For some sordid and perverse reason whenever I use me browser YT is inundated with ads featuring the Eton Arse Boy above flogging poorly cut and made cheap tat retro clobber. Never knowingly done anything to attract such attention and cannot stop it happening despite installing latest ad blockers and ticking every opt oit box I can find. Bastard.

Been plunged into an orchid scented poof’s pansy paradise straight oit orf some cunt Merchant Ivory fillum, A Room With a View ect ect) where Sebastian is forever mooning over Jasper’s bum. This camp cunt above giving it the old come on is the archetypal Eton/Cambridge twisted tosser, its armpits and arse exuding delicate whiffs orf gardenia and musk. Take it up the arse my son, you’ll soon feel a lot better.
CLOSING CREDITS.

Noninated by Sir Limply Stoke

In light of the passing of Rodney Bewes, I would like to nominate obituaries for a severe cunting on this esteemed website. Not Bewes but the people who wrote the gushing and over-the-top tributes that have been all over the media.

I’m too young to remember The Likely Lads but I know my parents liked it. However, the last series ended in 1974 and the TV fillum was in 1975. The last time I recall seeing Bewes on the telly was in a bit-part opposite Peter Davison’s Dr Who. Far from being a ‘legend’ Bewes was clearly a has-been living on decades-old kudos and a feud with his old co-star. A bloke I used to work with in the early 90s said he had worked in the theatre and Bewes was a hopeless alky who they had to drag out of the pub in time for performances. I’m sure Sir Limply will be able to confirm or deny this story.

But no-one good dies anymore. Everyone is a ‘legend’ or ‘one of a kind.’ Look at the outpouring of grief about Prince and David Bowie last year. Both great musicians but both Prince hadn’t had a hit in yonks and Bowie’s last number was in 1983. Again, I’m not cunting either Prince or Bowie but the completely over-the-top reaction to their deaths in the media. I’m going to Mars when Queenie finally croaks.

How about getting a sense of fucking perspective? Yes, you can be sad when someone whose acting or music you liked dies but you didn’t know them and their passing will be zero impact on your life.

Nominated by Norman

A song from WWII by Vera Lynn? No the sound orf crazed fillies screaming in panic. Yes that old favourite PANIC once again hits the streets orf Blighty. The Chav crowds oit and enjoying a spot orf shoplifting and shirtlifting up West while fighting for a bargain are suddenly fighting for a safe space instead. Frightened fillies doing that annoying OMG hand flutter in front orf their gobs and being wrapped in space blankets while receiving counselling and blubbing into her mobile. Can’t beat a filly for multi-tasking. Plod with laser sight H&K MP5s filmed putting the red dot orn each other. Social cunts handing oit bottles orf water. TV reporters asking “wadda ya see..wadda ya see”. Same response “Ahm runnin’ ‘cos every other fucker’s runnin’ innit”.

In truth the cunts don’t know why they are running, it’s another new social phenomenon like flash mobs and fake news. It’s a panic innit. I would love to have put these bollock deficient snowflake cunts up in the East End during the Blitz. Give ’em a spot orf blast that turns the old lungs inside oit or a nice firestorm followed up by phosphorus shower. Feel the earth move me dahlings? Only an 1800kg bomb from a Heinkel. Remember the sound orf those engines for next time.

Turns oit a spot orf fisticuffs between two orf da black yoot kicked it orf. Bugger me, who needs ISIS to inspire the end orf human civilization when all you need is a Twatter account and chavs with mobiles.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

I want to Cunt the parents who go on Social Media to complain that their child has not been invited to a birthday party or some such thing. The reason that your child wasn’t invited was because the child is unpopular with it’s peers.
It’s no good whinging about Autism,ADHD etc. (and how real these actual conditions are is debatable). If the other children don’t like the brat,why should they have to have them at their party? In fact,it might get through to the “shunned” child that their behaviour is unacceptable and they should fucking well learn to live like a decently raised child,and not like some spoiled brat.
The parents do their “special little man” no favours by letting it think that everyone else is in the wrong for not including it. I wouldn’t invite some Spacca to any do that I was having,they’d just spoil it for the normal people. Children would do well to learn early that acting like a Monga might impress those daft enough to swallow it,but the real world won’t be so easily fooled.

These children aren’t “Special”,they’re just badly raised. The “Care-givers” should accept this and toughen up their attitude to the spoiled brats.A bit of tough love would do them the world of good.

Fuck them.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler