I think it’s time Hollywood was cunted. It seems that Hollywood scriptwriters have become lazy and lost their imaginations. I’ve come to this conclusion due to the lack of original movies, and because of the number of remakes/reboots that have been made lately. And also because of the remakes that are on the way.

Robocop, Total Recall, Clash of the Titans, Evil Dead, Fright Night, Conan. These are just some of the unoriginal movies that have come out of tinseltown over the past six years or so. And apart from all being remakes, the other thing they have in common, is that they were all shite. Total Recall never had a chance, because it had Colin Farrell in it. And Robocop was an emasculated pile of dog shit. The writers went for a 15 rating, and ended up with a movie that deserved a PG rating.

Now we have Ghostbusters on the way. It should have been a movie to get excited about. But then we found out that the producers were cockless PC freaks who have made the four lead characters entirely female. I can just imagine that meeting. Bottles of organic, fair trade spring water on the table, with organic, fair trade tofu and Mung beans. OK guys, I have a radical idea. Let’s fuck things up and make the lead characters women. I’ve seen the trailer for it, and it looks shite. Of course Harold Ramis had a big hand in the original movie, and he was a comedy genius. Unfortunately, he’s no longer with us. Unfortunately, today’s writers have all the talent of a roll of toilet paper.

I also happen to know that they’ve remade Kindergarten Cop, another Schwarzenegger movie, with Dolph Lundgren, and a remake of Predator is on the way. What next? Commando? These cunts should be beaten with sticks until they can come up with something original, or at the very least, improve on the movies they’re currently pissing on.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

19 thoughts on “Hollywood

  1. I agree hollywood stopped making good films and TV shows along time ago simple as that, they also inject their poisonous liberal marxist ideologies in it. I’m also very weary of remakes wether it be film or music but especially film its always 100% fail.

    Some how they attract a audience dumb enough to watch it thats what baffles me. I would talk on this subject further but I don’t want to inflict 6 million tears so I’ll just keep it simple and say hollywood is shite, absolute shite. I hope the champagne humanitarian celebrities and the do-gooding directors hang to death or get cancer bloody wankers. Video games are the new medium for entertainment but it consumes more of your brain power and energy

    • Hollywood…..movie franchise capital of the world.
      Home of the already penned sequel and prequel.
      That’s all folks……….

  2. Totally behind this cunting. Hollywood has been bereft of quality and originality for many years now. The remakes, re-hashing sequels, comic strip character and animation movies are now totally out of control. Some of the remakes have been downright insulting too. For example, Steve Martin should have had more sense and sensitivity to say no to revamping The Pink Panther movies. Wanker!

    Personally, I partially blame the internet and so-called social media for the dumbing down of life in general. I can’t be the only person who sees through this horseshit. Typing abbreviated nonsense to each other on what some people perceive to be portable life support machines is having a devastating effect on communication skills, literacy, discourse and intelligence. The illiterate dolts who think the world begins and ends on Wankbook, Twatter and Instafuck will be running the country in the years to come. How scary is that?

    Another thing which pisses me off is the seemingly continual ‘breaking’ of box office records. These days some cuntish piece of crap makes $100M in its first weekend blah blah blah. Completely glossing over the fact that when Hollywood actually made decent movies and had actual movie stars (e.g. Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, Steve McQueen, etc.), ticket prices were thruppence.

    John Cleese, in an interview many years ago, said something to the effect the most diffucult movie to make these days is something original. There’s a man who knows what he’s talking about.

    • Farrells best effort comes in 2008 film ‘In Bruges’…..also stars Brendan Gleeson, who is class and steals the show.
      Worth a look.

  3. Horrid Henry is a cunt. I guess the clue is in the name, but literacy for children should have some sort of moral thread holding the story together so the young shits can learn something. But Horrid Henry is just a cunt. A pure little cunt.
    I bet new, hip mums pour this little arsehole down their kids throats because it had a good write up in Grazia or some such wank, without actually realising they’re just informing their mini-cunts in a lifestyle of being a selfish, obnoxious, camp, thick as fuck, cunt.
    I have to witness my step-kids drooling over this dog shit, if I have a child of my own it will be Trapdoor, Braveheart and Chock-a-block on Youtube to entertain the pricks.

  4. The cunting is richly deserved.
    Every time you go to a movie these days there’s a 90% chance that it’s a shameful waste of Cellulose Acetate, better use would have been made of the stuff by spinning it into filament for sleeveless fleecies, which could be donated to those poor FIFA execs
    I watched “The Big Short” a couple of months back and I’m still trying to wake up after it , what a fucking snorefest . It was the ideal cure for someone with insomnia.
    The Hateful 8 wasn’t so bad but they get carried away with splattering blood and guts all over your popcorn… The Americans seem to love that stuff
    ( I wonder why?… ask me after the next mass shooting).
    For me the best entertainment has come from the cable TV series .
    Shows like Breaking Bad , Fargo, The Wire and of course The Sopranos, let us know that there is a lot of talent out there.
    However once the Hollywood bunch of LGBT fuckups get a hold of something good, they’ve got you watching gay Noddy raising his Efiopian psycho kids with transgendered Big Ears.
    That said, there has been one good movie I’ve seen lately “Hail Caesar” it ‘asn’t dun well at the borx orifice because it’s way too intellectual for the average North American moviegoer and it’s too simple for the European ones.
    If you get a chance go see it , it’s fucking funny. Have to go now , my Term Deposit in Jersey is maturing

  5. Anyone seen Look Who’s Back? Kind of spoof dark comedy about Hitler coming back after 70 years. I caught it off Netflix (and, no, I don’t subscribe, I rob it from my daughters’ account). Fucking brilliant film. It might make you think about the krauts sense of humour, it’s there alright.
    Haven’t seen a proper Hollyoaks movie for years, although I do admire these chaps that have taken to using real film again for public screenings.
    Just off to clean my vinyl collection and tidy the shed….

    • Thanks for the tip, Arsebiscuit. I found that movie on the Yank Netflix. Will give it a view soon. Cheers, I.Y.

  6. On the topic of Hollywood I think Paul Hollywood needs a fresh cunting. The smug greasy fake tanned looking spiv.

  7. The only Hollywood output I bother with is Science Fiction or Superhero films (yes, I know. Sad eh?) and the odd mindless shoot ’em up Die Hard clone (White House Down, Olympus Has Farted, that sort of thing) Cinema is supposed to be entertainment and if that involves putting my brain away then hey lets go. If I want real life I’ll check the media which is all biased one way or the other to the point that you may as well be watching outlandish fiction anyway. Oh and Zack Snyder is a cunt, as many who watched the recent Batman Vs Superman outing will confirm.

  8. I’ll tell you what is worse than Hollywood and that is Bollywood. Or at least I imagine it is, 500 cunts in saris dancing to sitar bollocks. Give me The Longest Day or Kelly’s Heroes anytime.

  9. There was once a SUPERB tv production of “The Woman in Black”, one of the creepiest ghost-stories since those MR James ones. I tried looking it up on ebay, all I could fucking find was a right jerk-off remake with that kid from the Harry Poofter films, with some crappy voice-over intro that the poet MacGonagal would have been proud of. A sad day, remakes deserve a turbo-cunting…

    • Actually the re-make with Daniel Ratshit is quite good. Worth a look. I saw The Woman in Black a couple of times in the West End. The first time was beyond awesome. Excited for the second go round but it was ruined by the fucking chatter and giggling of a bunch of fucking school kids. Utter bastards every last one of them.

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