Lou Reed

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Here’s a topical cunting for you – Lou Reed.

I was trying to figure out exactly what to say about this particular arsewipe when I came across this hard to top summing up from a bloke called Scotty back in July 2011 :

“Saw this cunt at Hammersmith Apollo last night. We forked out £150 plus travel for the privilege, thinking its probably the last chance we’d get to see him with him being almost 70……..what a fucking waste of time and money that was. He played one recognisable number, that was Sweet Jane, the rest of the set consisted of funereal dirges which seemed to be mainly open letters to his wife/ex-wife and why he hates her. We didnt drag up there to hear his fucking personal problems, we went to hear some rock and roll, ffs. 24 hours ago Lou Reed was an iconic rock legend to me, today he’s just a fucking cunt.”

But now he’s taking a walk on the dead side. Tributes flowing in from equally pretentious nonentity cunts. Here’s my favourite – a headline in the Telegraph : “Lou Reed created music that will live on for as long as songs are sung.”

Bollocks. Name me three of his finest. Maybe, but I bet you can’t name five!

Nominated by: ChasCMusic

Nicholas van Hoogstraten

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Nicholas-van-Hoogstraten

A short arsed vicious cunt who brings other cunts into disrepute. First encountered the malignant dwarf down on the South Coast where he was landlord of some tenement fleapits where a young couple of my acquaintence where renting rooms. He announced the termination of their tenancy by pumping liquid shit through their letterbox.

After some years of terrorising tenants the psycho cunt had aquired a large property empire managed by tossing hand grenades around and hiring hitmen to deal with business. He pulled a ten year jail sentence for that but managed to get out in one. Made some useful contacts inside though.

Now the homicidal midget has emerged as an intimate and supporter of Black Cunt of the Year Robert Mugabe with a vast fortune and the biggest land holdings (1600 sq miles) in Zimbabwe. His lavish donations to the Mugabe regime have been rewarded by substantial concessions in the world’s largest diamond mines at Marange and business oportunities with like minded black leaders across Africa.

Space permits only a brief outline so please follow the link for more:

“Mugabe’s British henchman: Nicholas Van Hoogstraten’s astonishing new life”

This is a cunt on the scale of a Bond villain.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Lucy Worsley

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Lisping “I’m all right peasants” posh pudenda Oxbridge mafia aging telly tart presenter of things historical and pop-sensational. Irritating cunt on the BBC gravy train.

Currently smirking and donkey braying her way from chat show to chat show flogging her latest book. One of the ‘new look’ fucking presenters over acting to buggery. Her fashion style is 1950’s escapee from a children’s home.

But is it fuckable? Me pet vulture Gristle intimates that the filly may be into S&M and while as broadminded as any old English aristo and quite happy to let her paddle me arse whilst trussed up like a chicken (thus we won the Empire) I do draw the line at electric violet wands and that kind of malarkey. Me old heart donchaknow.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Mark Knopfler & Dire Straits

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dire-straits

Dire Straits are a shit music for sales executives and office workers band who should be summarily marched to Lithuania on foot and shot in some godorsaken field for crimes against music and generally making music sound ‘beige’.

They also wear Chino’s.

Any fucker who wears Chino’s is a cunt.

Money For Nothing eh? Dead right Knopfler you fretwanking prick.

Nominated by: Hurling Dervish

Italians

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capcore2

May I refer to a funny phrase i heard once for the ‘eyeties’? ‘rifle droppers’

Fucking useless during the war–cowardly, thick as shit and would surrender in their droves the moment shots were fired.

The Mafia are good at intimidating and murdering people who are weaker than they are, but when they come against someone who’s up for a ruck, they shit themselves, or surrender.

Greasy Cunts.

Nominated by: Hurling Dervish