Monthly Archives: November 2015

Cunts miscellaneous

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1. Apparently Putin invited Elton John for tea and biscuits. If we’re lucky he’ll have some polonium on hand for EJ the cunt. Just read this and it’s not clear who I’m cunting. Fuck it, they both merit it.

2. Cunts who don’t indicate – when I’m walking home with a fucked-up bladder I don’t really want to play chicken – my “Just can’t wait” card versus a ton of metal driven by a potential cunt who doesn’t indicate because he can’t see any fucking cars that would benefit from it. Cunts – I hope you fucking die.

3. Smoking (NOT in a complimentary way) cunts who drop their dog-ends on the pavements when there’s a perfectly good road 2 fucking yards away – you lazy ignorant, inconsiderate, mother-fucking CUNTS.

4. Barry Scott again – I can’t fuckin believe it, RT are doubling up his fuckin adverts. Mind you I watched one of them for a new? clit bang (freudian slit) product which cleans out Ubend blockages which reminds me of a previous poster who complained about the size of his/her/its turds – this product may help them.

5. John Penrose – fuckin lyin CUNT – says AV is PR and he’s Minister for Constitutional Reform, more accurately Minister for Constitutional status quo (not the band, i don’t want you cunts going off on a tangent). Fucking lying bastard – I hope he gets invited to tea with EJ and Putin.

Fuck it – so many cunts, so little short-term memory; I’m cunted out for now..

Nominated by: Frottom

Mark Ronson

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Why the fuck has Mark Ronson not been cunted before?

This rich privileged talentless fucker has a stranglehold on the music biz simply because he can pull off a half decent cover. Fuck me , the words original, talented, creative or even ‘can write a basic tune with three chords’ will never ever be applied to this rich cunt.

On the other hand he could pull off a very good wedding band playing everyones favourites. CUNT.

Nominated by: Vermin Cunt Spotter

Darts scorers

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Cunts who “can’t chalk” a game of darts in a pub really piss me off.

It’s not that they have an allergy to chalk, they’re just too fucking lazy or ignorant to do some really basic arithmetic – you know, add up 3 1 or 2-digit numbers in your head and subtract the total from another number thats already in front of you. It’s hardly fucking rocket science, although if they buy a drink and get the wrong change they immediately turn into mathematical geniuses.

They see a game on and in true Yosser Hughes fashion think “I can do that – gizza game”.

Have they got their own darts – have they fuck, they’ll “borrow yours”, like fuck they will.

And when you go out of your way to accommodate them, e.g. sort them out a set of pub darts and say that you’ll tell them the scores and remainders to write down, they bounce around by the chalking board like fucking Zebedee or a nodding donkey or yammering in your fucking ear when you’re throwing.

I’m not a fucking social worker; I don’t go to the pub to teach remedial arithmetic or darting etiquette. It’s got to the point where I just fuck off to another pub and they can have the board to themselves.

Nominated by: Frottom

Sufragette

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Anne-Marie Duff (Violet) and Carey Mulligan (Maud) in SUFFRAGETTE

That’s all we’ve had on telly for weeks now. “Suffragette” this and “Suffragette” fucking that, endless free-cinema-ticket-grabbing poncey critics fawning and raving about it, that and Daniel “Mega Cunt” Craig’s latest emasculated, warmed up leftovers Bond borefest which finally lurched drunkenly into theatres.

“Ooooh! Look how troubled and gloomy he looks, how intelligent and progressive this film is”. Yawn.

Thankfully Mrs B has expressed absolutely no interest in going to see Suffragette, maybe there is a God after all. There is however a disquieting rumour of a Downton Abbey movie (shudder!)…..

Nominated by: Mr Bastard