Amateur Dietitians

These are those people who always know what everyone should be eating and shouldn’t be eating. What’s bad for you and what isn’t. And go on about it all the time.

However it is mostly badly informed and constitutes fashionable eating. Case in point – saturated fats. For 30 years this was supposedly the worst thing you could eat, causing heart attacks and the like. But guess what, now this isn’t bad apparently, it’s now processed vegetable oils that can cause cancer and all sorts of things.

Fact is the human body is adaptable to most things that we eat, people manage to get on fine with eating whatever they grew up eating, loads of veg, bugger all veg. Fatty stuff, no fatty stuff. Coffee and fags. I’ve known people eat all of this stuff and none of them follow any kind of pattern in terms of health problems or benefits arising from their eating habits.

I have tried different diets, partly to combat a chronic illness, it almost always made fuck all difference. In fact, the only ever result I ever had was to stop eating fruit, veg and things with fibre in it. See if you can guess the illness (it is now in remission).

No – what these amateur dietitians are doing is trying to involve you in their lifestyle bollocks for some pathetic ego or self esteem reason. Well I don’t give a shit, I don’t care how much better you feel or how much weight you lost (and then regained). What I do care about is that you shut up and stop going on about it.

I once knew a guy who was healthy, slim, in his 50s, smoked a bit of weed every day (not much), and necked about 20 kinds of pills every morning that he got off the internet. If he had his way I would be putting all sorts of shit into my body with god only knows what effect, and he would have loved it.

They all would. They all love their advice. They all think food is some kind of medicine, which it fucking isn’t. And they all want control over your life for their own entertainment. Well they can get fucked, and keep their stupid advice to themselves. There is a first world problem here, but it’s not being able to pick and choose a globally inspired diet and the subsequent choice problems that come along with it, it’s having to listed to insufferable cunts going on and on about what you should and shouldn’t eat.

Nominated by Cunting Rank Wags

65 thoughts on “Amateur Dietitians

    • Ha ha, nice one.

      Btw, Project Scare latest: the army has been put on standby in the event of a no deal Brexit…

      • There’s a fucking tank on my lawn. Protecting my sandwich stockpile.

      • Soon they’ll be urging us to stockpile candles ready for the blackouts that will surely come, cunts.
        Good morning.

      • That’s good – I’ve still got a cupboard full of the cunts left over from the 3 day week.

      • I’m sorry but they will not meet current EU safety standards, if you light them they’ll explode and turn your house to ash quicker than you can say ‘a second referendum would prevent this disaster from unfolding ‘.

      • The army should already be on the streets of Londonistan, Bradfordistan and Lutonistan in order to maintain a curfew among the parking Stanley’s and other sand dwelling types who insist on riding mopeds two at a time and using toilet cleaning products as a cheap form of plastic surgery.

        As for Brexit I’d like to see tanks in Downing Street and armed Apaches over the capital helping to enforce the democratic majority decision of leave. Rather some military top brass in charge for a while than the current shower of no mark politicians.

      • I think it’s time they declared a State of Emergency and suspend Democracy, just long enough to cancel the Referendum vote… then the country will live happily ever after.

    • Bah. I’m not paying £1 to read the rest. Let me guess what it says – various ‘trusted’ members of the press and academia were paid to write treacherous bullshit and puffery with regards their own countries endeavours? You’ll be telling me water is wet soon. Of course, none of the shills writing ludicrous pieces for project fear had their palms crossed with $oro$ians (traitors choice of currency)… Newsflash people, they are all crooked, even moreso the ones constantly claiming not to be.

  1. People tend to eat what they got given as a kid and that forms their basic diet in later life. That’s great at my age but today’s kids are fucked. When I was a kid if I had said “ I ain’t eating this shit” I would have got a slap across the mush and sent to bed hungry.
    You ate what you were given. Sweets were a once a week treat. The only fast food was fish and chips and what kid could afford that?
    Not that i’m complaining. The more of these cunts who shorten their lives by eating shit the better. It always makes me smile when a diverse young gentleman in a kebab shop says “don’t want none of that green shit, innit?”
    No cunt is going to get any dietary advice from me. There are too many people in this world so eat what you like and die soon cunt ok?

    • I hear you Fred. It wasn’t until I was about the age of 14 that I was even given a choice of what I wanted to eat for tea. There was a meal on the table, usually the old man’s choice of meat on the turn stuffed with more meat that probably had turned. I could turn up and eat, or I could piss off and stay quiet. Luckily the old man was a butcher so it wasn’t like I was being forced to eat poncey shit, just questionably tasting shit most of the time. If it was really on the turn he’d try and claim it was kangaroo, ostrich or some such. Good times.

    • YES! I’ve been responding to these cunts for years with ‘Just eat what your great-grandparents recognized as a normal diet and you’ll be fine’ unless you have a genuine condition like diabetes or cancer…in which case, see a real fucking medical doctor (not some shitpeddling, mediawhoring, supercilious cunt) for advice.

      I’m all for thinning the herd, too, but I resent ultimately having to subsidize those “disabled” lardasses who linger on indefinitely sucking at the government’s tit all the while bitching about how they should be accommodated and valued. Better that they all join a doomsday cult and collectively off themselves thus putting themselves out of everyone’s misery.

  2. I eat what ever I fancy, I know if I eat fry ups every day I will get fat. Simple as that. Some people eat and live healthy but still get cancer. Being a sanctimonious vegetarian didn’t do Lynda McCartney much good did it ?

    • I know it’s a bad thing to say but… I fucking howled at that observation Fenton!


  3. Gluten free winds me up. Total bollocks unless you are a coeliac. Just trendy bullshit masquerading as science.
    Gluten is wheat protein. Nutritious and beneficial unless you are in the 1% who really are intolerant – coeliacs, or of you have a fucking quiff and topknot and live in Islington.

    • “Paleo” is equally fucktarded. It’s only “paleo” if you’re a literal stick and stone wielding hunter-gatherer with no access to things like electricity, dental care, plumbing, etc. Try that out and see how long and fulfilling your life is, paleocunts!

  4. Partly off topic…

    Strange that Labour should be purging itself of Brexiteer MPs, yet fought the last election on a manifesto pledging to leave both the Single Market and the Customs Union…

    Last week it was Kate Hoey, today – surprise surprise – it’s Frank Field:

    Great cunting btw CRW – considering the parallels I might have been brought up in the same house as Freddie the Frog! Maybe he’s my brother in disguise…? Nah, impossible – my brother’s a right cunt.

    • Kate Hoey and Jacob Rees Mogg are the only true Brexiteers in the whole of Cuntminster!

      • Redwood is loyally Leave, as is Peter Bone, David Davis and a few others.

    • The very sinister John McDonnell said as soon as he is in number 11, his momentum mates will move in with him. For anyone who was in any doubt who controlls the so called Labour Party let it be clear to one and all it’s John McDonnell and his Momentum thugs.

  5. All dietitians,be they amateur or professional, are nothing more than interfering busybodies stealing a living by telling lard-arses to eat less. The NHS could save a fortune by sacking them all.
    Blubberies shouldn’t need a dietitian to tell them to eat less, get off their lardy-arses and do some physical exercise,or even…(horror of horrors) work.
    There you go,I’ve just distilled the entire raison d’etre for dietitians into one easy bite-size mouthful that even the laziest tubbster can swallow.
    Dietitians and their wobbly customers can all get fucked.

      • Bit liverish this morning, I must admit…bloody pies must have been off. Bad head, terrible thirst and a vague memory of ringing people up…can’t remember why,….Oh,and some Cunt apparently broke in,finished the gin and the Bushmills. Robbing Cunt.

        Hope that you’re feeling slightly more chipper than me.

      • As ever I’m on top of the world, thank you Dick.

        Sorry to hear of your burglary… be reassured the police will have the culprits in custody and charged before tea time.

      • Same here Mr Fiddler, if not already done you’ll have to fortify Fiddler Towers with some Viet Cong style booby traps and get the hounds a taste for any unwise intruders.

  6. There’s only two things I really keep an eye on when eating – calories and added sugar. All this shit about fat being bad for you or certain oils being bad for you and stuff like that is just that – shit. People worry far too much about these things.

  7. Jordan Peterson was on Joe Rogan a few weeks ago and explained that he had got amazing results just by switching to a diet high in meat. Certainly gives you food for thought.

    • I’ve just started listening to Jordan Peterson , he talks a lot but says fuck all. I found myself saying get to the fucking point you cunt.

      • I’m aware of his existence and respect his credentials but I wouldn’t exactly call myself a fan of his.

      • Jordan Peterson talks some bollocks. Especially pertaining to truth, morality and religion. Venaloid did some good videos on YouTube recently debunking some of Jordan Petersons sophistry and lazy conclusions.

        They are Jordan Petersons useless truth, Jordan Petersons lazy Christianity and Jordan Petersons sloppy morality. Well worth a watch.

      • I think Peterson’s a good egg, but if he wants to push religion he can fuck right off.

      • I would recommend watching more of Peterson. Venaloid fella clearly hasn’t grasped what Peterson is saying.

  8. Ex wife had a friend who was a pork princess but she put it down to being “big boned”, it came round one evening when we had a takeaway from the flip-flop shop being polite i offered her some which was declined due to having had dinner at home, i asked if she was sure and she said ok but only a little i piled plate up like Everest she scoffed the fecking lot plate shine as well, big boned, fat greedy cunt more like. Never saw Timeteam dig up skeleton and proclaim that the owner had big bones.

  9. Listening to some boring fuck bang on about food is almost as cuntish as listening to a fitness freak go on about exercise. Almost.

  10. Yasmin Alibhai-Brown is on the Beeb this morning showing concern and outrage at some of the rescued Thai football lads turning to Buddhism after their ordeal.
    Mind your own fucking business you opinionated, serial-victim, idiotic cunt.

    • What’s worse. Turning to a hippy-dippy cult of wheel-turning, robe-donning onion-heads or turning to a violent cult of lazy, Peaceful maniacs who despise women, believe in magic, and murder innocent people and children in the name of an imaginary friend?

    • Yes I caught that AL-BB-CERA disgrace of a programme with June Sourpingpong preaching the benefits of “multiculturalism”.

      After the Buddhist thing they then did a hand-wringing piece on how baaaad our Home Secretary is for not demanding we bring back the (never were and never will be British) ISIS beheading Jihadis murderers, and would it be too much to treat them as heroes and give them lots of compo too…

      They had a couple of bods on who said: “No fuck ’em!” – in not so many words but their argument was stifled all the time (by the “multicultural” presenting team) while the neo-liberal “hand-wringers” were allowed free range to pontificate endlessly and to intimate that had the perp’s not been murderous “peaceful” scum (i.e. basically white) that the Home Secretary would be bending over backwards to get them back to blighty.

      So there you have it, seeking justice against a couple of murdering “peaceful” bastards is waycist.

      Fucking cunts! 😠

  11. The worst ones for knowing the calorific value of all and every foodstuff are the early 40-something birds who’ve gained a few “Mummy” pounds and who now look at their 20-30 something child-free counterparts as “bitches” all the while smiling through their gritted teeth at them.

    They make a big thing of chewing on carrot and celery sticks all day whilst imbibing camomile tea and the like and they never loose an ounce.


    Because as soon as they get home you just know that they’re fist deep into a movie bag of Doritos and pint tub of Ben & Jerry’s all washed down with a couple of bottles of Chardonnay – hating themselves after each mouthful or sip – thus procrastinating their cycle of self-loathing trying to be something they’re not: younger!

    The sad thing is that most if them are fine good looking women who should just live and love their life looking forward, instead of in regret looking back.

    The other thing – which tickles me – is the about turn on animal fat being the absolute worst thing for health ever.

    I have a shit diet which revolves around a lot of salt and meat products. My cholesterol level should be off the charts, my arteries should be the width of piano wire and I should be a cash-cow for Glaxo-Smithkline and AstraZenica right??

    Wrong. Not on one fucking tablet! In fact I can’t remember the last time I even had a paracetamol.

    A few years back I pissed myself when the new dietary demon revealed by the BMA was refined sugar and the products therein.

    You see while I am a scratchings and crisp bandit, I have never liked or enjoyed sweet things.

    I do drink beer but I’ve never drank fizzy pop, I’ve always liked fizzy water, chilled.

    This would explain why my racing snake counterparts, who do like to stuff themselves with Mars bars and drink coke like tap water, are on more tablets than soft Mick for cholesterol, diabetes and even depression because of withdrawal symptoms from having their sugar fix removed/severely reduced.

    Yeah I fucking laugh at those cunts! Hah!

    The only thing that I do know works – purely because I know two mates who did it: if you’re caught having type 2 (i.e. greedy cunt/bad diet) diabetes early, you can completely reverse those affects by going onto a vegan diet for 6 months. After then all of your stats (in most cases) will be back to normal without flooding the coffers of pharma-chem giant for pills which merely suppress the symptoms.

    Once back to normal you can reintroduce the “naughty” stuff back, in moderation – as it is with everything.

  12. RWC you lucky bugger no pills, im on 45 a day and insulin for type 1 diabetes. I have been on receiving end of a lot of “helpful ” advice re diet for years some good some bad but a lot of it lecturing

    • Yes it’s the “preachyness” of it all that most find it gauling.

      The information may be 100% correct but when it’s delivered by some sanctimonious, nasally cunt with a superiority complex the initial reaction is: “FUCK OFF! CUNT!”

    • I’m a 61 year old slim cunt , I go for a run once or twice a week, go to the Gym and cycle to work. But that hasn’t stopped me getting peripheral artery disease , high cholesterol and high blood pressure. fuck knows what I did to deserve it but some people it doesn’t matter how much a healthy life you lead , if your prone to cancer heart disease etc there is fuck all you can do to prevent it. Possibly leading a healthy life will hold it all back for a while.

      • I don’t even wank that much anymore. If I do just dust comes out these days. Fucking pathetic !!!

      • Interesting comments Fenton. Cannot believe how relatively healthy I am. Between years 14 and 63 I abused my body temple ruthlessly, though not quite in same league as Keith Richards.

        For the last 2 years have been on detox cos I feared I’d caught Alzheimer’s!

        Fortunately, like Ernest Saunders and Greville Janner, I appear now to be in remission… touch wood.

        All the best with your preventative measures.

      • Not as such Cuntstable… am currently serving a self imposed whole life tariff. I live in hope however.

  13. No wonder productivity is so low in this country, what with all these phoney diet ‘professionals’ leeching off the economy.

    It’s the same with those unregulated counselling cunts (my sister-in-law’s one) relieving Grenfell authorities of taxpayers cash – not to mention their dippy middle class marks (£40 an hour to whinge about how hubby’s attitude to Brexit is ruining her non existent sex life and little Tarquin’s future). And don’t get me started on interpreters…

    No pills for me currently, touch wood.

    Except the occasional Co-Codamol… and a Diazepam now and again when the piss boils over dangerously.

    • Good points RTC and so-called experts in these fields are worthy of an epic cunting in their own right. One that grinds my gears but does not surprise me is childcare more specifically parents who send kids to school and are not toilet trained, there is a whole industry catering to lazy bastard parents and the cunts who indulge them. Working full time is not an excuse for being a cunt.

    • Ah the “Therapist” epidemic which – like the “Ambulance Chaser” blame culture – has drifted over from our friends in the States.

      Luckily the only cunts I know who pay these charlatans are exactly those Tristram & Jemimah types, living in Londonistan, with more money than sense.

      Folk who have a boat load of money and who are unhappy – for me – have a complete and utter lack of imagination.

      If I was minted to the point where I could do what I liked when I liked, I’d be the happiest cunt on planet earth!

      Cunts who have these “1st World” problems are the problem in itself. They are weak sheep looking to be guided on how they should live their over-privilaged lives, how to feel and what to think.

      No, you earn/gain those feelings through living your own life – otherwise you evolve to be the Eloi to a (soon to be Shariah) Cuntminster’s Morlocks!

      You soft cunts!

      • For out and out cuntishness just google ‘mindset coach for women’ and have a look.

        Full of phony guru’s preying on easily led dimwits to relieve them of their cash.

        What a bunch of cunts.

  14. Diets are for imbeciles, which seems to be a very large portion (ah ha) of the population.

    There’s no logic either in eating lots of healthy stuff and supplements if you insist on draining the body through excess booze, drugs and sex anyway. Our model for health in the west is so one dimensional.

    ‘Everything in moderation’ includes your outlets, not just what you stuff in your cake hole.

  15. I’m a vegetarian though I never advise or preach to people. I sit with friends and family who eat fish or meat and it doesn’t bother me. I’m constantly provoked into arguments to which I never rise. Since I was eighteen, I’ve heard the same hackneyed insults, ignorant questions, and moronic clichés.

    Amateur advisers are just opinionated turds who think their taste is imperious. They probably think their choice of music/film/novel is superior. It’s as much of a scam as a clairvoyant, a Life Guru or a Motivational speaker.

  16. Everything in moderation until you’re in your 60s and 70s and decide “fuck it, let’s rock!!” and go all out on sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll!

  17. Everything in moderation until you’re in your 60s and 70s and decide “fuck it, let’s rock!!” and go all out on sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll!

    (or more realistically go large on junk food, smoke fags if you want, and drink copious amounts of booze, because you’ve got fuck all else to lose! And let’s face it who wants to stick around and watch this country go even further down the shitter!?)

    • I’ve been teetotal for 14 years, a pescatarian for about 5 years and sugar-free for as long as I can remember. And where’s it got me? Ptthhh… (Craving Mars bars.)

      I comfort myself that if/when I get THAT diagnosis we all dread – I’ll go out in a blaze of pies, Tunnocks teacakes and medium sherry.

      I’ve even been thinking of what music to have played at my funeral; Free Bird (by Lynyrd Skynyrd) for one, and perhaps some Vaughan Williams. See? THAT’S what health gurus do to you. Cunts!

      • At least you’re not having ‘Lady In Red’. Anything but that, ffs!!

      • No. I’m commissioning a *hi-dome* coffin so there’ll be space for my air guitar. Come to think of it, I’m almost looking forward to it.

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