Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Scottish Affairs Correspondent Ron Knee reporting. The nation has been shaken to its core to learn that the SNP’s power-sharing arrangement with the Scottish Greens has come to an end at Holyrood. I’m joined now by Lorna Slater, co-leader of the Scottish Greens, to get her view on things”
“Aye, an’ och aye th’ noo. Ah’ve allus said et, yae cannae trust thet cowardly wee cunt Humza Youseless as feir as yae coud throw ’em. Ra basturd’s dumped ra key climate change turgetts whit wuz agreed, an’ noo he’s dumped uz en oor erses. He’s chibbed Scortlund en ra erse”
“Er, hang on, why are you talking like that? You’re Canadian”
“Yer erse. Ah’m ah troo Scort, ken, mair then thet feckin’ tawser Youseless’ll ever be. Ra SNP’s feckin’ cooards, so they are. Ra traiturrs huv sold oot tae ra maist reactionary forces en ra cuntry”
“Oh come on. Everybody and his dog knows that these ‘climate targets’ were never remotely achieveable. They were totally unrealistic”
“Aye, wull, en ra Greens, we’s visionaries; we dinnae deal en realism”
“Clearly. Just for the record, who are these ‘most reactionary forces’ that you just referred to?”
“Et’s all them cunts whit drive ah car, and heat thair hames an’ cook food, an’ gae orn holidays awn planes an’ awfae stuff like thet”
“What, the Scottish people you mean?”
“Aye, them dim feckers whit dinnae ken whit’s guid fae ’em, an’ need uz tae tell ’em. An’ come tae thet, wha’ th’ feck ah youse deein’ travellin’ app here anyways, destroyin’ ra planet’s resources en ra process? *drops nut hard on interviewer* Feckin’ stitch thet, yer climate denyin’ ersehole”
“Oh Jesus, you’ve broken my nose. Somebody call an ambulance. This is Ron Knee, bleeding badly for IsAC, returning you to the studio”
Nominated by Ron Knee
