Sergeant Cunter’s Lonely Dead Dudes Band
Well we did nap some orf ’em – at least Shauno did – but not a good year in me humble. Cunts seem to be learning a trick or two, croaking orn the quiet, sod ’em.
Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke
Mariah Carey requires a cunting, doesn’t she?
Not for her annoying whine on every song.
Not for her awful dress sense.
Not for her making songs with d-list rappers in a futile attempt to appear relevant.
Not for having an arse the size of a bean bag.
Not because she released an album called No:1s but actually put in an apostrophe (cunt).
Not because the album No:1s contains a lot of No:2s (I mean the turds, not the positions).
Not because she’s more plastic than human.
Not due to her famous tantrums and subsequent bellicose demands at venues.
Not for being proud of being a truculent diva.
Not for the fact that although being half a century old, she still behaves like an over-sexualised teenage girl, despite increasingly looking like a drunken, transgender granny.
Not for any of these reasons. You know why she’s being cunted:-
That. Fucking. Song.
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
Superhero films are shit, aren’t they?
Oh look, another film with people who can fly and become invisible and women who are just as strong as men, actually, and science being twisted and time being travelled so much you end up confused, fatigued, and paralysed by the nonsense of it all while another perfect superhero with an American accent beats the baddie (usually white, often an English accent) in a baffling, nonsensical barrage of noise and computer graphics, brightly-coloured piss from the DC/Marvel abattoir, tiresomely devoid of dama and tediously bereft of humanity.
Why do they continue making these hackneyed cartoons? Who the fuck is paying to watch this predictable, insubstantial dogshit? Is Hollywood now only making films for 15-year old, spotty adolescent virgins? It’s the tat over and over.
Low-brow to the extreme and with paper-thin plots, they seem to be deficient of any purpose other than using special effects to bedazzle you out of ten quid. They have all the substance of a CBBC programme , they have the sophistication of an East-European drug dealer and are about as convincing as Diane Flabbot flogging her Christmas vegan cookbook.
Look, a new actor playing Spiderman…look Batman & Superman fighting someone….look Wonderwoman and Batgirl being tough without looking like muscley, gruesome bulldykes.
What about a superhero who saves England from a demonic bunch of frothing gangsters demanding an unreasonable ransom? How about one that takes on a cult of empty-minded zombie terrorists who believe in a deity that lives in the clouds? Instead we have clichéd, manufactured dross, warmed up for the current generation in ever-developing technology, 4-d cinemas, squirting water, vibrating the seats, continually bombarding you with music and saccharine sentiment to distract you from the absence of quality.
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
It’s that time of the year for Christmas TV to be cunted….
The ABBC have those Bake-Off cunts, Mary Berry Mel and The Dyke, and Nadyia the sacred cow all over our screens during the next two weeks… Not forgetting Mrs Brown’s Cunts, the NeverEnders and Corrie murder and doom fests,The Vicar Of Cunting Dibley, Miranda Horse, that Michael McIntyre cunt, Jools and his Cuntenanny, and the day Doctor Who really does die (Fuck that PC Femsatapo Lezza shite that’s coming!)…
And no doubt there will be a special ABBC bit after the news that shows us the ‘meaning’ of Christmas: With a few peacefuls, transbenders, and an anti-Brexit message thrown into the mix…
Nominated by Norman
This might not be news to many of you, but it certainly was to me.
A few days ago 4 blokes from Humberside Police knocked on my door with a search warrant. They wanted to search my home because Ebay had flagged up my name for buying chemicals on their site. These cunts sell me the chemicals and then tell the police I “could” be up to no good with them in THEIR opinion. I actually use these chemicals for battery science at home.
I’m a 65 year old white male who doesn’t even have a “Peaceful” surname.
They left red faced after 4 hours looking like the total cunts they are.
Ebay will not reply to my emails.
I would suggest that everyone knows what the cunts at Ebay are up to and purchase your items elsewhere. Even better contact them on euinvestigations@ebay.com and demand to know if you are being monitored. Even better contact your local MP and demand to know as there is nothing in the cunts terms and conditions to this effect
Nominated by Paul Rogers