A quick ‘it’s a fix’ cunting for those two charmless, gurning wankers Ant ‘Half Man, Half Klingon’ McPartlin and his sidekick ‘Diddy’ Declan Donnelly.

The Gruesome Twosome have been voted ‘Best Presenters’ for something like the hundredth time in a row at this year’s National TV Awards, casting doubt on the veracity of the result. Either that, or the opposition must truly be absolute dogshit.

Apparently the pair teased the audience that they might retire to give somebody else a chance to win. Oh bring it on, as of yesterday. What’s the difference between Ant and Dec and a pencil? The pencil’s got a point to it.

Daily Record.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

With supporting evidence provided by Chuff Chugger:

Ron…….these were the nominees if it helps your nom?
Alison Hammond
Ant & Dec [WINNER]
Bradley Walsh
Claudia Winkleman
Stacey Solomon

A ‘cunt one get 2 cunts free’ in the form of the BBC and Cunt Kier Starmer cunting for the questionably fragrant Laura Kuenssberg.
Admittedly she did ask Herr Starmer a hard question the other day but here we have this which suggests he is avoiding the trickiest issue.

BBC News.

Great I thought, she is gonna point out the burning question on everyones minds is the uncontrolled immigration but nope, not today from Laura K.

She is like the unflushable jobbie that just won’t go away and generally has nothing of any use to say, although… I would very much enjoy a sordid night with her, I suspect she would make some bizarre angry faces but thoroughly enjoy it eventually.

Nominated by : Cunt of Peeblesshire

Every council in the country is facing massive financial problems. How can it be right then that Bolton Council, one of the many Labour councils in run-down areas, sees fit to piss money at the wall to mollify Commie eco-loonies for their monthly get togethers?

No doubt Kweer will approve (it is so nice that Bolton shares the concerns of the Islington wine and Lobelia-growing classes) and be straight up to Bolton, get on his knees and suck the council leaders dick:

Labour-run council funds Extinction Rebellion ‘climate cafe’

MSN Link.

Check this out – NA List of Councillors.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs

These things have annoyed me for fucking years. I went to Cheltenham for the day today and saw three of the fucking things, starting with the railway station there. A frowning life size cut-out of a policeman is positioned on the bridge over the track, to strike fear into the heart of any fare dodging cunt that sidles past it. The fact that there is a ticket barrier right behind it is an irrelevance.

The obvious message is – we can’t afford security, or, there aren’t enough police to go around. Even the dimmest of miscreants would not be inhibited by the presence of one of these things, surely. It looks even more stupid when you consider that people are now filling up carrier bags with stuff in supermarkets, and then just walking out without paying, with no challenge. Clearly they are not that bothered by actual police or security guards, so why would they give a scabby rats arse about a bit of cardboard?

Maybe if these cardboard things looked a bit more realistic, with a few poorly executed tattoos, a Greggs bag in one hand and were somewhat bulkier, the shoplifter or faredodger would think again?

It makes you think what other occupations could be replaced by a cardboard cut out, but in a lot of cases that would be an improvement.

Nominated by : Mary Hinge

Sort of seconded by Rt. Hon. Dioclese:

Seconded. Whilst trawling the sordid depths of the internet the other day, I came across an ad for a life size cardboard cutout of no less a musical legend than Liam fucking Gallagher.

While anyone in their right mind would want this is beyond me. The real thing is pretty horrible but on the plus side at least the cardboard cutout can’t sing.

Mind you, nor can the real Liam…