“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s football correspondent Ron Knee reporting from the Euros after England’s 2-1 win over Slovakia. I’m now joined by manager Gareth Southgate to discuss the team’s progress so far. I think it’s fair to say that after lurching through the group stages like Joe Biden on Mogadon, it’s been squeaky bum time again here today against a side some forty places below England in the FIFA rankings. In short, we’ve been pretty dismal so far. Gareth, your reaction”

“Well I must say that you’re being completely unfair to both the team and myself. There aren’t any easy games in world football anymore. Our opponents have all been brilliant so far, and we’ve had to be that little bit more brilliant. Slovakia is always a hard place to get a result. I’m proud of my players”

“Erm, we’re in Germany… and well come on; ‘brilliant’ did you say?”

“Yes, it’s always hard here as well, but I say again, we were brilliant today. Look, we executed our game plan to perfection once more. Stifle and nullify to opposition. Lull them into a false sense of security, then strike twice like a viper. Game over”

“Well I’ll grant you, we’re still in the tournament, but honestly, we’re lucky to have survived so far, and you’ve elevated scuffling into an art form. I feel for the fans, who’ve forked out a fortune to come and watch these dire, boring performances. What have you got to say to them?”

“Our fans have been brilliant, and I’m proud of them. Okay, they’ve been cursing and swearing and throwing beer at me, but that’s all in the heat of the moment. On reflection, I’m sure they’ll agree that everything’s been brilliant so far”

“So what are your plans for the next game? Any player changes or tactical adjustments lined up?”

“Oh I can’t think that far ahead. At the moment, I’ve got a lap of honour of the dressing room to organise, then I’ve got some career options to consider. Word is that Yanited might be looking for a new manager and I’d be the perfect fit. Brilliant, you might say. Got to go. Ciao”

“Er well thanks for that Gareth. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”

Daily Fail.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

A topical second helping from Igor:

Pundits at the Euros
For goodness sakes, can they not find someone that speaks some form of English ?

Some Scottish cunt and a couple of bimbos talking broken biscuits. That’s what we get at the Euros. I didn’t catch a word of their ramblings. Christ on a bike, am I alone in my disbelief?

I give up !

Peter picked a peck of pickled pundit

Washing machine scent boosters.

Just why?

You have your laundry liquid/tablets.
There are already the ” freshest”, so why do you need scent boosters?

If you’ve got an effective bog cleaner, why do you need some shite in a plastic cage hung in the toilet rim?

I’m reminded why I rarely watch TV, everytime I switch the idiot lantern on.

youtube

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

As Kweer prepares to welcome schoolboys (and girls of course) to the voting register, so their every need and whim will be catered for by this quintet of cunts (one “transgender”, of course):

To be an effective anything – even an effective cunt – you need to have lived a bit, not just straight our of school or “uni”, yet these ineffectual arseholes seem to think they know life because of some trifling event in their lives in the past (just like Thornberry became an MP because mummy had to stop shopping at Waitrose when nasty daddy left the family home, and use those beastly “cheap” supermarkets) – our Em sure knows poverty!

As is proven every day, politicians in their 50s and 60s don’t understand the real world, let alone these young up-their-own-arses kids, most of whom have never had real jobs.

No doubt climate change, social justice, tranny rights (and lefts) and the housing crisis will be top of their to-do lists. On that latter topic, has it never occured to these whippersnappers, and their older counterparts, that the shortage of homes is down to the overpopulation of the country, frequently by illegal immigrants, each with half a dozen children?. No – of course it hasn’t.

bbcnews

Nominated by W C Boogs.

This porcine faced wretch is not only a cunt for adorning his worthless career in the glory of better men. For this the prat has been sacked on the spot. He should have been degraded, his uniform torn off him and left to walk the streets in his under crackers, sobbing weakly like the girl`s blouse he is.

Hopefully he`ll be prosecuted and lose his police pension, leaving him with many years to go to claim the state pension, with no one wishing to employ such a pathetic , cringing piece of garbage.

For years he pretended to be a crime fighter when he was nothing more than a social warden, one of Viz`s Bottom Inspectors. During Covid the seedy control freak proclaimed he`d send his officers to check shopping baskets and set up roadblocks to inspect vehicles to see if people were purchasing only ‘ essential items ‘.

The only essential item this thundercunt should need is the skip in which, as a rejected tramp, he`ll die on the coldest winter of the year.

Cunt.

Sky news

Nominated by Those Magnificent Cunts In Their Cunting Machines.

I’m not sure who I’d class as a cunt here, Ms. Snow who is responsible for this leech-sucking story after the tragic death of Dr. Michael Moseley, or Mummys boy Harvey McIntosh, who I think was a “grief” tourist.

Harvey, aged 27, visited Symi on a day trip from Rhodes. Although he says he was aware of the death of Dr. Moseley, and that the temperature on the island was the same in Rhodes, he wasn’t “explicitly warned” about keeping safe.

What? You travel, by boat, from one boiling hot island to another boiling hot island, and think at 27, you should be explicitly warned?

Did your Mum come with you to change your nappies, Harvey, aged 27?

Give the vote to 16/17 years olds?
I rest my case.

Daily Express

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.