BBQ

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I’d like to nominate barbecues for a cunting.

Anyone that barbecues deserves all they get. Barbeques….smelly fucking things stinking out everything around them for a couple of hundred yards.

Oh let’s have a barbecue on the decking luv and invite all our BMW X5 driving chav mates round to keep the neighbours awake until four in the morning” Cunts.

Barbecued food is awful, undercooked or overcooked and all tastes the same. Burnt.

What do these cunts think an oven, grill, toaster, hob, microwave etc are for? Cunts.

Nominated by Ian Appropriate

162 thoughts on “BBQ”

  1. My neighbour thinks it’s ok to have a BBQ and make loads of noise, but it is not ok for me to burn rubbish in my incinerator

    • My former neighbour used to consider it acceptable to have parties every Saturday until four in the morning, but whinged like a Remainer when I put my amp up against the bedroom wall and played AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Guns’n’Roses etc on my guitar at 10am on Sunday morning.

      • One Saturday morning, I was trying to get some sleep after coming home from a night shift, when I was woken up at 9.30 by members of the local church singing hymns through a little PA outside on the main road. So, I put my much louder hi fi speakers on the open window, and played the song ‘black sabbath’ at full volume, easily drowning out the pious cunts. It was bad enough working a Friday night, without being woken up by a bunch of nutters singing fairytales.

      • I applaud most people that can play the guitar, apart from cunts like Ed Sheeran etc , but, and this is a catch twenty two, but people learning the guitar are cunts.

        Some of you must have had a sibling, mate or flatmate that was learning the guitar and you’ve wanted to bash the cunt for playing the same rift over and over.
        My favourite bands are guitar bands, so again, this is not a cunting of guitarists, this is a cunting for cunts learning the guitar.
        Especially my mate ROB, who is still learning the acoustic, all these years and the cunt brings it to the beach and does my head in.
        He’s been learning for four fuckin years, maaaaan!

      • RIFF not Rift

        PS, i cant play the guitar, but at least i know i can’t.

        Can play the trombone though.

      • Pulling teeth by Metallica is a belter to penetrate through the walls to piss off a neighbour.

      • When I lived in a semi years back, my neighbour used to real piss me off playing music late at night.

        Thankfully I was able to retaliate using a 200 watt HiWatt amp and 8 12 inch speakers

  2. Just so we’re clear, cooking on a camp fire does NOT count as a BBQ. The wood on a campfire isn’t pre-burnt, and there certainly are no gas bottles involved. And you can’t spit roast meat on a BBQ.

  3. The media are wondering how macro cock Macrons’ aged cougar wife manages to look younger than her age. The answer is, she doesn’t! He looks like some cuckolded son taking his mum out to buy a new wig. It’s said she gave up her job to help him with his political ambitions. Over here, we call it retirement…..

    • Who the fuck thinks she looks younger than her age? Because she looks twice as old as Kirk Douglas. And he’s 100.

      • I dare say she followed all the French, and dropped ’em in 1940…
        She was probably Rommel’s bit on the side….

    • It’s not difficult to see who wears Le pantalon in that relationship. France now has a president who takes it up l’arse by his strap-on-wearing aged wife.

      Vive Le Lube!

      • I have a strange feeling that this Presidency will not end well.The wrinkled old prune will freak out once she is the target of close up photography!

    • With her looks i am sure she appeared in Plant of the Apes, an absolute shoe in, no need for the make up department or ape mask with her.

      Not the recent films but the original 60’s job with Charlton Heston, she is fucking old enough.

      • Come to think of it….an excellent comparison . Planet of the Apes ! ( You’re right, I thought I’d seen her somewhere before )

  4. Some cunts don’t know how to cook food on a barbie. I don’t like having BBQs at home, but I fucking well know how to do one properly. Too many flies, too hot and/or too smokey and your barbie will rapidly descends into a full on piss up. Fuck that. Then the muntered cunts’ll start walking in your nice indoors with scruffy feet and charcoal arse trousers. And the women will make a right mess of your bathrooms or else they’ll getting their periods in your pool. It happened to me. True story!
    Bleeding cunts!

    • Fuck off ya pommie cunt! We invented the modern day concept. There is nothing like a roo fillet done medium rare with a couple of cold tubes.

      • A Roo fillet? Fuck me. Thats what they eat in “Im a Celebrity “

  6. Aussies are full of shit. They’re always the best at everything (according to them). If Oz is so great stay over there and stop coming over here with your big fucking flapping gums. Mouthy cunts.

    • I went to Australia for a month and was bored fucking stupid after 2 weeks. Couldn’t wait to leave the place, a huge amount of fuck all as far as I could see. I’ve no wonder they all want to escape back to the mother country. And the “beer” is fucking piss and all.

      • I don’t know how you can taste the piss, the beer is usually served in a frozen block.

      • I am a non-drinker but when I did drink I found Australian beer awful. Very gaseous and not much flavour aside from a metallic aftertaste. The smell of pub urinals in the morning gives a clue as to why beer is named piss.
        As for the boring, I’m sure it happens but I keep ahead of the game. And the full of shit accusation isn’t an exclusive to my fellow Australians. For nearly all of my life I’ve listened to those from every corner of the world who now call Australia home and their spiel is common. They tell me how wonderful their homeland is and how excellent their former countrymen are. They seem to be in limbo with one foot in the old country and the other in Australia.
        I lived in Worthing, West Sussex for two and a half years between ’06 and ’09. I enjoyed my time there and made the best of things, but it was hardly scintillating 24/7 … Weeknight entertainment seemed to be a monotonous circuit of pubs and bars that played deafening pop music and attracted oily chavs sporting cheap’n’chunky chains around their skinny, pea heart necks. During daylight hours those who actually had jobs were mostly cubicle drones stuck trancing out in front of a computer screen all day. Hence their night time activities. The women were mostly tarted-up femmebogues who dropped their daks for the first bloke that gave them a sideways glance. All for the purpose of being impregnated then signing on to welfare to score a ratty little semi-detached hovel in a hoodrat street full of wannabe gangsters born from whores and kiddie fiddlers, most of whom would never have had a fight in their miserable, pathetic lives.
        Statistics show that Australia is the first destination for millionaires nowadays with figures reaching over 11,000 during 2016. This doesn’t exactly fill me with the milk of human kindness towards my fellow citizens as many are, despite their ill-gotten gains, unsanitary peasants.
        I like England and I’d go live there again tomorrow if I felt like it. But I have a lot going on here and all of it interests me.

      • Fair points.
        I’ve lived in Melbourne in my life and it ranges from being alright, to dull-as-fuck. We have chavs and benefit-chasers and you have boguns and junkies. It was frightening if you went further than a few miles from the city. PROPERLY backward.

        I thought it was alright. Too hot, no old architecture, hideously racist and a tad dull.

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