Tax Dodging

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Blimey O’Rielly or should that be blimey Mossack Fonseca, here we go again into globalised finances ie Dealings Dodgy. Right in the frame is Cunt Cameron and family. Seems his dear late rich daddy made lots orf moohlah in global slush funds. All allegations denied by Cameron junior and delightful wife. Should allegations be substantiated then our upstanding PM will join the select secret trough alongside the likes orf Putin and ruski olligarchs various, Kim Wrong-Un, Castro, Mugabe and any evil dictator you care to mention – and a special mention for Donald Trump and the Clintons. Many fingers pointed at our own MPs and Ministers. Denials and No Comments all round so lots orf fun in store.

Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney, that weird ugly cunt that plays Mr Bean, a stellar cast orf allegations in the world orf showbiz and music. Plus HSBC and a direct link to China and many honest as the day bankers and money mongs. Poor cunts must have somewhere to salt away their bonuses.

Talking tax havens me dears, orf shore wanking and anonymous companies. All as old as the hills but this is how it works:

Complex networks orf companies are set up by nests orf august lawers with nominee shareholders and directors and each company is in turn owned by another complex orf anonymous companies while any funds benefit from massive tax deductions acrorss the world. All deliberately blenderised and obscure so tax authorities have not a clue and very little chance orf finding oit who owns what. That bit is simple and also legal. Would we suggest otherwise?

Favourite tax havens are mostly UK linked, Bahamas, Jersey, Virgin Islands (is that owned by Branson as well?) and old favourites Andorra, Luxembourg, Lichtenstein and Switzerland, the latter an old stamping ground for our friends Platini, Blatter and tah dah, FIFA.

Just think anywhere that dear old Dioclese might encounter as a port orf call on one orf his voyages with the good lady wife. Ever thought orf offering tax consolidation seminars in between the all you can drink buffets Dio? (me brief advises I put Without Prejudice at this juncture)

As an indigent old aristo have been negotiating me way around the tax system all me life and naturally feel that any rich buggers should pay their dues. Caveat being me sympathy for any poor cunt caught in our draconian divorce laws and recommend stashing any portables oit orf sight and smell orf the old harriden’s lawyers. Have only stayed alive this long to avoid paying death duties.

Want to protect your savings from your dole or that little nest egg the wife knows nothing orf ?

Rather pertinent for the start of the new tax year today, don’tcha think?

Nominated by: sir Limply Stoke

17 thoughts on “Tax Dodging

  1. As David Cameron’s old dad would have told Jeremy Corbyn, “Put on a proper suit, do your tie up, sing the national anthem – and get Mossack Fonseca to hide your money from the taxman…”

  2. I honestly couldn’t understand any of that, all I know is that my opt out pension 1980s turned to shit (government recommend)
    My morgage endowment scheme, ditto.
    Again the government has forced me out of my NI pension scheme and then sent me another letter saying im up shit street!
    Fuck them all, I am up for digging a hole in the ground, living in it and defending it myself with a pointy stick.
    Its all beyond me, roll on winning the lottery and fucking off out of this immoral country.

    • M’Lord I very much like the pointy stick bit. Glad to read that others on this insightful forum have an appreciation for improvised weapons. Am basically in same boat so have an understanding of the desire to cause fatal injuries to the lying, thieving bastards who screwed up the pension system etc. But wait a dim light glows in the murk of fiddlings is it not another 5 million migrants from every shithole in the universe poised to land on our sacred shore? We are saved! their hard work will help us old bastards by providing us with decent pensions etc. This is true because a canvassing councillor told me and those in public service do not lie.
      Bit of a shame because the wife let the dogs loose and he did not have time to fill me in on the rest of his noble tale as one dog was raping his leg and t’other was attempting to tear said councillors arse off. Very surprised at his vocal response, showed the man had a hidden side. Almost autographed my undies I was laughing so much. Just waiting for plod now (again oh dear)
      ,

    • These fucking evil bastards, bloody MPs, whole lot of them have got Midas touch (amongst other unmentionable things!!) in reverse…everything they fucking touch turns to shite… Used to think I was a fairly peaceable sort of soul, but not so sure now… Fancy trying my hand at a spot of benign dictatorship, although sadly a few hundred (at least) will have to visit some sort of Brave New World, which will involve an awful lot of flogging to death… (this will replace football as all-year spectator sport). Or something like that. Anyway, this is how I feel after a long pm of building IKEA furniture…

  3. Tax dodging bastards, I hate em. Maybe it’s because I am stupid and have to be on team PAYE. If I would do what I could to stop it being taken away and given to entitled cunts claiming as many benefits as they can spell.

    The answer to the nations woes is not taken money of some and giving it to others. It convincing people who can’t afford to reproduce to stop fucking and dropping kids all over the shop that we have to finance.

    What sort of selfish cunt has kids they cannot afford and then skips off to the social for more handouts?

  4. Pigporker Cameron and his family of cunts will be knee-deep in dirty tax dodges… But will he get away with it? Of course he fucking will….

    Change of subject for a minute… Now I know Adele is a cunt (and a fat one at that), but the idea that Rebel Wilson is going to play the tuneless chav in a biopic is insulting even to Adele…

    Fucking funny though…

  5. The government (Labour and Tory) have had years to sort this out, but have so many dirty fingers in so many pies that they haven’t had the inclination to do so. They are all corrupt, money-grabbing bastards who are undermining our way of life and our culture with their mass-immigration policies, while having nice second/third homes in pretty little white-only villages and not giving a shit about the rest of us.

  6. Not here to defend any dodgy dealing, but there is a difference between tax evasion and tax avoidance. The difference being one’s legal and the other isn’t. Loop holes are there to be exploited and I take my hat off to the smart alecs who figure out how to divert funds away from the thieving bastards at the Inland Revenue.

    I used to coin it big style as an independent IT consultant back in Blighty in the good old days until Her Majesty’s fucking greedy cuntish government brought in new regulations known as IR35. That fucked it for everyone. The new laws are so unbelievably unfair that it prompted me to look elsewhere for gainful employment. Not the only factor by any means, but it certainly contributed to me pissing off to Yankland. Happy to be part of the ‘brain drain’ we hear about from time to time. You’re welcome.

    If it’s legal, exploit it to the max. Playing fair and paying your share only leads to over paying, exploitation by the tax authorities and ever increasing hand outs to the lazy, fat, stupid welfare trolls. Makes you think who are the stupid ones are. Cunts!

    • Methinks the first yank characteristic you have absorbed is their total lack orf irony and have lorst that vital characteristic orf your mother country, taking the piss.

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