Snowflake cars are cunts.

We should have seen the warning to history back in the 80’s when Citroen 2CV’s appeared dressed as lady birds.

In the entire history of the automobile the ‘deux chevaux’ set the scene. A genuinely awfull mode of transport beyond basic.

Who drove this shit? In my experience it was long frock wearing right on Media Studies and Art Teachers destined to become modern parents.

No doubt Le Froggy, knowing the cars they produced were an utter pile of shite marketed them as having a personality that reflected yours, this car is really shit, I mean really really shit and you’re such a cunt you’d love to associate your self with it as it marks you out as being ‘like ya know, right on man’

So fast forward to 2018 and the modern day equivalent.

The latest trend? Let’s give the fucker a name, let’s call the cunt Adam, some cunt in Vauxhall’s marketing department got a bonus for that.

Not to be outdone, Renault respond with the Zoe, a shit name if ever there was but they’ve got previous as they brought us the Megane. Or Megan in English.

Then there’s the Cactus, ok it’s not a name as such, but who drives a car named after a hardy desert plant with a random rubber pattern adorning the flanks?

Fortunately though for the Snowflake, times moved on, todays cars are an appendage, air con is standard, as is a luxury interior but what counts most is giving the cunt a human name.

I had a mate who got a boxer dog and called it Norman, it was quirky at the time, now every cunt is giving their pets a stupid human name as it makes them stand out when they have to shout ‘Norman, come here now, bad Norman, stop trying to bum Ted’

And to cap it all you’ll never own Zoe or Adam as the Snowflake only understands the ‘never never’ instilled in them by the bank of Mum and Dad.

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface.

I would like to nominate people who keep ‘Exotic’ pets.

It appears that some guy name of Dan Brandon was asphyxiated by one of his 10, yes 10 snakes he kept in his bedroom along with 12 Tarantulas. On the night in question his Mam said she heard a thud in his bedroom but just assumed he had knocked something over. By the time they found him it was too late. What’s more at the inquest the coroner concluded that the death was caused as a result of contact with the snake but that he had no reason to suspect it was because of aggression or confrontation but if anything a show of affection! Affection. Affecttion!! This is a fucking snake not a fucking kitty kat.

It appears to me that there are three cunts in this sorry tale. No1 and biggest cunt is obviously Dan who chose to keep these fucking deadly creatures in his bedroom so I don’t think he’s got much to complain about when one decides to do what it’s fucking here on Earth to do.

No2 are his Ma and Da for even contemplating the notion of letting the thick cunt bring them in to the house in the first place. What in fucks name were they thinking. Imagine living there. You’d be scared fucking shitless to open a cupboard door or even take a dump lest some slithering reptile jumps out or decides to latch on to your fucking nutsack. Fuck me!

No3 has got to be the fucking coroner. To suggest that a snake somehow is capable of showing affection makes the mind boggle. I don’t ever recall old Davey Attenborough in the jungle with a twenty foot python making it roll over while he tickled its fucking tummy or seeing a King Cobra striking out only to stop short and say ‘just kidding’. No I’m sorry. Sad as this whole affair is there is no other conclusion to be drawn except that people who keep such beasts are indeed Cunts.

Nominated by Kendo Nag