(Yes, this was intentionally scheduled in time for brekkie, hahaha! – Day Admin)

Ah, those simple pleasures in life; a succulent steak, a good sleep, a fine wine, a leisurely piss, a vigorous, deeply satisfying shag. And let’s not forget that daily commune with nature, involving a comfortable, rewarding sit in the bathroom with a companiable novel for company.

Except that for the last few days, my daily commune has been anything but comfortable or rewarding, due to a bad case of the lincoln log. Indeed, my bathroom visits became increasingly stressful as I struggled for relief; even when I did manage to squeeze out a portion it was like shitting out a lump of coal. It’s bloody miserable and no mistake when you feel that you need the assistance of a stick or a chisel to accomplish your aim.

Luckily release finally came due to the good offices of our GP, who prescribed something called ‘Ispaghula Husk’, a natural remedy prepared in the form of powder which is taken in water.

Oh, the sheer bliss when after two or three of these drinks, normal service began to be resumed. Talk about a load of my mind. I’ll be keeping this magical remedy in
hand in future to make sure that I won’t be faecally challenged again any time soon.

Constipation is a real cunt. Take my advice cunters, don’t let it get you in its grip.

NHS

Nominated by: Ron Knee

Hands up all those Cunters who thought Woke was a form of derangement unique to the Anglophone world. Not so, and here’s the Spanish Government of Pedro Sánchez to prove otherwise.

In the interests of eliminating inequality between the sexes, amoeba-brained lefty Pedro has given female soldiers better terms and conditions than their male counterparts, thereby cementing inequality into law. Brilliant. Furthermore, anyone aged 16 or over can now change sex without medical or psychological assessment in Spain. All very right-on and progressive. Jacinda and Justin must be glowing with admiration.

But as always, up pops the Real World to mess with the Wacky World of Woke. Step forward Corporal Roberto Perdigones of the Spanish Army (be fair Cunters, at least he’s not an Austrian Corporal). Along with 40 male colleagues, the Corporal now claims he’s a bit of skirt and as a result has bagged himself a higher salary, a better pension and a single room with en suite. No mixing with the hoi polloi for Senorita Roberto. You will be unsurprised to know, however, that this remarkable change of a Y chromosome into an X involved no surgical intervention. The bearded Roberto has simply grown his hair longer, wears earrings and calls himself a lesbian.

To me this is reminiscent of the Empress Krankie’s brilliant gender self-ID law which led to false transitioning by serial rapists so they would be imprisoned with hundreds of women. What could possibly go wrong with that? It is truly amazing how an outcome blindingly predictable to anyone with a functioning brain cell and a vague acquaintance with human nature could be unforeseen by ‘progressive’ left-wing imbeciles. Or is it just a case of ideology trumps common sense?

Anyway, hats off to the Corporal for taking the piss and showing up his own Government for the joke it has become. You’ve got to admit it – he’s got balls.

New York Post

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

*Deadline 9 March 2024

A lone protestor holds up a placard saying ‘Hamas is Terrorist’ at a pro-Palestine rally in Londonistan, and is promptly abused and hassled by other demonstrators.

Guess what. The police (mob-handedly) promptly arrest the lone demonstrator and wrestle him roughly the ground, while allowing those who abused and hassled him to walk away with no consequence.

Funny that. The Old Bill claims that the protestor was arrested ‘for his own safety’. Fuck off. He was arrested because it was simply much easier for the rozzers to deal with one person than for them to deal with the potential consequences of escalation if they had gone for the others involved from the pro-Palestine side.

Openly shout and bawl for jihad on the streets of London, shout your support for a proscribed terrorist organisation, and the police stand by and watch. Carry a banner proclaiming what the government itself says, and you get manhandled and shoved to the ground by half a dozen scuffers, then arrested.

Two-tier policing, and cowardly, heavy-handed policing at that. What a message it sends to the wider public about the attitude and methods of the police on the streets of our capital, when they seem more concerned about a man condemning Hamas than they are about those celebrating it.

But then again, I lost any faith I once had in our wonderful police ‘service’ a long time ago. I doubt that I’m alone.

You Tube

Nominated by: Ron Knee

And speaking of the Met Plod, here’s this from Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

The Met Police, again.

This time the fatsos leave a dead cyclist by the road for six hours. Oh, and they also take the opportunity to steal the cash form the deceased’s wallet (allegedly).

Telegraph

Where the fuck do they recruit this scum from? Incompetence and negligence is rife throughout our fucked up society, but stealing from dead people involves a rarefied breed of cuntishness.

No doubt the proceeds of this escapade resulted in bacon sarnies all round at the local greasy spoon while colleagues shared vile, misogynistic, and rapey, messages via their jolly WhatsApp group:

Mirror News

What is a Strapline?

Every company and its dog now appears to have/need a strapline.

How did it get like this?

Even a one-man operation window cleaner now must have a fucking strapline.

However, I`m in two minds about this nom as I only want to target the massive corporate inane straplines – you know the ones (hit the link above), and I`m sure you cunters can come up with some more `appropriate` phrases for most of them.

But they can also be rather clever and funny.

A few years back I remember there was an estate agents office on a street. Then one day a strapline appeared under the company name: “We Sell Houses”

Now, I don`t know if they were trying to be deliberately funny or if they`d brainstormed the marketing to such a degree that in the end they simply imploded and said `Aye, that`ll do.`

Anyway, a few weeks later the butcher’s, next door, put up a new sign under their shop name: I Sell Meat.

Which was funny.

Now, I could go on to the far end of a fart with this, suffice to say that the best strapline I`ve ever seen was on the side of a builder`s van …
Patel and Singh | Builders: “You`ve tried the Cowboys – Now Try The Indians” …
Toyota Owners

Of course, this now begs the question, ADMINS, what`s this site`s strapline?

Perhaps you can open the floor to us cunters and have a competition with prize(s)?(Vorsprung Durch Fackoff! – Day Admin)

I`ll start the ball rolling…

“ISAC – Because There`ll Always Be Cunts”.

Nominated by: Sam Beau

Did this really happen?

Wales earn the wooden spoon, beaten at home by the Wops? What has become of the team of Alan Wyn Jones and Gareth Edwards, Barry John and Gerald Davies, Phil Bennett and JPR?

Surely the worst Welsh rugby team ever.

YouTube

INews

BBC News

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt