Uh-huh, `The King` himself.

In January, 1956, Elvis Presley sang …

♪♫ Well, since my baby left me
Well, I found a new place to dwell
Well, it’s down at the end of Lonely Street
At Heartbreak Hotel ♫♪ …

That`s just around the corner from Despair Drive, between Anguish Avenue and Grief Grove.

Utter shite.

Never liked the greasy twat with his Southern drawl and bewilderingly black hair dripping with lard.

And as for his sartorially elegant taste in the aesthetics of interior decoration in that massive fucking `house` Swampland – don`t get me started.

If he was still around today I would venture he`d probably look like this …

open art

So, don those crepe-soled blue suede shoes, cunters and get those suspicious minds working.

Thankyouverymuch.

Sam Beau has left the cunting.

alamy

Nominated by Sam Beau.

Well there’s good news of sorts, and there’s er, uncertain news.

After years of war and genocide, the blood-soaked reign of Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad has ended, with his regime suddenly collapsing like the proverbial pack of cards. The erstwhile ‘Butcher of Damascus’ has, it appears, folded his tent and fled to the sheltering bosom of his long-term backer ‘Mad Bad Vlad’ Putin, no doubt taking along a shed load of swag with him.

I suppose that the downfall of any cunt like Assad is good news in itself, but this is tempered by the fact that so far at least, he’s managed to dodge being strung up from a lamp post.

And this brings me to the uncertainty part. Assad’s fall is bound to create a power vacuum the size of a black hole in an area already beset by war, terrorism and chaos. The vultures are no doubt ready to circle. What will be the next move on the part of a humiliated Putin? The Yanks apparently have ‘special forces’ on the ground in the country, and fearing another ISIS relaunch, have started lobbing missiles at the ‘rebels’ who’ve taken over. I’m no expert on the subject, but I’d bet that it won’t be long before factionalism and in-fighting start to occur where the ‘liberation’ forces are concerned. At the same time, Turkey, Iran and Israel will no doubt be readying themselves to join the party. Meanwhile, as more trouble develops, we can look forward to more hoards packing up and heading our way.

The Middle East. What a festering sack of shit

Mirror

Nominated by Ron Knee.

LA County Jail, you can pay for an upgrade! C.A.

Tourist tax is something I’m familiar with, as Greece and Spain have been levying it for years, no doubt other countries as well, but these are ones I most visited in my younger years.

I’ve noticed, with some disquiet, that this practice seems to have infected the UK.

The most recent place to talk of introducing a tourist tax is Wales.
Now, I ask you, would YOU pay to stay?

There’s lovely!

CNtraveller

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

Roses are cunts.

Alerted by the sage advice of children’s entertainer and end of the pier star. Paul Chuckle, this year, I acted decisively to reject the new Quality Street with their shit eco-friendly wrappers and preponderance of cheap toffees and strawberry creams. Instead, I thought i would try a drum of Cadbury’s Roses. They were my Nan’s chocolate of choice, wrapped in pretty coloured foil, they were an ideal accompaniment to ‘Sale of the Century’ or a game of Newmarket.

Unfortunately, they are now even more shit than Quality Street. New eco-friendly wrappers, and almost all the chocolates tasting the same – waxy chocolate covered caramel flavoured goo – the selection includes:
Golden Barrel (caramel flavoured goo)
Hazel in Caramel (hazel nut coated in caramel goo)
Caramel – (Caramel goo)
Cuntry Fudge (suspiciously similar to caramel goo)

All the best centres are missing:

No Turkish Delight
No Peppermint Cream
No Vanilla Nougat

Fucking horrible. What is it with this country and fucking up well loved Christmas sweets?

And it is not just Roses, this scandal runs very deep indeed…

gazette

PS Where have all the selection boxes gone?

Nominated by Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea.

The “boomerang smell”

Ann Russell, pronouns she/her helpfully provided by her/them, gives us an explanation of what the boomerang smell is.

tiktok

So, all that advertising about scent boosters, best performing washing tabs ever, long lasting freshness up to 14 days was all a load of shite, then?

If only we knew, that no matter what we washed our clothes in, with or for how long and at what temperature, it was all futile, because of the boomerang effect.

So, essentially, you’re saying you’re product is shite, use our new one instead?

Just how stupid do you think we are.
Along with Bud Lite/Dylan Mulvany, Jaguar/bunch of weirdos, I think you’ve just shot yourself in the crotch!

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.