Chinese tourists


Chinese tourists are total cunts.

Over the last month or two I have been working in the west end and have been exposed to these irritating short arse twats.

I never really noticed them until a couple of run ins involving queues and queuing etiquette.

The first encounter came when I was topping up my Oyster card at the underground station. For those unfamiliar with the system, you put your card on the machine reader, decide how much you want to top up with, stick your bank card in, key the code and then put the Oyster card on the reader again and its job done.

On this occasion this is not the way it went down at all.

I rock up to the machine, put my card on the reader, select £20 worth of top up and go to stick my bank card in the slot.
No sooner than my back is turned from the main screen, some little slanty eyed fuckwit slips in behind me and starts pressing the buttons, cancelling my purchase, seemingly oblivious to the concept of other peoples personal space and bank card security.

I turn and face the cunt and start the process again, this time with a look of grim determination. Just as I am about to stick in my bank card the twat does the same thing again. Now I am getting pissed off, I body barge the rice bowl out of my personal space a couple of steps backwards, slap the Oyster card on the reader, select £20, turn to put my bank card in the slot and there is a mini chink fucking about with the buttons on the card payment machine. A swift shove with my hip sees it off out of the way and I complete my purchase……..totally forgetting to get a receipt. Thats me £20 down on my expenses. Cunts!!!

The second run in came in the Barbour shop on Regent street.
I only went in to get the wife a birthday present and nearly started a full scale riot.

Having found what I wanted in the shop, I went looking for a sales girl to get it in the right size, problem is an entire coach load of chinks had already cornered her and were busily buying up pretty much everything in the shop, while sending her back and forth to check on what colours were left in the store room via a translator.

On her way into the store room I asked if she had the wife’s present in a size 10. Two minutes later she emerges with the right size and I make my way to the till to pay.
Till staff fold the garment stick it in a bag and ring up the price. Just as I go to stick my credit card in the machine, some fucking rice bowl shoves my bag out of the way, dumps about 20 items on the counter and gets between me and the card machine.
This time it isn’t a gentle body check to back the cunt off, it’s a full scale shove which sends the ignorant cunt 6 feet backwards into the rest of his party. Much howling and gnashing of teeth follows from the chink contingent as I have just shoved their grand poobah accross the floor. Furthermore, it looks like he wants a row.
Luckily for the little cunt, the security guard steps in front of me as I was about to swing for it.
I am invited to pay for the wife’s present and then kindly leave the premises….or do we have to call the police?

If you want to come to my country, please observe our love of queuing, our cherished personal space and my particular abilty to go from 0 to raging fucking psycho in about two seconds flat.

You will live longer that way you ignorant chinky fuckface cunts!

Nominated by: Odin’s Balls

The chinks are infamous around the world for their lack of respect and manners. One of my American cousins experienced something similar to your Barbour experience, although we were in Harrods at the time. That one ended with the Chink being punched in the face. No decent person walks up to a counter, when they can clearly see that someone is already being served, and demands to be served first. I’m surprised my cousin wasn’t arrested to be honest, but the Harrods staff were surprisingly sympathetic.

If the arrogant, dog eating cunts can’t behave in a civilised manner, they should fucking well stay in China. Russian tourists aren’t much better. They seem to think they’re superior to everyone else. Anyone noticed how Russian men seem to be the ugliest fuckers on the face of the Earth?

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

41 thoughts on “Chinese tourists

  1. I will take your words for it as i’ve never had any trouble with chinky tourists.

    Spot on about russian men, all got square heads dontcha know, the women are better looking but have the attitude of supermodels in a strop and I have no idea why as supermodels they definitely ain’t.

    I remember a couple of mid 40s german woman running like fuck just get in front of me and my mate nudging us backwards in a queue at BK like it would fucking matter who got served first, she must of been able to understand English though because by the time I had told my mate it was just our luck to get queue jumped by a couple of munters with fat asses they fucked off as quick as they’d turned up, low class cunts!

    • “Spot on about russian men, all got square heads dontcha know, the women are better looking” Lol what a poof you are hahaha. Are you a homosexual or are you bi-winning (bi-sexual) like charlie sheen? The fact you consider them decent looking says it all you’re a flaming poof faggot lol

      • Been to Russia four times to see United… And some of those Russian ‘ladies of the night’ are the most beautiful birds I have ever (cough!) seen… Not as nice as the Barcelona ones though… If you’re a blonde, blue eyed lad in Barca you have it made… The Catalan senoritas are obsessed with blonde lads… I have the blue eyes but the barnet is dark… Never mind… Of course this was all when I was younger and travelled the world with the Red Army… Not a word to the wife…

      • The Russians here are not well respected as they and the Turks In Germany make up a lot of the crime rate.

        They do not let people with down’s syndrome use the internet here so much either. Someone tell the imbeciles carers to keep him away from the keyboard if all he can do is write schoolyard poofter words.

      • I have no idea what the crime statistics are here for those two nationalities but anytime there’s a big heroin seizure in England there’s usually turks caught for it!

        Ps, I charge £25 per tutorial answer to the trollymong 🙂

    • There seems to be a surplus of slavs in Greece, I had the unfortunate opurtunity of having a little group of them on the bus tour we booked.
      I accept the fact that although they have spent te past two generations queing for bread and that they belive in the “free west” queing is not neccesary for such basic things, however I also know that on the busses and Metro the queing requirment still exists.
      So they were quite happy to babble amungst themselves and charge the bus for prime seats, I smiled upon there ignorance with the understanding that anyone who had any concept of etique had been liquidated some 70 years ago and that this generation was the fruit of dogged unquestioning mind fuck peasantry.
      However certain protocols exist, IE do not touch shove or push my girlfiend who walks with a noticable limp.
      Uri or whatever he was called oversteped that mark trying to push past us to get to a prime seat next to a fat arsed beluga whale.
      Things changed then, the guy in front of him blocked the isle turned round and kindly said “calm down, wait, or your going to get a smack in the mouth”
      Total shock! some Johny forgeiner English bloke had just turned round and addresed him in his mother tongue, and further more the bubble had burst on their loud “secret conversations” rather spoilt their holiday.
      as an aid to you (pronounced) piz-der is cunt in russian (polish and most slavic countries)
      in Albanian its pill (because they are a bunch of cunts who made up their own language)

  2. Totally agree these ex eastern block fuckers are ignorant, arrogant cunts. These cunts need an introduction to a baseball bat.

    • actually, they are not used to headbuts, they like to girl slap for starters.
      worth remembering when you get one in your face.

  3. The alarming thing about the chinkos is, now that they have a taste for western meats, the slitty eyed cunts are growing a head and shoulders above your average punter. Ten foot chinkos for Christ’s sake. Never go up to toin without me old umbrella. Marvellous for restoring a spot orf discipline to the yellow hordes orn the tube. Handle around the gonads, swift twist, get me drift. Also just the job to sort oit the Romanian begger cunts trying to go through your pockets. A tip up the arse is sure to concentrate minds.

  4. The bastards are always at Old Trafford and The Etihad now…. One Derby match a couple of years ago, that fat Scouse cunt, Wayne Rooney, scored and he ran to the City fans to wind them up… These Chinese imbeciles were actually cheering Rooney and shouting ‘City! City!’, until some very disgruntled blues had to tell them that City do not play in red… Tosspots… Foreign fucking tosspots…

    • I thought it was much improved today. I actually found myself warming to hitler van gaal too while watching his post match interview, he seemed to show a more human side and actually cracked a smile and had a bit of rapport with the interviewer.

      • Daley Blind lives up to his name though… He is a fucking donkey….

        More fight tonight, but that’s not saying much… As Chelsea are even shitter than we are… I know LVG is trying to do a difficult job with a shower of (mostly) shit… But what does Ryan Giggs actually do (apart from fuck his sister in law)? As far as coaching goes he is obviously no Brian Kidd…. He (Giggs) is a cunt though… Thinks he is entitled to a job because he is a member of the ‘Old Boys/Cunts Of 92 Club…’

      • Talking of the class of ’92, I’d like to cunt that gay boy bum fluff moustache of Nevellie Neville’s ( your hair is a mess) son Gary. FFS what is that about?

      • It isn’t them as players, it’s the the way they’ve milked it since and turned the 92 thing into a brand… Releasing a DVD then re-releasing the same one with an extra twenty minutes of crap as a ‘special edition?’ I expect cunts like John Bishop and Peter Kay to pull such cheap rip-offs..They also seem to think they have a divine right to have a say in United… They undermined and betrayed Moyes (although he didn’t help himself either) and they are attempting to do the same with LVG (Scholes and Neville in the media and God Knows what nastiness Giggs has been up to)… They make out they’re down with the fans, yet there they are pissing about with some oriental tycoon at Salford City (why?!) instead of speaking out against the Glazers… The only one our of them who isn’t a cunt is Nicky Butt…

      • No probs Norm, I get it now, I only needed to see ‘Glazer’s’ and I know where you’re coming from.

      • Tis a sad day indeed.

        2015 has been a bit of a cunt for seeing off some thoroughly decent people…..and also, a bunch of cunts too.

      • Funny you should say that mr bastard motorheads original name was Bastard which also featured steve peregrin took, larry wallis,and lucas fox. Then they became motorhead. I’m not a huge heavy metal fan (strange enough neither is lemmy)but ace of spades LP and lemmys time in hawkwind was pretty epic.

      • I met Speedy Keen in the early 80s, he was the producer of Motorhead Motorhead, he said that he was made deaf in one ear because none of Motorhead would relent in turning down their instruments when they thought the other ones were too loud, their mantra was just to keep on turning them up!

        Speedy Keen also wrote and sang Something in the air under the band name Thunderclap Newman which he told me Andy “Thunderclap” Newman recorded the famous piano solo in his bedroom and they edited into the song!

        Meh internet talk is cheap so believe it or leave it….

      • Interesting stuff, pagliacci.. Speedy knew Pete Townshend and Keen wrote ‘Armenia City In The Sky’ off ‘The Who Sell Out’.. ‘ Townshend played bass on ‘Something In The Air’ which was originally going to be called ‘Revolution’, but The Beatles beat them to it… Thunderclap’s 15 year old guitarist, Jimmy McCulloch, later played with McCartney in Wings and a very late Small Faces line-up…

        This video features Thunderclap on Beat Club, the original promo film and the very rare appearance on the BBC’s ‘How Late It Is…’

    • To be honest I am surprised he was still alive.

      Ozzy Osbourne must be seeing the grim reaper everywhere too…

  5. During the Ming Dynasty China was a nest of faggots. There were more sodomites than people. Jealous women used to cut the cocks off faggots.

    By the time of Tang Dynasty arse work was frowned upon, and faggots were burned like rats.

  6. Take em for a day out at that well known Chinese tourist hot spot: Morecambe bay and introduce em to the delights of cockle picking. They’ll get by without the use of an Almanac.


    • their not, there all cheap high class hooker tramps with bleach blonde hair fucking cheap ass gold diggers!

  7. I worked in China for 4 years not too long ago and still go back for a visit every year. Chinese blokes are the worse. They cannot stand to see an Anglo-Saxon male with a Chinese woman. They will make various offensive comments which, unfortunately for them, I understand. I simply smile and say “Ta xiang yao da jibar bu Shu ni de xiao” spoken as “Tar shang yow dar jeebar boo née der shao”. “She wants a big cock, not your little one”. Works every time. Then again it is handy to be 6’3 and 15 stone. I do sometimes reflect that Bruce Lee was a little cunt though…..

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