigantic steel cunt wagon. Every one of these parking abominations are 8ft high chelsea shit mobiles with tinted windows.. may as well be the wall of China.

    10m you fucks. 10m.

  3. It seems to be a trend for drivers to park their car over two spaces in free car parks. They’re always Mercedes or BMWs. What could it be that they’re trying to tell us?

      • German cars have become the mark of cuntitude.
        The vast numbers of them on British roads helps to rub it in that our own motor manufacturing industry was (deliberately) made a laughing stock and then wiped out.
        Every Audi ever built, especially in black, may as well have “I am a cunt” stencilled on the doors in big letters…

      • Audi is indeed a four – letter word.
        And much “parking” could barely be described as such. I just say that cars &c. have been abandoned. Driven by zombies, who just stop, get out, and disappear.

        Emergency newsflash – Mad Cow Disease found for first time in GB in three years.

        They’ve been looking in the wrong bloody place, then.

        ISAC’s very own Min of Ag and Fish identified a particularly nasty seat in No. 10. Obviously in terminal stage, hope she’ll be dogfood or maccy-do’s soon.

      • There’s a cunt a couple of streets down from us who drives an Audi, and it’s got one of those sticker things across the front windscreen with his and his bird’s names on. I thought these went out about 20 yrs ago.

      • Oops – I drive a black Audi. Mind you, I am a total cunt come to think of it. Carry on.

  4. Ron, why waste your Stanley knife when a key will suffice? Also, you’re fortunate if you happen across somebody kind enough to put the Hazards on.

    Leave one of those difficult-to-budge stickers with “You park like a woman” written on it or just key the rude cretins.

      • Probably Ron, but I used to pilfer mine from work. About twenty of them on an A4 page. Lovely job.

  5. In general, there are inconsiderate cunts about everywhere on the roads.
    My favourite cunts are the OAPs who park anywhere, take half an hour to reverse park and do thirty in a sixty.
    I could go on but I’ve got a car to park.

    • I haven’t had this one on my radar yet. Somethingh of the Maggie O’Neill about her. Defo hot.

      • They are just asking the wrong questions on the forms. People might get offended by a choice of ‘male’ or ‘female’ when all that is needed is, “Do you have a dick or a cunt?”
        Can’t go wrong there…

  6. Kleenex “man size” tissues now to be called “extra large” so as not to cause offence.
    I’m living in a fucking loony bin.

    • Often suspected that this title would be done away with. You knew where you were with man-size; usually in a cosy dark room, with Kleenex in one hand, and…

  7. I suggest placing a few nails in front of the rear curbside wheel of any vehicle that blocks your driveway again. Proper caltrops are difficult to find and will probably get you fined or worse…a few innocent nails (or screws) should do the trick.

  8. I have found that a matchstick in the tyre valve can be very effective to discourage cunts parking to block or even inconvenience me getting off my drive.
    The worse parkers are surely the school run cunts? No consideration for safety, lazy cunts drive 300 yds from home to school, 3 point turns on blind bends, random opening and closing of doors.
    And the lazy, idle cunts who use disabled or mother and child spaces at the supermarket. Coins can be satisfyingly drawn along these cunts.

  9. Years ago,when the RAC rally still came through Kielder, a friend of mine had a job felling off a big block of timber. As he was leading it out of the wood on the forwarder (big tracror with grab and timber-trailer),he saw some “wanna-be rally-driver” spectator parking up his pimp-mobile on the hard standing where the wagons pulled in to load. The cunt shouldn’t have even been there,it wasn’t a section where spectators were allowed,but this clever Cunt thought that he’d park there and cut through to the section where the rally was coming through. My friend on the forwarder shouted at the Cunt that he couldn’t park there,but Cunt and his pal just totally ignored him and walked off towards the rally section….Big fucking mistake…my friend used the grab on the forwarder to lift the car up,by the roof, swung the grab around,and dropped the car from a great height in amongst the stumps of the felled trees. Glass all smashed,roof crumpled in and all four wheels going out at different jaunty angles.

    My pal said that the only thing that he regretted was that he didn’t stay late enough to see the owner’s face when he returned,he’d just finished up for the day and parked the forwarder away in the standing timber. Apparently the owner had been on the Forestry Commission playing holy fuck,but had been told that he was trespassing and causing a danger with where he had left his car,and if it was damaged(trashed was a more accurate description)while being moved,it was his own responsibility. Nowt more was ever heard of the incident.

    I bet the Cunt thought twice before parking in the way of heavy machinery operated by an even bigger,and certainly more mental, Cunt than him again.

    Fuck them.

    • Always love a happy ending.

      By the way, Kielder looks to be a beautiful part of the country Dick.

      Fascinating to read about the underwater mining village Plashetts

    • Speaking of the RAC and the car breakdown companies in general, I do hope they have abandoned the “If you’re a woman driver on your own you’ll get priority treatment!” because clearly that is discrimination & sexism at their finest.

    • Forgot to add…..A lot of The Gays are bad parkers,this is because they actually enjoy being shunted up the rear-end by another Gay determined to squeeze into a too- tight opening….they also all drive pink jeeps and play show-tunes at a loud volume as they drive around screaming “Oh,er, Ducky” at pedestrians while attempting to coerce male hitchhikers into their soft-top poofmobiles

      Fuck Off.

  10. I used to live on a private track (track not road) any way it was a dig your own parking space place.
    I duly dug one for my wife and myself.
    Any way the local carpark closed for repairs and a local “business man” decided to park outside our house in our space, he also told my wife to fuck off whilst doing so and stormed off.
    I won’t go into to many details, but my MRS decided to take his attitude out on me, and like a sensible chap I climbed into a bottle to soothe my soul.
    any way as the level dropped my range of mischief rose, I started of by dumping a fucking great dirty concrete block in front of his car, a little latter went out and pissed over it for good measure then just before bed stuffed a nice load of cat shit under his door handles and went to sleep.
    We were woken by a nasty crunching noise outside as he bulldozed the rock down the road followed by what I can only describe as a pagan war dance/ rant in front of the houses.

  11. The good thing about Audi and Beemers is that they’re high on the carjackers’ list of “must haves”

    A day doesn’t go by without news of some twat having his keyless car nicked from his drive, most of which are the high value German tanks.

    So I suppose these cunting thieves are doing us all a favour by keeping our roads clear of this fucking Kraut tractors

    • Reminds me of the oldie but goldie;

      What’s the diff between a hedgehog and a BMW?
      With the BMW, the pricks are on the inside

    • Autowatch Ghost is your friend to avoid blambo joyriding.

      I keep a cricket bat by the bed in anticipation of waking up to the sound of someone cranking the car to no avail to meet out proper justice.

    • The cunt was bigger than me, mate, and much younger, lol!
      Thing is, I’ll know the fucker and his car if he turns up and parks near me again at some point, and he’ll probably never associate the nail in his tyre with me…

  12. Don’t park in a disabled bay without a blue badge – you’ll be left with inexplicable damage to your car. In my previous life, I came across disability – missing limbs being a common one. So don’t abuse this system.

    Fucking supermarkets now have a habit of putting parent n obese child nearer the door than disabled bays these days. Cunts.

    • Honestly Sgt Major, it never ceases to amaze me, the number of people you see parking up in disabled parking spaces who are clearly not disabled, plus those who park in parent and child spaces with no sprog on board. They’re often just on their way to the atm, the lazy cunts, so they seem to think it doesn’t matter.

      • I love it when you occasionally see a disabled person who parks immediately behind one of these cunts, so they can’t get out and have to sit there fuming until the ‘blocker’ returns.
        Poetic justice for the cunt.

      • One day, Ron, I saw a guy with no arms (thalidamide probably) go up to an ATM. He slipped his unsocked foot out of his shoe, somehow got his bank card into his toes, inserted it into the slot with his foot, typed in the pin with his toes and withdrew the notes in the same manner. Honest to God, it was fucking amazing. And some fuck parks in a disabled bay in preference to him.

        I also spent some time with a bomb disposal unit so have seen some messed up guys come back from Afghan. They’re properly disabled, so I’m all for the coin and key treatment.

        P.s. I’m was not bomb disposal myself. Not that brave.

      • The Armed Forces Compensation Scheme was very much improved after Iraq, Ron. Tony Bliar and Brown had the magic money tree then.

      • Close to my heart on this one. Daughter born with one arm, guardian of younger brother with no hearing, since early death of both parents. Both fought adversities, working hard, own homes. Neither smoke, occasional drink, marathon runners, cycling enthusiasts. No parking disability for them, or disability allowances. Why? Cause they don’t deserve either. Why? Cause they are both working, and capable of walking without assistance.

  13. Hello. Ron,
    are you sitting comfortably? Good. Now here’s how you deal with the unpleasant ones who inconvenience you by parking where they know said inconvenience will be caused. First I would caution against the use of the Stanley knife for two reasons. Number one – the genuine Stanley knife is fucking expensive and why should you be out of pocket in this scenario (lovely management type word that – but I digress). Second, if plod gets involved in this scenario (yes, it rolls off the tongue with Italianate fluidity doesn’t it?) it’s a bit tricky distancing your purchase from the condition of the cunt’s tyres. No, Ron. Here’s what to do. Nip down the petrol station or Halfords and buy a small bottle of brake fluid. Shake said brake fluid over bonnet, roof and rear of cunt’s vehicle. It looks just like water, so if it’s a rainy day all the better. Dispose of bottle in public litter bin (not your house bin).Cunt will not notice anything untoward until about 3-4 days later when the paintwork on the expression of wealth and superiority will start to bubble, peel and flake off. When cunt has finished crying and dried copious volume of tears cunt will have to fork out for a full respray. Serves him/her right – inconsiderate and arrogant cunt.

  14. Went to pick my son up from School parked up came back to the car someone had blocked me in by double parking along side me Waited 15 minutes so ended up going back into the school and asked who owned the Black Astra was confronted by some 30 year old Ned Me why can you shift it please I want to get out reply Don’t speak to me like that or you will get a smack I started laughing I spent 25 years in 3 Para and would more than likely have knocked the fat fuck into next week But it’s a school kids about What followed was a torrent of abuse all the way back to my car That Ned is the luckiest person alive next time I see you alone I’m gonna rearrange your face

      • Not worth it Ron twats like that are all hot air Soon as you bang them they cry and call the coppers I’m not getting arrested for cunts like him not seen him since nor do I want to

  15. Went to the local A&E with a patient in the ambulance, woman parked in the last Ambulance Only bay, the fucking selfish bitch had driven straight past the Ambulances Only Beyond This Point sign, too. Blocked her in with my truck. As we’re unloading the stretcher-bound patient, the fucking Greggs-Positive slag has the fucking cheek to ask me how long we’re going to be as she was told she could park there!! I politely, with a smile, told her it was for emergency ambulances only, her Peugeot didn’t look like an ambulance to me and no-one would have told her to park in an emergency ambulance bay. She then asks how long we’re going to be. ‘A lot longer then we would have been’, was my reply. It’s amazing just how much time you can legally waste if you put your mind to it! The Greggnant cunt’s face was a picture when we arrived back at the truck an hour later and then tidied up the back of the truck and waited for the next job to come through to which we roared off with blue-lights on and a smug smile on our faces!! The fucking ‘Me-Me’ generation. Absolute barnstorming, selfish cunts.

    I thank you.

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