Twatman and Robin’

osborne fox

Bugger me, now we start to see the true cut orf the jib orf the first outright Tory majority government for twenty three years. True blue at last? All I see is a red mist rising. Democracy? Under Cameron and Osborne we have a job share dictatorship. There is no cabinet government, just a secret stitch-up by two silver spoon lower ranks cunts. Duncan Smith’s frenzied self abuse during the announcement orf the Minimum Wage by Osborne was evidently a genuine reaction because it was news to him and the rest orf the Government tossers. Shot Labour’s prize fox with that move no doubt but I have absolutely no intention orf paying the inbred deviants that toil upon my a land a ha’penny more. Would destroy at a stroke a delicate rural economy that has relied for generations upon dependency and exploitation.

Inland Revenue given the strongest powers in the Western World to go and directly plunder the bank accounts orf honest hard working punters whom they allege owe a spot orf back tax. Despite massive trails that they would scupper this, the cunts have unleashed the overpaid blood suckers orf the bastard BBC. Any poor old bugger omitting to pay the draconian licence fee for the 24 hour unmitigated shite that passes for alleged programming these days will be committing a criminal offence and clapped up in the chokey at a time when prison suicides and assaults have reached an all time high due to tight arse Osborne’s cutbacks. Must declare me interest here, have never paid this despicable tax upon the culture orf the nation and at my age this has been legal for a good few years.

Once again the shite arsed SNP have proved to be first rate cunts representing a third rate race and shot me fucking fox. Cameron had been forced by his rural constituency to introduce a dodge whereby hunting returns to the countryside (not that it ever really left you bleeding heart liberal cunts) only for the Quisling cunt to lose his bottle in double quick time and withdraw the bill amendment in the face orf the SNP threatening to vote against the proposition which applied to England only. “English Votes for English Laws!” There’s more prospect of yours truly shagging Prince Charlie’s missus that that ever happening.

For the avoidance orf doubt let me state that your humble servant does not ride to hounds. Me old arse is now grown too heavy in the saddle and what with me haemorrhoids….takes a younger man.
Make no qualms about the sport. Spot orf bloodlust and savagery has been an Englishman’s birth right for many generations. Pleasure to watch a pair orf well trained hounds in action. Once the terrier men have flushed oit old Reynard, lead hound will nip in and grab his nose while number two takes a good old grip orf his bollocks. Then they do their best to pull foxy apart while some orf the older dogs come in and rip oit his guts. Don’t ‘alf steam on a cold and frosty morning. Blood spattered all over and old Reynard still making a game orf it. Old Reynard does himself no favours screaming away, only gets the dogs blood up. In come the terrier men and despatch him with a few whacks orf their shovels while the dogs finish pulling him apart. Then I like to get in and cut oit his liver before any other bugger gets to it.

Foxes liver? Highly prized in our circles. Dried and powdered down makes a profoundly effective laxative. Many is the cunt that has wandered in to our parts and been offered an extra topping orn his pizza in the pub. Half the village will look on waiting for the outsider cunt to erupt in a monstrous Vesuvius orf shite. Who would deny us our simple country pleasures?

Also you bleeding heart liberal cunts fail to appreciate the social function orf the occasion. The terrier men would be doing life in Strangeways if it were not for the distraction and gainful employ afforded by the hunt.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

17 thoughts on “Twatman and Robin’

  1. Not to sound tasteless or disrespectful, but I’d have given Lady Di one like a shot….

    Agree with all of the above, Sir… Thing is now there is no real opposition, no authentic protest… A ‘protest’ these days is a moan on Twitter or a pointless ‘online petition…’
    At least in Heath and then Maggie’s time people fought back (or tried to)… People can whine on on blogs about how bad this government is, but they won’t get off their arses and march on Whitehall… They see a hashtag and signing some online thing as doing their bit… Quite sickening really… There is also, sadly, an ‘I’m alright, Jack’ mentality amongst the British today… Ask someone about the elderly getting treated like piss or about the disabled getting Dickensian treatment it’s more than likely: ‘Doesn’t affect me. I’m alright…’ Which is pretty despicable…. If Hitler was around now and Nazi Germany invaded Britain today, Cameron would put out a red carpet for The Fuhrer (like he does with Merkel!), people would be crying on social media and doing ‘Hitler Out’ Facebook pages, while other dickheads would be filming ME109s and Doodlebugs on their iPhones (and then plastering them all over Twitter like attention seeking cunts!)…

    ‘There’s an air raid on!’ ‘Sssssh! We’ll go to the shelter after X-Factor’s finished!’

  2. Liberal and hypocritical knobends who pretend to be bothered about fox hunting and animals in general are cunts too… I myself can’t say ‘Ban fox hunting’ or ‘Don’t wear fur’ when I had sausages, black pudding and eggs for breakfast and I’m wearing suede Adidas trainers… Half the cunts who bleat about fox hunting will be in McDonald’s five minutes later… Somebody once said they didn’t eat lamb because lambs are so fluffy and cute… But she (a woman, naturally) had no problem with fish, eggs, beef, pork, turkey and chickens… ‘I don’t wear animal tested makeup, but I love a Big Mac?’ What a load of bollocks….

    And those who do fully stick to the animal rights thing (and vegans) are usually the most fanatical up themselves, po-faced cunts in the world, who think more of animals than they do human beings… I love that bit in Saxondale when Tommy shoots that mouthy animal rights twat….

    • I think more of animals than humans because humans should no better than to do some of the things they do. We’re supposed to be intelligent FFS! Animals are just dumb beasts – apparently…

      • I like animals more than people. If you’re good to an animal, it’ll love you. If you’re good to a person, they’ll very likely kick you up the arse for it. Give me animals every time. Most people are cunts.

        • If you love someone, set them free.

          If you hate someone, set them free.

          Basically, set everyone free and get a dog.

          People are stupid.

  3. Humans are the biggest monsters on the planet, no argument…. But cunts like Morrissey and Chrissie Hynde who would put animals above everyone (except themselves, of course) take the piss… These fanatics who would rather prevent finding a cure for cancer by not testing on animals are bastards… Morrissey would probably leave a kid in a blazing building and go and rescue what was in the chicken house…

    • Morrissey is a clueless dumb cunt who worships PETA whos track record is pretty fucking shady to say the least. To begin with the fact that they endorse celebrities who wear shit loads of fur all the while telling people don’t kill animals or eat them. You know just eat salad and nuts for the rest of your bloody fucking life and that Ingrid Newkirk is a real fucking cunt I’d like to slap the shit out that ugly slag cunt she’s responsible for this whole mess. Also PETA has killed 78% of the animals they rescued in 2013 btw there is no money rescuing animals zip zero none hence why they kill so many. Morrissey just die you has been cunt or at least realize your a dumb stuck up douchebag who can’t write a decent song anymore . Well I’m off to eat some hailal bacon

  4. I like foxes, but if I were a farmer and foxes tried to nick my chickens from the hen-house and take my pigs’ little piggies from the sty or worry my sheep in the lambing season, then I would find and shoot dead the foxy fuckers with my shotgun. Or give the nearest fox and hound sporting group my permission to hunt and kill the foxy fuckers on my land.

    As for urban foxes, if they scavenge and leave a mess on my property or worry my pet pussy cats, I reserve the right to chuck bricks at the fuckers if I caught them doing such things.

    As for the current pathetic fox hunting laws, if I were a government civil servant wanting to bring back fox hunting, I would put out scaremongering stories in the media about about the dangers of urban fox excrement, fox fleas and foxes attacking human babies or toddlers. “My darling little child stepped on some diseased fox droppings left on the council estate grass verge, and the government should do something about it”. “Why don’t they allow fox hunting to protect my children?”

      • I love those cuddly little lambikins. They’re so cute and they taste great with roast tatties and a dollop of mint sauce…

      • Do Foxes eat Cats? Or more rather can they be trained to like feline meat?

        I’m fucking fed of the neighbours cats shitting on the front street (in the piles of gravel that council workers can’t be arsed to sweep up no less) so that I can’t have the windows open in the front of the house, because on a hot day the cat shit stinks.

        And I can’t sit in the back garden because the little cunts have tag team shitting contests in my herbaceous borders, which also smell ripe on a hot day.

        I’m not allowed to poison them, or take them over to Derbyshire. Old Reynard and family like the bins but there can’t be much sustenance in them, maybe I could just fillet a few kitties and give him a taste for them….

    • I’m fucking fed up with farmer cunts bleating “oooohhhh the fox ate my chickens”. Do you leave your front door open? Put a fence up you prick. And if they are a problem then I’m not sure the most efficient way of dealing with it is dressing up like a toy soldier and chasing the poor cunt for miles. You inbred fucking cunts.

  5. Good cunting Sir Limply. Well played sir.

    While on the subject of cunts like Cameron and Gideon, I’m going to nominate MP’s. IPSA, the supposedly independent body that is responsible for making sure that MP’s don’t get caught with thieving from the taxpayer, have recommended that MP’s get a pay rise. Of 10%. I’ll say that last part again TEN…FUCKING…PERCENT. And they wonder why they’re fucking despised. Who the fuck do they think they are, tube train drivers?

    Most of these money grabbing have gleefully accepted their ludicrously unjustified pay rise. Some of them have actually complained that a rise that will see their pay rise from £67,000 to £74,000, is not enough. One Tory, whose name I’ve forgotten, insists that MP’s are grossly underpaid and should be taking home £104,000. A small number of them, including Nicky Morgan, have announced that they will accept the rise, but donate the 10% to charity. So at least a handful are trying to do something with it..

    My biggest issue with this pay rise, is the size of it. Ten percent is a fucking enormous amount of money to give someone as a pay rise. I wouldn’t mind if it were given to people who actually deserve it, firefighters, paramedics, nurses, military personnel, etc. Unfortunately, public service workers, have had their pay rises capped at ONE percent. As far as I’m concerned, MP’s are not essential to the everyday running of peoples lives. Nobody will die, nobody’s life will be at risk if we didn’t have MP’s. The country would not grind to a halt, our island would not be at risk of invasion.

    As far as I can tell, our MP’s are a bunch of twats, who only in parliament because they would be completely shite in a real job. The spend most of their “working” week sat in a centuries old room pulling faces, shouting, and making childish noises and gestures at the MP’s on the opposite benches. Fuck me, you could teach a monkey to do that. So why do these ignorant, arrogant, immature, thieving arsewipes think they deserve a salary of £74,000? It’s an obscene amount to pay the likes of them.

    I don’t normally support strikes. But the next time firefighters, nurses, or paramedics walk out in dispute over pay, I will be firmly behind them. It’s just a shame that military personnel can’t strike. There really would be chaos then.

    • Interesting points QDM. Made in the same week that tossbag Sterling signs with Abu Dhabi City to pay footie for 200k a week. We have a minimum wage, why not a maximum wage? 100% tax above a certain limit.

      The usual cunts will bleat about supply-and-demand and attracting world class talent. Considering the mess the place is in, I’d be quite happy if the “top 1%” or “masters of the universe” or whatever else these inbred fucktards call themselves fucked off to Hong Kong. But I’d put in capital controls to stop them taking their ill-gotten gains out of the country.

      Yes, Dioclese, I’m a raving Commie.

      • You know I might jolly well start taking up me peerage in the House orf Lords again – £300 smackeroos per day just for turning up then piss orf to me club, any number orf special allowances that date back to Magna Carta plus £45 grand pa for life’s little necessities, very nice.

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