Christopher Biggins

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Biggins

With panto season upon us, who better to cunt than Christopher Biggins?

I mean what the actual fuck is this fat cunt actually famous for? Bit-part in Porridge, bit-part in I Claudius, bit-part (non-speaking) in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Can anyone remember anything else? Thought not.

Now the cunt is wheeled out like a fucking “national treasure” (previously cunted) at every opportunity, famous for being famous rather than for any actual artistic endeavour. Absolutely the worst kind of luvvie who seems to be at parties more often than he’s actually working. Hang the cunt.

Nominated by: Fred West

David Quantick

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David-Quantick

Smirking, unfunny, lop-sided faced cunt often used as a talking head on ‘The Nation’s Top 50…’ list type programmes if they can’t get Stuart Maconie or Paul Morley (previously cunted).

Torture is too good for this cunt – if anyone ever spots him in the street, please punch him hard and rip his tongue out. Let’s see if he’s still smirking after that.

Nominated by: Fred West

The New Zealand Sand Fly

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Say hello to one of the biggest little cunts on the planet. A true cunt amongst cunts. The New Zealand Sand Fly is a monumental cunt of cunts!!!

This fucker makes the dreaded Scottish midge look like a fucking pussycat. Insect repellant, head nets, gloves, full body protection and still the little cunt bites you. How do they do it?

And the even better thing about these sods it that you don’t feel them at the time. This bastard specialises in delayed action bites. They start itching about 12 hours later. Antihistamine cream? Don’t make me larf! Their bites spit on your antihistamine cream! And don’t even think about scratching because that just makes them itch even more.

I caught one on the window in our cabin one night. Felt really good squashing the little bastard except that he was full of blood. We weren’t sure whose blood until the next day. Then the itching started.

Yes, he is truly King in the world of blood suckers. Should have been a politician…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Christmas Trees

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Christmas trees are cunts.

With their oohh look at me I’m all green and pretty and smell of pine (Dog piss after two days in my house). They should be left in the ground where they eventually die a horribly protracted death over a century or so. That’ll teach ‘em.

The decoration wearing, off-centre leaning, hoover blocking, end up in my front garden until March, top-of-the-tree fairy wearing bastards. Fuck ‘em!

Nominated by: Fleaboy

( And while we’re in the mood for a bit of festive cheer – like fuck we are! – cock an ear to the latest addition to the ‘Cunt Music’ page courtesy of Fred West. Nice one, Fred! )

Nick Clegg [8]

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Nick Clegg is a gargantuan cunt… He is now moaning about how Gideon Osborne’s latest plans won’t work…

If it wasn’t for Clegg dropping his keks and giving the Conservatives his arse, the twat Osborne (and the rest of them) wouldn’t be in a position to make any such plans…

Clegg still believes he (and the disgusting Lib Dems) are still a political party in their own right… The little fucker got into bed with the Tories just so he could be Deputy Prime Minister for a bit…

Any integrity and standing the Lib Dems had (not that they had much anyway!) is shot to fuck, and Clegg is a collaborating, self serving, deluded little cunt…

Nominated by: Norman