The New Tax Year


It’s that fucking time of year again when we desperately try to get all the paperwork together so we can claim back all the overpaid tax that the cunts at HMRC have overdeducted for the previous 12 months.

I love the 6th April – like a fucking hole in the head. Every bloody year I submit a tax return for myself and then just to prove I’m a masochist, I do one for the other half as well.

Last year we got about £1,600 back between us. That’s £1,600 they helped themselves to and we should never have paid them in the first place. It’s like a savings scheme – but without interest. But fucking Jesus Christ help you if you owe them money. Then is threats of dire consequences and big fines if you don’t do all the paperwork on time and cough up the dosh.

Yeah, I fucking love the 6th April. It’s my own bloody fault for being an ex accountant…

Nominated by: Dioclese

13 thoughts on “The New Tax Year

  1. Sounds like you need a holiday, Dio. You haven’t been away for at least a couple of weeks… 😉

    Cunted “soap stars who wear glasses in public” recently. Can’t find the original thread, but here’s a picture that demonstrates exactly what I mean:

    Wear glasses all you like, you cunts, but no one is going to think you’re an intellectual who only plays a cunt on TV.

    • Well they all still look as thick as pig shit to me. There was an actress of some sort on a morning “discussion” show (think it was “The Shite Stuff” a few months ago) mouthing off about the evils of capitalism. Fair enough to have a sincere opinion but when the adverts came on guess who was doing the voice over for the Pizza Hut ad? Maybe the cheque bounced or something…

      • After a bit of research I can confirm it was Natalie Casey from that shitty “Two Pints of Lager” comedy that was about as funny as a yeast infection. And I’ve been to Pizza Hut once in my life and it was shit…

  2. Jack Charlton is a fucking cunt.
    The arrogant cunt had a fucking nerve abusing the gentleman that is Billy Bingham at Windsor Park. He was wrong to do it, he knew it and apologised…but the damage to Billy’s reputation was done by a media all too keen to support him.
    Add him to my death pool.

  3. Ah HMRC, do not have much to do with them as spent most of working life on PAYE though they even managed to fuck that up four times and owed me money. Now retired due to illness and having next to fuck all I am able to avoid the fuckers most of the time. I really feel for those who have to deal with these shitheads on a regular basis my ex son-in-law was pursued for three years for monies he did not owe and this contributed to a breakdown that eventually caused his marriage to fail. Thanks HMRC for fuck all. Their problem was they had lost some of his submitted paperwork or some such shite. Now I keep hearing about their fuckups but then the munter that ran them had some honour bestowed upon her or better paid job. Is that right? Hells bells this is all to much for me. The very best wishes to all of you who have to deal with such a bunch of cunts as HMRC, my thoughts are with you at this troubling time. I’m off to poke thistles (nasty spiney bastards)

  4. Remember to dab a little perfume on your tax return. Considering what they are going to do to you, the least you can do is get them in the mood…

  5. I’ll have to introduce you to my Piling System and the art of prevaricating until January.

    Living life on the edge.

    HMRC you is a Cunt!

  6. Being only small fry self-employed I just have to fill in a “short” tax return, the thing dropped through my letterbox this morning. Not had to give the cunts anything in years but still resent having to fill the fucker in. Hate paperwork with a passion…

    • This is why I employ a decent accountant.

      A couple of times a year, just sign the form if you agree with the figures and then they stick two fingers up at HMRC on my behalf.

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