Last night I was at my friend Big Al’s house when his daughter turned up.

She brought with her a plastic carton bearing the legend ‘Pot Noodle’, containing an assortment of dried items including noodles (obviously) and vegetables, which are re-constituted by the simple expedient of adding boiling water and stirring.

I must admit that my stomach turned when I viewed the contents of the pot, which to my mind had the appearance, not to mention the smell, of pigswill. In spite of Big Al’s remonstrations to the effect that said product, while seemingly innocuous, contained a large amount of unhealthy fat, salt and ‘flavour enhancing’ E-numbers, his protest fell on deaf ears, and was consumed with relish.

Apparently 240 pots of this slop are consumed in Britain EVERY MINUTE. Add to that all the ‘convenience’ junk food churned out by the likes of McDonalds and KFC and necked by the ton every year.

Then have a look at all the grossly obese lardbuckets waddling around, that’s when they’re not crushing the life out a mobility scooter because they can barely walk at all.

They say that you are what you eat. That, my friends, is very, painfully apparent.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

 
are cunts.

Hi all, I would love to cunt foreigners who go to other foreigners countries and moan about the country that they are visiting, I have travelled to Italy on numerous occasions, i love Italy for it’s food , history and culture, however, I have spent the last week in Rome and all other nationalities are content with visiting Rome, apart from guess who?

The fucking Americans, they have moaned about the food, the weather, the transport, the fact it’s not hot, bearing in mind it’s late December, and shops not taking dollars, ffs Rome is over 3000 years old, and I have been to Sicily in august and have the same situation, when tourists come to London they put up and shut up, Americans should never leave their own country.

Nominated by Sidthesexistsforeskin.

These cunts want to ramp up the licence fee by almost 10% (or £15) from the current £159 to £173 per annum next April.

The government, and in particular Culture Secretary, Lucy Frazer, has responded by an almost-but-not-quite “fuck off you greedy cunts!”

The BBC defends the rise after the fee was frozen for two years due to the pandemic, energy and cost-of-living crisis. But Frazer said that people are still struggling to feed and heat themselves without the added problem of paying more for the licence fee.

There was a drop of over 400,000 licence renewals last year, most of these were legitimate, although the BBC/Craptia did pursue over 1000 weekly cases of licence evasion.

The government also suggested that people have far more choices now, especially with catch-up and recorded streaming (neither of which need a licence unless watched via Iplayer).

The BBC’s Royal Charter ends in 2027 and the licence fee may be replaced with a more modern alternative, including subscription, or an additional tax added to the Council Tax, Income tax and benefit payments.

The BBC replied by saying it is looking to save money and offer value for money in these changing/challenging times.

Yeah, well we all know where they can start with their savings … don’t renew the contracts of their so-called superstars like Lineker and news-readers for a start (don’t sack them or make them redundant otherwise they’ll get a massive pay off)

Sky news

Nominated by Technocunt.

Dancing is a cunt. (Or “Dance” as it is called by the posers.)

Of all the pointless pastimes some people waste time and effort upon, dancing must be near the top of the list. What a load of old wank, what an exercise in futility! It gets exposure on the BBC out of all proportion to its interest to the licence payer, but then it’s hardly unique in that respect.

All normal people are left cold by the antics of the performers on “Strictly Come Dancing” throwing themselves about as if they’re having a fucking seizure or they’ve just got across two phases on the mains, but I get a strong impression that the BBC feel it’s somehow good for our souls to see such shit.

Shouldn’t be surprised I guess as they seem to think their shit-order soaps are high art. One area I find particularly unsettling is the young, sometimes very young girls who are sent to ballet lessons.

The people who teach them seem dangerously similar characters to the various sports coaches that I always taught our kids to avoid.

Eric Juneau Books

Nominated by: arfurbrain

A Czech national ( so that’s his real name?)

Originally entered the UK legitimately, as we were in the EU, but almost immediately started to commit crimes. After his first custodial, he was deported.

He came back, using false documents, and not by dinghy of the back of a lorry, but on a scheduled flight!

Rinse and repeat. He is now in prison again and will be deported for the 5th time. His defence lawyer referred to his multiple crimes as “low key offences”, well she would, wouldn’t she, and that he is a father and grandfather to multiple brats, which is why he keeps coming back to the UK.

Well, how’s about next time he’s on the plane home, he’s accompanied by his extended family?

Go on, fuck off, we’ve enough criminals here already, thank you.

Lancashire Telegraph

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest