Toilets


Public toilets are almost non existent these day, especially out in the sticks. And even when you do find some you dare not to dwell inside for being attacked by some druggy or shirt lifter. Plus the state of some of those toilets are a fucking disgrace!

But then again the same can be said for bogs in pubs & cheap restaurants. I am convinced some patrons have no idea of how to use the fucking things, so instead they just piss/shit anywhere other than down the toilet bowl itself. And if you end up using a unisex bog don’t be surprised to find used jamrags on the toilet seat or blocking the toilet to the point of it overflowing with piss, shit and lots of blood!

But do these cunts care about trying to clean up after their mess? Of course not: always someone else’s problem.

And even when you do find a usable pub bog you always get some cunt banging on the door wanting you to hurry up; while you are distinctly aware that you want to lay some cable and purge some loud farts along the way!

Or you get the cunt in the next cubicle who chooses to have a conversation on his phone while taking a dump. I mean what kind of desperate cunt would do that?

Better off taking a piss up a dark alley: I shit you not!

Nominated by Technocunt

 

58 thoughts on “Toilets

    • Enjoyed the toilet scene in ‘Get Carter’ (a classic film in it’s own right) where Michael Caine deals with the hoodlum in the Newcastle nightclub

      • Ah, Get Carter.One of the greatest opening scenes ever!

        Michael Caine was well ‘ard in the original, and the gritty Newcastle scenery just added to the overall brilliance of the film.

        I think Sylvester Stallone did a reboot in 2000 and it was absolutely shite.

        • Could look at it every day, encapsulates those times perfectly, the old housing being bulldozed to make way for new development, the cars, the birds, working class pursuits, the working environment along the Tyne, gritty but with a sense of humour the perfect film

          • Am just flicking through it now, and I really do love the opening scenes on the train and the Indian soundtrack; and as for the ending…. never saw that coming!

      • Still there . My best mates dad Tony Smith destroyed all the furniture in a fight Just about the time you were there. Had to replace it all. Singer sowing machine bases with a bit of wood on top. He used to take us to the Jolly Gardeners around the corner for a half of fullers aged 12. Happy days.

        • I remember the tables also had shove ha’penny boards.
          Usually started a pub crawl there and wandered off to the Duke and then ending up in the Half Moon.
          As you say “happy days”.

  1. A nice bit of timing by the admins – just as I was about to dig into my bacon and egg sarnie for brekkie.

    Gone right off it now, can’t imagine why!

  2. Public toilets are a nightmare. Breeding grounds for germs, pervérts, quéers, môngs, junkies, and cunts. I’ve cunted ‘gender-neutral’ toilets on here as well as those negró toilet attendants that try to hand you a serviette or spray you with after shave while you’re attempting to drain the serpent.

    Perverts are the worst. As the old adage goes – If you belong in this toilet: 🚹 but you follow my girlfriend/mother/daughter into this toilet:🚺, you’re going to need this toilet:♿

  3. Who needs toilets. Go to most “peaceful” areas or where we have a large conclave of the less civilised parts of eastern Europe & every back alley, phone box & doorway is a public shitter. Look at “refooooojeeeezzz welcome “sanctuary city’ or is that Sunk-tuary Shitty, Los Angeles, cholera, typhus, TB, coming to a shithole near you. And don’t get me started on the fucking cunt SPITTERS. BASTARDS!!!

    • Yeah no public toilets anymore,
      Once saw a bloke washing his hair in a sink in public toilets!
      I prefer pissing outdoors anyway,
      Air gently caressing my balls,
      Piss on the local mosque etc
      Alfrescos where its at lads.
      Get into the great outdoors, expose yourself and piss on something,
      Karl marx graves one earmarked.

  4. Any one here know the Spanish for “wheres the light switch?” I know “por favor toilet?”

    well I was going across the Pyrenees mountains and stopped at a cafe, used my basic Spanish and was pointed to a door which turned out to be a smelly dark boxroom with no illumination (or ventilation for that matter).
    I ended up weeing in the direction I expected the toilet to be in, hearing no splash I started to rotate until I heard the relaxing sound of water on water finished up and left.
    I have never returned to the Pyrenees and I apologise to the next user of the toilet and anyone who did find the light switch.

  5. I have been in some extreme public toilets in the Greek islands, Heraklion bus station bog still gives me nightmares.

    Public toilets in the UK are fine, it’s the dirty fucking cunts who use them that are the problem.

    St Greta is probably an expert on extreme shitting, ‘all I need is a bucket’

    I am sure everyone will be pleased to know she is on her way back to Europe, hitched a lift on a sail boat heading to Portugal to tell everybody how angry she is because she should be in School.

    CUNT!

    • St Greta is full of shit – in fact she probably has a plastic hose pipe shoved up her arsehole at one end, and the other end shoved into her gob – perfect recycling!

  6. Nothing beats having a shit, trying to ignore the blood tinged bogies stuck to the wall, or a tasteful shite stripe daubed by some budding Bobby Sands tribute artist. Nothing makes me want to eradicate humanity more than having to share a toilet with the cunts.
    When I was working with the housing services of the local council, one of the support workers had a photo on the wall behind her desk, of a toilet in one of the council properties, and it made the one in the header photo look clean. It had been shat in til it was full, then the dirty cunt had carried on, so said crap had run down the sides, and all over the floor. I never went into the flat, but just going into the block made you retch, as the stench of human shit was unbearable. How the other residents didn’t burn the cunt out was beyond me. This guy was obviously mental and should have been sectioned, but was left to rot instead. Blairs Britain.

  7. I’m sure I read a few years ago of a university putting up signs in their bathrooms urging students not to stand on the seat and squat as is common in some Asian and African countries used to hole in the ground squat toilets. The only surprise was they didn’t make every other cunt follow their example for fear of offending their cultural practices. Sitting down to pinch one off? The savages.

    • “Ooga-dooga. What dis button? What dis handle? Where me pour water to make turd go? I need turd go so I can wash face in bowl. Ooga-dooga.”

      • Anybody on here tried one of those Japanese bogs? Hate to think how their old folk go on when they’ve got arthritis and they have to try and squat over it.

        • Actually I have been to Tokyo, and the toilets in their hotels are incredibly good and clean. Can’t say much for hotels in the sticks though

          • The squatting ones are alright as you avoid touching any toilet seat. The worst problem (in Korea, Japan, and China) is the lack of soap.

          • Swiss public toilets, especially in railway stations, are amazing. Costs 2 Fr. to get through the turnstile (turdstile ?), but beautifully clean; they have a permanent cleaning crew.
            No embarrassing moments trying to get into what you thought was an empty cubicle – red and green lights on each one.
            Great cuntry, Switzerland…

  8. As I passed a beggar sitting in the street he said “Can you spare some change..?”

    I said, “I haven’t got any change.”

    He said, “Well, how about a note then.?”

    So I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote “I haven’t got any change” and gave him that…..

    • Hahaha fuckn great JR. Never heard that one. Needless to say you didn’t get it off the Michael Wankintyre Show, Live At The Apollo or indeed anything else on British TV since the 1980s

  9. I did have the misfortune of entering a gents’ public bog just outside New Street station in Birmingham years ago. To my surprise I saw a Parking Stanley woman taking a dump in the urinals. She was squatting with all her parking stanley garb rolled up round her waist while she got on with it!

    Before quickly leaving I noticed the 4 shit houses were fully occupied, and once outside I noticed the women’s bogs were locked up. So in her need she decided to take a shit in the mens!

    Then you go into some pub bog cubicles only to find a glory hole drilled in the partition wall into the next cubicle, and white/yellow crusted slime hanging down from it.

    Gone are the days when you could just sit on the bog with the paper and get on with in relative safety and clean surroundings.

  10. Went to one in Latvia that literally made me gag.
    But its true, public toilets have gone right down the shitter in recent times.

  11. Oh the horror!
    I’m still haunted by some Moroccan toilets I had to use in 1992.
    Moroccan types had of course ruined it before me,which really spoilt my day.Plus I suspect elements of The Gayness were mooching about in their Star Wars outfits with hoods up.
    Never been back.
    The filthy cunts.

  12. A couple of months ago I posted a nom on how filthy San Francisco was with some pavements literally covered in shit courtesy of the thousands of scumbags and crackheads who live there. It reached such a stage that places like Starbucks opened their toilets to the “homeless” as the public shitters are euphemistically referred to.

    I used to go the main public library which was surrounded by human filth, eating and crapping, and clouds of flies. Once I went to the bog and was confronted by a crazed junkie staring at the mirror who looked as if he was gouging his glazed eyes out. I exited immediately but returned a couple of hours later and – sure enough – he was still there, tongue lolling over his chin still trying to find whatever he was looking for inside his eyelids.

    Despite the heavy security – fat cops and Flabbot-sized copesses loaded down with guns, radios, tazers, batons etc – none of them did anything to keep these people out.

  13. There is not much that is worse than a minging, vomit-inducing public toilet.

    I can never fathom why people have an issue keeping their wee and poo under control when they use these things. I have been in so many bogs (mostly in shopping centres or department stores) that have poo splattered around them, wee on the bog seat (in a bloody LADIES toilet!!) and so much bog roll jammed in the fucker that it is blocked and overflowing.

    I mean, what the actual fuck-a-doodle-doo?? Dirty bitches.

    I visit the Canary Islands twice a year and like many European countries, they have this thing of using bins to put their used bog roll in, rather than flushing it.

    PUKE.

    How unsanitary is it to be airing and sharing shitty bog roll for all to get a sight or sniff of? Most of these bins are open too and don’t have a lid to them. I find it gross. I understand that this is due to the crappy sewage systems they have that cannot cope with the very surprising fact that people need to use bog roll to clean their arses and flush it, but still……

    PUKE.

  14. In my home town four public toilets have either been left to rack and ruin or demolished to provide more parking spaces. This cunting bought back happy memories of throwing smoke bombs into one particular toilet to see how many persons we could flush out. In this bog five cubicles = 5 men, our record one warm August evening 27 coughing spluttering holding up their pants and two naked no less, how we laughed at our jolly jape. Sometimes we would enter the bogs and all would be quiet we would then proceed to launch a few blown lightbulbs over the trap doors the screams, shouts and abuse was gratifying to hear as the amount of noise indicated that more than one person was enthroned within so to speak. Time for smoke bomb. The elderly attendant used to put a hose under the door if he thought pervery was going on. Two of the now defunct cottages were out of bounds as they were the meeting place of the local perv and paedo groups no one in their right mind would go near those bogs. A friend of mine tried to burn one of them down but he failed and by all accounts only being very fleet of foot saved him from being desert at a pervs party. Happy days long gone.

  15. What exactly is going on in the mind of an individual who attempts to write / draw on the wall / door of the cubicle using their fingers smeared with excrement?
    You know who you are you filthy fucking shitty bastards!

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