Cards on the table: I fucking despise the way modern black/ethnic youths speak. It’s eroding British culture faster than a litre of sunny delight rots milk teeth. I know since time immortal teenagers and the young have always adopted their own slang to fit in with peers, rebel etc. But this fucking current idiocy is a game changer.

There is no real way to mask this cunting for what it is: a direct attack on the morose, pathetic, cringeworthy and almost self-parody that is ‘black speak’. Searching online to see if this had a formal name, it seems to be under ‘Ebonics’. But fuck that for a game of soldiers, I won’t use anything that legitimises this backwardly devolved form of communication.

I don’t mind a bit of ‘init’, I don’t mind a bit of ‘know what I mean’, and I can even stretch to the odd ‘safe’.

The piss boils however when middle-class surrey kids, without trace of irony, talk like Compton’s finest. Middle-class WHITE kids, no less.

Why oh why do we entertain these fucking cretins who speak in that completely fucking made-up Bangladeshi-Jamaican accent (see Ali G) and further, even allow such cunts to do voice-overs on BBC/ITV programmes & VTs?

It’s all utter fucking wank. It’s not culture. It’s not in any way, shape or form legitimate. It’s fucking retarded.

Everywhere I turn I see this horse bollocks getting normalised and passed off as ‘street’, ‘urban’ or ‘inner city’. Fuck right off you stupid scumcunts.

Worse still though, the internet has seemingly adopted black American ghettoisms at every fucking turn. Every fucking ‘meme’ “has me be like…”, “I’m inna…” “go girl…” Jesus Harry H. Corbett Christ, speak fucking remotely properly, you head-shaking, fat-arsed, wig-wearing morons! When did this fucking bollocks become cool? Who decided that the some of the most deadbeat people in existence were the gatekeepers to almost all internet fucking slang?

Lord have mercy. I’d gratefully accept going back to the times when the worst grammatical faux pas British kids committed was calling me a cunt in the Sainsbury’s confectionary aisle.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

Now the actions of these cunts have made my blood boil more than anything else in a long while. On the wall of their student union building was Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If”, a really great and inspiring poem. But these students decided that it was “not in line with their values” because Kipling was a racist (he really was not) and they wanted more representation for black and brown students so they painted over Kipling’s poem with some crap by an American civil rights cunt.

Where the hell do they get the nerve to pull this shit? Kipling is one of our national treasures and has had a huge impact on the world of literature. How dare these entitled foreigners think that they can just erase his works because he was white and British. There attempts to blackwash our history is beyond insulting to us, the native British population, who so graciously allow you to live, work and study in our country. Cunts.

Nominated by Mad Jack Churchill

Kipling’s poem “If” was replaced by the Manchester students’ union executive team with “Still I Rise“, by black poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou, to better reflect the union’s values. Sara Khan, liberation and access officer at the union, said students were not consulted on the decision to display Kipling’s poem – which concerns paternal advice to the speaker’s son.

Ms Khan wrote: “We, as an exec team, believe that Kipling stands for the opposite of liberation, empowerment, and human rights – the things that we, as an SU [students’ union], stand for. Well-known as author of the racist poem “The White Man’s Burden”, and a plethora of other work that sought to [legitimise] the British Empire’s presence in India and dehumanise people of colour, it is deeply inappropriate to promote the work of Kipling in our SU.”

She added: “As a statement on the reclamation of history by those who have been oppressed by the likes of Kipling for so many centuries, and continue to be to this day, we replaced his words with those of the legendary Maya Angelou, a black female poet and civil rights activist.”

Fatima Abid, general secretary of the students’ union, wrote on Twitter: “We removed an imperialist’s work from the walls of our union and replaced them with the words of Maya Angelou.
God knows, black and brown voices have been written out of history enough, and it’s time we try to reverse that, at the very least in our union.”

I’d describe that as racist fucking bullshit – except that bullshit is brown and they’s likely call me a racist.

Where the fuck do they find these cunts and why the fuck do we allow them to walk all over us????

Nominated by Pedantic Cunt