Oscar winner Kidman has got a new flick out. It’s called ‘Babygirl’. We know this because the meeja’s full of it after its premiere at the Venice Film Festival. Nicole plays a woman who has an affair with a much younger man, and apparently it’s all a bit steamy, featuring nudity, masturbation and s and m.

Now Kidman might be 57 but she’s still fit. If she wants to get her kit off and flash her fanny in return for a (no doubt) very handsome pay cheque, I won’t complain; in fact, I’ll happily look at it all day. Unfortunately, that’s not all there is to it. No, in addition Kidman has to go into full on ‘I suffer and bare my soul for my art’ luvvy bollocks mode when being interviewed about her performance.

She just couldn’t wait to tell us how the film has left her feeling ‘exposed’. ‘The film definitely leaves me vulnerable and frightened and all of these things when it’s given to the world, but making it with these people was delicate and intimate’, she trills coyly. I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely feeling her emotional pain.

She did feel protected during filming though, because it was written and directed by Halina Reijn. ‘That’s what made it so unique, because suddenly I was going to be in the hands of a woman. It was dear to our shared instincts and very freeing. I knew that Halina wouldn’t exploit me’ etc and so forth blah de blah.

Now look love; you’ve made a soft porn erotic thriller in the ‘Basic Instinct’ mode, and no doubt the p.r. for it will play on its sensationalistic aspects. But it’s hardly likely to prove to be a sensual art house classic like ‘Realm of the Senses’. ‘The sacredness of the set’ my arse. Talk about being up yourself. Do us all a favour. Just cut the pretentious arty-farty bullshit, take your money, and go away. Enough already.

Screen Daily.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

So what’s everyone’s favourite closet bender and vegan dog abuser been up to.

Well not winning races and titles..

So maybe that’s why the whitest black man ever is suddenly championing F1 races in Africa..
The last time was south Africa in 1993.

Hilariously little louie is championing Rwanda for a spot on the race calendar..
Best not let Rodney and the Labour Party know about that.. it’s dangerous out there.

Even funnier Lewis made this quote.

“We can’t be adding races in other locations and continue to ignore Africa which the rest of the world takes from, no one gives anything to Africa,”

Yeah Africa the continent of giving.
What 2 trillion not enough?

So look forward to the race of Africa in the near future, 60 laps around the bison piss waterhole, all the spare tyres hanging from the trees.
And the bloke who finishes last goes in the cooking pot..

So stick to dressing like a knobhead and finishing in the top ten you bellend.

autoweek

Nominated by Barry zuckercunt.

Communists, tut. Never happy are they?

Back in 1948 the British army was involved in the Malaya Emergency.

A uprising by communists were attacking rubber plantations and being a bit of a nuisance. So we sent in the army.

Now Malaya is dense jungle. So we hired some Iban guides from Borneo. We’d used them before against the Japanese.

Now the Iban are charming people. Affable, friendly, polite. But also happen to be head hunters.

Now our ancestors, the ancient Britons were also headhunters. Reason the Romans used us as auxiliary troops. Now the Iban started taking the heads of Malayan communists. The Royal marines joined in and everyone was having a splendid time.

’til the Daily Worker newspaper found out. They published a photo:

Image.

The government denied it. So the communist paper printed more. Eventually Winston Churchill had to come out and admit it was true. And playing with severed heads from now on wasn’t funny.

The Iban carried on chopping commie heads off. It’s what they do!

But shame on the Marxists at the Daily Worker for trying to stop a tribal custom by people in a third world country.

They really are scum.

A link!

WW2 Talk.com

I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on.

Nominated by : Miserable northern cunt

is a cunt

*Newsflash 5th Sept.2024*

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Royal Correspondent Ron Knee bringing you some astonishing breaking news concerning Prince Harry.

As we all know, Harry is sublimely happy with his Stepford Wife and his life in Monteshitshow, but ever dutiful, he has graciously condescended to consider ‘helping out’ with royal duties temporarily if asked to by the king.

There remains one huge stumbling block to Harry’s return to the fold however. Sources indicate that he will only put himself out if he receives an apology from his estranged brother Prince William.

When appraised of his brother’s self-sacrificing offer, the Prince of Wales apparently replied to members of his inner circle ‘hell will freeze over before one apologises to that arrogant, self-serving little prick. Up the Villa’.

So there we have it. It appears that a British public consumed with a sense of loss and longing for Harry’s return are sadly doomed to be disappointed. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Mirror

Nominated by Ron Knee.

A First Class cunting (but you can’t be sure it will arrive next day) for Royal Mail who on October 7th will for the second time this year rise the price of a First Class stamp to 1.65

This hideous company, whose chairmen in recent years are too incompetent to arrange a fuck in a brothel, are really taken liberties now. It will decimate the mail order business for one thing. Even now, it is not unusual for a 1st class letter to take two days to arrive.

Still I suppose it i all part of Adolf Starmer’s “progressive politics” – you notice not a word of recrimination for the governing party.:

Daily Express.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs