Friends of mine recently went on safari. It is not so much them going which annoys me, after all, I didn’t even know they had gone, but how they acted when they came back.

If I went to the zoo I would say I had seen some mad bears, some sad elephants and some depressed rhinos or something. If you have been on fucking safari though, you come back saying that you saw elephant, giraffe and lion.

Y’all know The Queen’s is not my mother tongue, but I am fucking sure the plural of lion is lions. Not if you have been on safari it isn’t. It is necessary to let people know you have been on safari by referring to all the animals in the singular even if there were fucking big herds of the cunts.

People say “Lions are big cats” and they are right. That is exactly what they are. You would not catch me flying all the way to Nigeria and paying a fortune to sleep rough and look at large cats. Lion? Fuck off.

I am still not entirely convinced that the plural of sheep isn’t sheeps.

Safaris are for cunts.

Nominated by: Sterculian Rhetoric