Job interviews

In a Telegraph article (4th Sep.) ten questions were proffered that you’re not permitted to ask at an interview as a prospective employer. Personally I think some are valid and some are flaky modern-life, millennial, thin-skinned bollocks . Don’t we live in a free society? Are there ‘red flag’ questions the interviewee shouldn’t ask? Is an interview now just one big waste of everybody’s cunty time?

Apparently, whether you’re the Boss or the hiring manager, if you’re going to give somebody your money for doing a job, you can’t ask them about their fucking accent!? Can we ask them if they’re considering spraying bullets about in a demented, voice-in-your-head attack? This might be the shittest ever age in which to live.

The Orwellian grip tightens a bit. Be patient, George. It’s near.

1. What year were you born?
2. Do you have any children?
3. Are you physically fit and healthy?
4. Are you in a relationship or married?
5. Have you got any plans to start a family?
6. Where is your accent from?
7. Will you need flexible time for family life?
8. Did you grow up outside the UK?
9. Will you need time off during Half Term?
10. Will you need personal time off for religious holidays?

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

57 thoughts on “Job interviews

  1. I was at this interview, went through all the usual crap and was getting towards the end.
    The bloke said, “tell me Mr Frog what would you say was your greatest weakness?”
    “My honesty” I said
    He said, “Hmmm, I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”
    I said “ I don’t give a fuck what you think”

  2. Five kids Oldest is 6″4″ and a Footballer. I have a New Zealand accent. The kids the cunts all speak American. Married but Mr Watson isn’t happy as I’m a drinker.

  3. Having been through an interview process recently, I certainly get where this cunting is coming from.

    An interview is basically a coordinated lying session where each party tip toes around the questions they’d like to ask but instead has to settle for sanitised/PC versions. Overall though, there are 5 things that piss me off about job interviews:

    1. Most people who conduct job interviews do them because they have to, not because they’re any good at them. Interviewing, like many things in business, is a skill. News flash – most interviewers (I’ve encountered) are crap at it and end up making themselves and their company look like a cunt.

    2. Companies continue to believe that since they have a job opening, they have all the power and can therefore treat job candidates like shit. WRONG!!! Hiring companies also tend to claim they seek the best talent, blah blah blah. Highly skilled, talented and experienced candidates don’t have to put up with being treated like crap. They’ll just interview with and go work for companies who are more respectful and appreciative of their time. Treating job candidates like shit leads to hiring people who’ll put up with that as an employee. News flash – they’re not the best talent available.

    3. Companies who treat interviews like a fucking Q&A session, rather than the two way conversation it should be. Also, this myth that you should always research the company you’re interviewing at and/or you have industry experience, e.g. “must have telecomms experience”. That’s bollocks. I work in IT, dealing with servers, networks, databases, etc. It does not matter one flying fuck if that server is at a bank, insurance company, manufacturing company, etc. A server is a server. End of. Now, if the job opening were for a marketing or sales position, then yes – knowing about the company, its products, competitors, etc. would be useful knowledge to have. But that requirement is not universal, so why make it universal? Personally, if I interviewed someone who’d obviously memorised the ‘About Us’ page on the company website, I’d like them a hell of a lot less just for being a suck up cunt.

    4. Drug screens. Now if it were my company I suppose I wouldn’t want a crack head on my payroll either. BUT…..insisting upon a pre-employment drug screen particularly when the job involves sitting at a desk and using a computer rather than using an industrial lathe or performing brain surgery, is fundamentally insulting. Why? Because it represents the automatic assumption of wrong doing for which you have to prove your innocence when there is absolutely NO supporting evidence that you are a habitual substance abuser and thus a danger to yourself and others. Read that last sentence again. Yep, you’re guilty until proven innocent. Erm…isn’t that diametrically opposed to our judicial system? My stock retort to these requests is, fine but I have a concern that the CEO might be a pedophile so I’ll need them to take a lie detector test to prove they’re not. Do you think they’d be in any way offended by that? Yeah, they fucking would but it’s OK to make me pee in a fucking cup?

    5. The ‘thank you’ note. Again, the myth is you should always send a thank you note to the interviewer. WHY FFS? Think about this for a moment. You go to an interview which involves you taking time off your current job or using your own time. This costs you, but is free for the interviewing company. You take some mode of transport to get there all at your expense. This too takes time which is apparently free for the interviewing company. You might have had to buy some new clothes to attend an interview, again at no cost to the interviewing company. The interviewer on the other hand is ALREADY AT WORK!!! They saunter down to the conference room expending little to no effort and certainly no cost. They sit there grilling your arse for an hour and get paid for it. And you’re expected to thank THEM????? I’ve received the odd ‘thank you’ letter or email following an interview and I always think the same thing – CREEP!!

    So there you have it. My take on the job interview process. It’s a cunt and most interviewers are cunts too. YMMV.

  4. No need to ask any of those at interview. If I couldn’t get the answer I want from the CV alone, you won’t be sitting in front of me any time soon.
    Had one stupid cunt put down ‘fleek excel skills’, googled it out of curiosity, but in the bin it went. Child bearing aged woman? Bin. Peaceful sounding surnames? Bin. Went to university in Bangalore? Bin. Long unexplained working gaps? Bin. The list goes on…

    • Then the remaining CVS take half and throw them in the bin, don’t want to hire unlucky people now do you.

  5. 1/ Are you adverse to implementing a democratic vote?
    2/ Have you any moral objections on voting for your own pay rises?
    3/ Have you any moral objections on second home ownership and expenses?
    4/ Have you any moral objections on employing multiple members of you own family?
    5/ Is a 110 day holiday allowance excessive?

    Welcome to the House of Cunts. Leave any principles and ethics at the door.

    • Have you any moral objections to entering a corrupt relationship with banks/financial institutions/bank of england? Cunts!

      • Or entering young men of Eastern European/Baltic extraction a la Vazaline. I bet the cunt was bareback as well.

  6. ….”Has anybody managed to get a tit wank from the bird on reception?”….

    “When I said, do you have any questions, I meant regarding the job”….

  7. All I can say Captain, is I remember how things were going in the latter days of my working life, so thank fuck I’m retired!

  8. After moving I had to apply for jobs for the first time in 10 years. … been self employed for a fuckin decade.
    Apparently you shouldn’t write Sir/Madame on a cover letter in case the cunt reading it is gender neutral or some kind of sjw cunt.
    I made sure they ALL had Sir/Madame on them.
    …don’t wanna work for any weirdos or lefties.

  9. The biggest problem with interviews is that the interviewers, an uncommonly high proportion of whom are fuckwits, fail to comprehend that the job being interviewed for is not that of professional interviewee. Consequently, they have an alarming tendency to appoint the glibbest of gobshites (they being the most likely to shine in the ‘bullshit bingo’ modern interview format) to roles for which they are manifestly unsuitable.

    • I knew someone who, during interviews, literally made up some bullshit words and phrases on the spot and it never did him any harm. The principle at play here, which he applied to great effect, is the fact that no one on the interview panel will dare ask him what the fuck he is talking about in case it made them look stupid and not totally aufait with current wankspeak.

  10. Like IY says, many of those doing the interviewing haven’t a clue how to go about it, and it’s intensely irritating, after you’ve got ready, made yourself look presentable and you’re trying to make a favourable impression, to realize they couldn’t give a fuck because they’ve probably already decided who they’re going to give the job to and they’re just going through the motions.
    I’ve been asked all kinds of ridiculous questions during interviews. One young tosser asked me if I thought it was better to have a tidy desk or an untidy desk. And another, on reading what kind of work I’d done before, asked me “Are you better than you were?” and sat there smirking.
    Thank fuck I’m retired and I don’t have to come into contact with these arseholes again.

  11. I must admit that I am the cunt that hires and fires in our firm. I do quite enjoy the interview process and wheedling out the idle cunts and chancers (the job is reasonably technical). If you’re not a lazy piss-taker, a wimminz, a darkie, a fat fuck or a leftie snowflake shitbag, I’ll probably take you on.
    I’ve gradually filtered out the cunts, letting a few go where necessary and the business is thriving as there are no disruptive elements.
    But the most important thing are “no peacefuls or Um Bongos under any circumstances”.

    • Hell yeah, I’ve got to ride the clutch, as it were. We’ve had letters enquiring about how many dark-coloured effffnicks we employ (none). I’ve had to employ a couple of poles and a hungarian to get the govt off our backs.
      Fucking good workers though and very nice people.

      • I just screen the CV’s carefully. To be honest, where we are (rural Oxfordshire), we don’t really get any darkies applying. There have been a couple, but their lack of applicable experience rendered them unselectable.
        If I was forced to interview one, I’d be horrified.
        Me: “Tell me, Mr Iqbal, how does your experience of marrying your cousin and mutilating your niece’s genitals pertain to the assembly of high-spec racing engines”?
        Him: “Er.. .Allah akbar…er…racist discrimination, etc”

      • I had a Pakistani Muslim boss named Iqbal in 80s. He interviewed for a job, chav turned up I swear wearing pinky/purple veloury track suit and dickhead gave him the job! We filled gas cylinders. I said do the label for that please, 10% argon, remainder nitrogen. What’s remainder mean he says? Eh! The rest, you know, the other 90%. Yep. What’s percent? The boss insisted I mislabel some stuff so it could go by air urgently, tho it could go bang. I had a purple haze, was told afterwards that I’d called him every racial insult under the sun, and a cunt. I then walked. I’m still fucking angry! Was a great job otherwise.

      • “And a Mr Dick Fiddler from our equality division will be sitting in on the interview process today…..”

    • TTCE – I applaud your integrity. I’ve never seen why an employer shouldn’t employ who they damn well please. Enough of them haven’t employed me, and I fully understand and sympathise: they had a picture of who they wanted, and I wasn’t it. Same idea as Irishphobic B&B’s, homophobic cake shops etc. Fine. If you don’t want to deal with someone, for whatever reason or none at all, why the fuck should you have to?

  12. The whole concept of selling yourself like some enthusiastic $2 dollar hooker to some cunt you only just met is revolting to the spirit.

    Fuck job interviews, jobs, and everyone who perpetuates this whole going nowhere mess. There’s only two times I’ll sell myself: Once when I broke the egg barrier, and the other when I eventually embrace death. Fuck everyone else and all the bullshit inbetween.

  13. The Church of England is to meet to consider leading a buyout of the collapsed payday lender Wonga.

    I don’t understand the world anymore.

    • After the cunt Welsby roundly condemning zero hours contracts and the new gig economy making huge bucks and paying no tax it appeared that the CofE is advertising jobs on minimum wage and has £20m of shares in Amazon. You really couldn’t make that kind of shit up. At least Rome are honest in their dishonesty. Turns out the CofE (forever pleading poverty) have holdings of $7.8bn+, the left footers have $30bn+ held in the Holy See, the Mormons are worth $40bn+ in the US alone and Opus Dei (secretive left footers who flagellate and wear thigh clamps with nails in) have $2.7bn + in Italy alone. The big fella above must just fucking love bankers, church going ones in particular.

      • C of E advertises zero-hours contracts and pays a big fat ZERO in taxes. bare faced hypocrisy – amazed they still have the temerity to show their ugly sanctimonious faces in public.

  14. Thats unfair on Hollywood. I’m sure most adults can avoid such awkward situations or deal with them appropriately. Kids on the other hand…..

  15. When I’ve had chaps work for me the most important thing is can u do the job, can u swing a turning hammer all day without a girlie fit, only give one the shove because he was a wanker and a veggie and a fecking virgin.

    • 3 fabulous reasons to sack any cunt or not employ them in the first place Civvydog.
      I had an oppo who left the Royal Marines as an RSM after doing 27 years. He fucking hates civvies as his previous employer he was known as God – nobody answered him back or queried anything he ever had to say (and to be fair he was fucking good at it too). He left the Royals and got a well paid job in the local NHS as a senior buyer / procurement officer. His place of work was in a building that was part of the local lunatic asylum. In the mornings the odd but not so odd cunts who could be trusted to take mail round or open mail pitched up to be given daily tasks. My mate was in a particularly nasty Royals type mood on one particular cold Monday morning and faced with the last of the odd ones told him to go outside with a large bin bag and pick up as many leaves as he could, bag them up and take them to the onsite composter. He thought no more about it until he had time to grab a brew mid afternoon and wondering through the building spotted the odd one, still outside, still picking up leaves, frozen through to the bone and shaking like a shitting dog. He whistled the unfortunate frozen odd one who had by now garnered more than his fair share of pity from the soft cunts in the offices around what was the old bowling green on which the odd one had spent his day. He asked him who had told him to do what he was doing and without cracking a smile told an orderly not to send the odd one back the next day as he wasn’t suitable to be out of the ward and was better off colouring pictures and waiting for his next dose of meds. Cruel as fuck but made a great dit amongst the barfly’s in the local. He told the dit with a straight face too. As a footnote, at time of writing the odd one has never been seen outside of the ward.

  16. Quite frankly job interviews, jobs, employers, and every bellend who perpetuates this bullshit are cunts. That should just about cover everyone I feel – sorry if I missed anyone out!

    I didn’t interview for this life and groveling to anyone has always offended me, for the simple reason that over history some cunt has decided they own everything and is now willing to barter a single bloody peanut in exchange for my dignity. Fuck that.

    I want this job because I can’t hunt or wing it alone, you have all the power over my basic needs.

    Time for whiskey.

    • Nope. I’d rather have a nice bed and hot water than a bug infested mudhut.

      It’s the way the system itself has hoarded access to all our needs and then sells it back to us that infuriates me. Social media and the corporate hivemind are now in the process of hoarding community and all emotional life itself it seems.

      I resent every drop of sweat, click of the clock and pound sterling paid in tax taken from me. But what’s the alternative? As you say, I hope you like ice or sand because where else is there.

  17. No interviews for me, self employed and thankful for it. Couldn’t work for anyone else now. Antisocial sole trader and wouldn’t have it any other way. Worked for some total wankers in my time. If I had to go back to the daily commute someone would suffer horribly.
    Good evening.

      • I always try to be polite and feign interest in small talk but know with some regulars to avoid anything on ‘health issues’. This usually involves a complete rundown on hospital visits, aliments and in a memorable instance her bowel movements the previous night.

    • PAYE workers may take it for granted Cuntflap but the best piece of advice I got from a (very) senior Inland revenue executive (who earned considerably more than the PM of this fucked up country) was “you will never, ever, make any real money on PAYE – the whole system is stacked against you”. Grateful for the advice as he was totally fucking spot on.

    • Used to be self-employed, can’t wait to get back to it.

      Can’t cut out wankers completely, but their employment was, by nature of my job, on a necessarily short-term basis.

  18. Christ, the Nominations list is getting as long as the WC cuntings page. They’ll be plenty of fodder until Christmas along with topical up-and-comers, then Brexit D-Day countdown. Oh joy.

  19. My last proper job in London (which I was offered and accepted) involved three interviews, each of which lasted approximately two hours, and each with a different person (rising in seniority).

    The last “interview” I attended was local, and involved being photographed (without being asked permission), having to wear a fucking name tag, being ushered into a room with several other people (mostly thick as shit university graduates) for “problem solving”, having to complete a simple cognitive test, an English and mental Mathematics test (which I finished in approximately three of the allotted 20 minutes) and finalised by being asked nine deeply probing questions (such classics as “why do you want the job”, what do you consider to be your strengths/weaknesses, what’s your favourite colour) by three middle aged women, the last part they said was like speed dating but in an interview mode, and took approximately 5 minutes.

    Approximately 40 years continual employment, 30 of which in the highly pressurised environment in the square mile of London casually and disrespectfully written off within about 30 minutes, and by middle aged women who did not have a clue and frankly could not have cared less.

    I suspect they could haver saved themselves time (not to mention my time) to say they were not fucking interested in employing a 58 year old to start with.


    • On that point alone Willie you would have got a start with me. The company I worked for throughout the 80’s and 90’s up until the collapse of the finance world as we knew it were ingratiated with the mistaken belief that the new breed of graduates who had plied their trade (for what it was worth) were the only ones in who our tech company would hire as the next generation of “achievers”. We had training centres in San Jose, Munich, Rotterdam, Australia and of course blighty in 2 separate locations – North and South. A thorough drains up was undertaken and the evidence presented in as many pie charts, subtle statistics and drilling down on a years worth of data about who we employed, why we employed them, the class demographics, how efficient they were and what / how during their time they had contributed positively and the sum (in monetary terms) of who represented the greatest value for money in retention of investors (customers) and who (on a separate web site) returned the most Wonga (callous cunts Americans). It turned out the best pupils in very technical tasks were head and shoulders above the rest (40-55+year olds were remarkable in retention and absorbing new and cutting edge technology) were older than 40 as they had the life skills to complement our offerings and elevate our status as technology purveyors of complicated solution architecture.
      There is a saying – youth is wasted on the young. Apart from the odd code writer who God forbid you ever exposed to the client / customer, the company thrived, made several and huge regular quarterly profits quarter on quarter, the rule of thumb amongst a pretty hip HR department was experience trumped youth in hiring the best. The company still operates that ethos and is still making huge revenues, bucking the trends of NASDAQ and earning investors lucrative returns.

  20. The problem is these days it seems folk get employed based on divershitty rather than merit.

    Don’t get me wrong pre Blair era (1995 actually) I interviewed a lad who was originally from Zaire, who’d worked in the Consolidated Copper Mines of Zaire, and who was mustard.

    Out of a list of candidates he was the shining star by a mile based 100% on merit not skin colour or ethnicity. He was a thoroughly decent bloke and I’d have worked with him happily because he brought so much to the table (you could learn from this cunt).

    My appraisal was overruled because he was “too old”. He was 31 – so hardly ancient – and I was 27.

    Instead they opted for a 32 year old cunt!?! So full of himself he was at the meniscus! He also was the spitting image of Freddie Mercury on his way out. I detested the cunt immediately and my first impression was well founded.

    Not only was he a lazy idle cunt who lasted less than 6 months (he left before he was pushed – the cunt) but he also nearly cost us a contract that he’d been put in charge of to fuck up, sorry, oversee!

    Now was ethnicity or colour a factor here? No, it was not, it was that equally disabling mantra of the 80’s and 90’s: the assumed meritocracy of a previous position in a blue chip company. In this case it was IBM.

    He was fucking useless, just like Arthur Andersen’s so-called “consultants” (before they had to rebrand themselves for being fucking shite at even delivering a pint of milk at the tax payer’s expense), MickeySoft cunts, etc. – I’ve shit ’em!

    In post 2nd Dark Age Britain (1997-2010) the same idiocy where recruitment comes is still prevalent except now it isn’t perceived faux merit but the equally destructive virtue-signalling.

    You’re not telling me that there’s no cunt better equipped than that pile of cunt Cressida Strapon as chief of the MET? Fuck off! She’s fucking useless!

    However, as she’s female, then no male need apply, except maybe an ethnic who ticks one box (qualified or not), except auld Cressida is also a bean-flicker and so ticks two boxes in the virtue-signalling lotto game. Strapon wins. She could only be trumped by a lesso black woman or a raspberry woman.

    For those of you misfortunate enough to be part of LinkedIn (think Facebook for even bigger cunts) the number of likes twats who are trans, faux immo lovers, or “peaceful” huggers rank so highly that folk are falling all over themselves to employ the cunts whether good, bad or indifferent just to be seen to be virtuous!

    The net result is the same: a useless cunt gets a role they’re neither qualified for or deserve.

    We need to bin all this PC bullshit and start employing based purely on merit. We’re going to need the best in the right positions following Brexit that’s for sure!

    If that doesn’t meet the diversity requirements of sex, ethnicity, religion or sexual preference then fucking TOUGH! We have the real best and brightest in those roles based on true merit alone.

    And true merit alone is fucking fine by me!


    • Well said sir! Every cunt in the world knows that Strapon is just a cardboard cut out Libtards dream. Lucky for her she only managed to kill an innocent cunt who just looked like a peaceful instead of being the real thing. Brush that one under the carpet…….pay off the family and say no more!
      Another classic example is our old friend the Abbotpotamus.
      Fucked the boss……✅
      Hallelujah! Let’s make this brainbox Shadow Home Secretary!
      KFC family buckets all round!!

  21. All of those are legitimate questions. especially as you cannot work on a forensic psychiatric ward when pregnant for obvious reasons.It causes huge issues in terms of staff retention.So if you are a physically fit man under 40 with no health issues you are more valuable to our service.That is not prejudice it is fact and reality.

    • From my experience women at my workplace are unless infertile a liability for the reasons stated above.

  22. Paddy goes for a job as a blacksmith. Blacksmith says “Paddy, do you have any experience of shoeing horses?” Paddy says “No, but I once told a donkey to fuck off! “

  23. I am responsible for our company recruitment and like Mr Cunt Engine, I work for an engineering company where not only technical qualification, experience and ability is essential, but lashings of common sense are required. If you don’t have it our Associate, who is a friendly Rotweiller, will pull your sphincter south.

    We are an equal opportunities employer. Everyone has an equal opportunity provided you meet the criteria.

    We always avoid groids, shitskins, peacefuls, fatties, bollockspeak wankers, militant wimmin, overselling clueless graduates, people who have worked multiple contract roles and now want a ‘stable job’ and flash fuckers with cheese-laden cv’s. My Director has a sock puppet Linkedin account so she can check many prospective interviewees. Many groids and peacefuls publish their pictures on their Linkedin profile to make it even easier to finalise our interview shortlists.

  24. Don’t know if anyone has noticed, but it seems common practice for interviewees who have received a “rejection letter” following an unsuccessful interview, to whinge about it on social media!

    Inevitably, they will put the blame down to a sexist/racist/homophobic/whatever-ist interviewer, and that “because I is black/a woman/a fat thicko chav” they never stood a chance! Boo hoo is me – and then expect a lot of support from the soft-as-shite libtards demanding an apology/retraction/another chance from said company.

    Seems people can’t handle rejection these days!

  25. I’m not sure about that. Blair, Major , Clegg , Kinnock etc seem to have handled rejection by the electorate very well . Despite being told to fuck off they are still there telling everybody how wrong they were to vote the way they did. Some cunts just have no shame.

  26. We once had a young woman turn up for an interview with short skirt and no knickers. To be fair this is second hand but the interviewers were my middle aged boss and a near retirement ex cop. I believe them. The ex cop said I tried not to look but it reminded me of a nice rolled leg of lamb, or maybe a nice piece of sirloin. No bullshit. Cheeky tart. Didn’t get job.

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