After a few days of warm weather the naysayers and doom mongers are beginning to mention hose pipe bans and restrictions, such as taking a shower rather than a bath…
Fuck me, it’s good ole Blighty, it rains for 10 months of the year and how often do we get to hear about floods in some place or other. So where has all that water gone I ask? We should be the Saudi Arabia of H2O, it should be our biggest export for cryin out load.
Mmmm, now fat cat water company bosses and shareholders pocketing the profits and not investing in the network? Too many people, approx 70 million on a small island design for about 35mil?
I despair. Hose pipe bans, stick em up yer arse.
Nominated by LeonardoDiCunty
Yeah, wherever you go there’s some cunt with his hand in your pocket and they use any fucking bullshit excuse to jack the price up, Brexit being the one size that fits all in the last 2 years.
What the fuck is this shortage of Carbon Dioxide? Where the fuck did that come from? Cunts.
I heard about a pub that put up the price of a pint by 50p during England games. Blatant fucking rip off? Of course not. This is to cover the extra cost of cleaning and security caused by the extra customers. Oh please fuck off.
One thing there’ll never be a shortage of is cunts trying to screw you.
And immigrants obviously.
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This entire country is one giant rip off. British pride my arse, everyone mugs off everyone else, it’s in our blood.
10
The CO2 shortage is a great opportunity to drink real ale instead of tasteless fizzy shit. Does me no harm and the bonus that I fart like a walrus.
21
Sometimes someone uses a turn of phrase which is entirely new to me. “Fart like a walrus” is one such phrase. It conjures up the idea of really loud, gross smelling bottom-belching. To me at least.?
Another one I overheard recently came from a group of men in my local pub where a particular young lady was being discussed and one of the men said that she could “suck a basketball through a garden hose”. I have no idea what he meant, but it does conveniently bring us full circle back to hose pipe bans…
11
@Kev
For years here in the states we have used the phrase, “she could suck a golf ball through a garden hose” to “praise” a woman gifted with supernatural oral ability. Never heard basketball though. Must come from “da hood”.
Have heard…”she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch”. Or even “she could suck a bananna through a tail pipe”.
👧
4
@Cuntstable
So in fact by drinking real ale and farting you are producing CO2 thus helping to alleviate the shortage.
Great ad campaign….
Cunter’s Brand Real Ale. We don’t use CO2. We produce it!
Hey! If we could bottle it we could send it to the Irish so they can make Guinness fizzy.
Here’s to you Paddy..
🍻
4
The drawback is that I am subject to the Paris Climate Change Agreement and strictly rationed on emissions.
By the way General. I have a micro brewery and brew some American recipe pale ales. You boys sure know how to make good beer. (Budweiser apart, of course)
3
I’m sorry fella but those wanky, yank pale ales in shitty little coke – sized cans are overpriced, under brewed, taste like piss and are bought and consumed by pretensious, self-important hipster weapons.
No offence.
1
Pump a load of fart into most beers, they’d end up tasting better…
2
My local boozer drops the price to £2 on England nights – all night too – only bitter and lager mind.
3
Gotta love a true Patriot!
😀 🇬🇧 🍺
1
An island surrounded by water, and yet we still get this ‘water shortage’ panic every time the sun comes out for a bit… The same cunts who are now moaning about this glorious summer weather are the very same cunts who were moaning when we were freezing our bollocks off with all that ‘Beast From The East’ bollocks…. A nation of snowflakes, softarses, and cunts… I love the hot weather in 1976 and I’m loving it now…
16
I like it when I’m outside but it becomes a bit uncomfortable when I’m indoors. Mainly because I’m in one of those places which feels like a fucking furnace and where heat comes in very, very easily.
6
I bet all the Africans living over here feel right at home.
5
They are probably doing a Live Aid style concert in Lagos for Britain’s in need of some urgently needed water for the hanging baskets, fronted by Lenny Hendry and Comic Reliefs M’tebeh.
I see you avatar is doing a bit of freelancing on the Nom’s page Jaynino.
4
Au revoir, LL; you know it makes sense. Cushty.
4
I’m on a private water-supply. I think I’ve mentioned before about the time that I turned off my new neighbours’ water after the woman abused me when I wouldn’t get off the road as she took her brats to school. They’d moved into the converted cottages a couple of fields away and I don’t think that they’d realised just where their private water supply originated….they did after the plumber explained to them and the husband came to see me. To be fair,he was OK,it was the woman who was the bitch.
Last year the Environment Agency tested the water and have condemned it due to traces of contamination…load of bollocks, I’ve drunk it your years as have others and it hasn’t made us ill. I thought that I’d better tell my neighbours,just in case, but after explaining to the husband that it would cost thousands to put in a new filtration system, and he’d be liable for their share, he agreed that it was probably better not to mention the report to his wife. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. The Agency haven’t insisted that I improve the supply,only recommended it.
The Environment Agency feel justified condemning my water, and yet compared to mains water it tastes like nectar. I’ll risk a tiny trace of “contamination” when compared to the chemical,recycled toilet-water that comes out of the mains.
Fuck them.
7
Who knows, the ‘contamination’ they speak of might actually be doing you good!
Our supply is contaminated with oestrogen, my sperm count has never been lower. On the plus side I can fuck anything bareback now without fear the recipient will subsequently drop one.
Also my pegs have never been in better shape since the Russians began putting fluoride in the water.
Swings and fucking roundabouts Dick… just like life really.
6
Don’t worry about the extra toe that glows in the dark, nothing to worry about so my doctor says.
6
“I can fuck anything bareback”?
Really, RTC…you’ll be responsible for getting Kravdarth all hot and juicy.
Actually, as he’s started posting “son of krav”, you might be getting into a very dodgy “swamp of savile” indeed!
5
If Son of Krav is the spitting image of Isabel Hardman, I wouldn’t say no. Or Kate McCann (the journalist, not the alleged child killer).
If he fits the bill, let me know – maybe we could hook up behind the Hare & Hounds one evening?
4
Ho ho “alleged”…
I remember at the time that suspicion (quite rightly) fell upon the parents…
Did you see this hilarious pic that was posted a few years back?!
https://goo.gl/images/vhxvXV
4
Ha ha, not seen that before.
I said ‘alleged’ to play it safe. I once left a post re John Smith and T. Bliars alleged role in his demise, and lost it cos I didn’t use the A word. Re-posted with the A word and it was ok.
5
Be careful I can see the water company and government placing your private supply into nationalization in order to boost up the network.
2
Fecking weather to hot for standing by a coke forge and behind an anvil turning out footwear for our equine clients, plus the increase of getting a booting cos of all the flies buzzing round the tits and arses of the clients, horses dont like it either
5
If we pay for a service we should be entitled to it. Bollocks to a hosepipe ban.
When the Severn bursts its banks every year because of lack of management I don’t see the Severn Trent water authority racing round to remove their fucking river from peoples living rooms. The householders couldn’t pump it away anyhow if there’s a hosepipe ban, they’d have to carry it away in buckets.
As usual, privatisation means our grossly overpriced bills go into some cunts trouser pocket instead of towards managing the waterways and distribution.
If it only costs £3 a month to stop some African cunt from dying of thirst, why does it cost me a fortune when Britain is surrounded by the stuff?
9
I fear that cunts may have something to do with it your grace.
3
Don’t drink water…..fish fuck in it & anyway it’s only for sailing boats in!
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Beer is better……
2
Filthy, cheating, coke addled Colombian cunts.
5
Fucking American Referee who thinks the game is American Football or Wrestling.! WTF.
2
I was wondering how one could get addled on coke when there’s a CO2 shortage; I always knew it knackered your bones, but…
Then I realised I’m a naive cunt !
1
Why not build some huuuge reservoirs in some floodplain area that does fuck all anyway and won’t be missed, jazz it up with some landscaping, and build some strategic pipes up/down left/right across the country that can pump that water to smaller reservoirs when needed.
Would create some jobs and solve the issue for good. Though it might be better if Thames Cuntdribble fixed all their shitty pipes first mind.
3
We need somewhere low lying and disposable. London springs to mind.
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Houses of Parliament already looks like a Victorian pumping station. Sorted!
4
Stop talking common sense!
3
Perhaps they could flood all the old cotton towns into reservoirs in the Lancashire valleys where are colored cousins live in their tens of thousands . That way you could kill two birds with one stone.
1
There are those who believe that one aim of the Progressives and their New Word Order is to control natural resources. Mineral, game, timber, land and of course…water.
Look around the world. The previously cunted city of Capetown is out of water. Northern California is abaze and Governor Moonbeam Brown has signed a bill penalizing water companies who provide water over a predetermined legislated limit…and California is coming off a record period of rain. And what about poor M’butu. How far does that fucking Savage have to walk just to glimpse a mirage?
Always remember…when the politicians start telling you there’s a problem and we have to take drastic steps…there’s fuckery afoot!
To paraphrase…there’s water, water everywhere…just none for you.
Fucking cunts!
😤🛀🚣🏊🥛☔💧
7
To be fair General, we’ve been subject to these ridiculous water shortages year after year, since the mid 1970s. There’s no fucking excuse. Except we’re governed by idiots. Who we vote into office. Tweedle dumb & tweedle dippy.
Will end up making tea with our own boiling piss.
4
Mid 70’s…about the same time the (so called) Environmental Movement came on to the scene.
🤔
3
The ‘scientists’ were predicting a 2nd ice age back then…
2
…and preaching water conservation.
🤔🚿🚽🛁💧
2
The water down south is like dragon piss. Pour a glass from the tap, and there is so much scale it looks like milk. It tastes of battery acid, fucks your showers, and makes your skin itch. I can have all of this, for the princely sum of £48 per calender month. Fucking bastard cunts.
5
Absolutely, we cant use a hose to put the flames out.
4
I live in the biggest olive producing region in Spain. Up until February we have had hardly any rain for five years, resoviors were very low. No bans or shortages tho and my version of the council tax, including water is 89 euros a year. One of many reasons I left UK along with it being filled up with cunts, getting ripped off, snowflakes, poofery and every kind of devient. I’m enjoying being an immigrant here.
7
Am beginning to think Brexit is actually a clever EU conspiracy to get rid of us pesky English pigs, not us getting rid of them. Several Leavers seem to be relocating to the 4th Reich…
No doubt once they’ve got our £40billion (soon to be £50billion and set to rise, according to some reports) they’ll breath a sigh of relief and cast us off into the Atlantic without so much as a bye your leave. Maybe we should join the United States? That’d teach ’em, ha ha…
4
They have poofs in Spain, you know…
1
Aren’t they all poofs? With the possible exception of the barman in Benidorm.
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I know and I don’t care. It doesn’t get rammed down your throat 24 hrs a day ( oh er missus)
2
You’ve sold me Sir Mali – Fuck Brexit, I’m upping sticks and coming your way once the summer’s over here… next week probably.
2
All the utility companies are a bunch of cunts; as are the oil supplier and petrol stations – they all love to fuck with your lives by restricting or rationing water, electricity, gas and of course petrol.
None of them bother consider massive investment (unless its mostly paid for via government subsidy – which is mental in its own right given they’re supposed to be private companies); but they want profits and by restricting resources it gives them the excuse to raise prices for a quick profit and a few quid in the pockets of cunty shareholders.
They’ve got us by the balls and they love to squeeze them from time to time
4
Water? Isn’t that the stuff they make coffee out of?
Been working in the sun in my own garden all day.
Reassembling a couple of vintage bikes, listening to rock music, drinking coffee and best of all, no boss looking over my shoulder (oh the joy of self employment).
Now opening a cold beer, so time to re-enact the end scene of that all time classic war drama “Ice Cold in Alex”
Worth waiting for…
7
Jammie Bastard! 😎
4
Legend has it that it took 14 takes to get the bar scene right and John Mills finished up pissed out of his brains…
7
Great film especially that Sylvia Simms tart! Wouldn’t mind drinking from her tight little honey pot!
4
Water? Wouldn’t drink the stuff on its own, though I like a drop in my tea.
0
Anyone have Richard Swift (bass player with Black Keys) in their dead pool?
0
I’m going to give you a ‘like’ for that post, despite your being an extremely selfish and irresponsible homeowner, imho.
☺️
3
Latest McDonalds advert pushing the nancification of young males, pratt in make-up. Why the fuck do they need to do it, joins special k the breakfast of empowered rug munchers. What a fucking Carry on all tough and as lots of ads keep informing us they are “owning it” they are “bossing the day” and lots of other bollocks designed to make the wet wipe generation feel strong and empowering.
3
The biggest problem with this heat is that it draws all the cunts to the few pub beer gardens we have left, honestly a bit of good weather and you see cunts you’ve never seen before hanging around your local as if they’ve crawled out from under a rock. Then there’s the problem of the heat turning people into lazy cunts who take a sickie or just do half a day to sit out in the sun.
1