MOJO Magazine

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MOJO Magazine are cunts…

Known for years as ‘The Muso’s (ie:knobhead’s) choice’ and a ‘serious’ music publication, these cunts have now plunged new depths… Aside from championing tuneless crap like Jack White and Lana Del Cunt, the fannies at MOJO Towers are now kissing the arse of -wait for it -Yoko Ono….

As some may know, a 50th anniversary reissue of the Beatles’ ‘White Album’ is imminent… And MOJO have dedicated their latest issue to it… Macca gets asked about half a dozen questions, reissue specialist Giles Martin, and original engineers Chris Thomas and Ken Scott get a few words… But most of the article and praise goes to (as David Crosby would say) Yoko Fucking Ono! Not only do these cunts say that Ono ‘joined’ The Beatles (she fucking didn’t! She interfered with their work and their dynamic), they also wax lyrical about Yoko’s ‘positive effect on The Beatles’… Positive effect?!! Like breaking up the Lennon & McCartney partnership, turning Lennon into a heroin addled pussywhipped cunt? Antagonising George Harrison and George Martin, freezing Lennon’s (ex) wife and son out of the Beatles’ orbit, and engineering the appointment of Allen Klein as Apple manager? That positive effect? MOJO are elevating a talentless and manipulative groupie to legendary band member status…. Almost anyone who has come across Ono (Harrison,McCartney, Crosby, May Pang, Cynthia Lennon, Jack Douglas, Andy Peebles, Julian Lennon) all have said that she is a cunt… But, for some strange reason, the cunts at MOJO think otherwise… In this age of Femstapo revisionism and PC madness, Yoko Fucking Ono will be officially seen as a bona fide Beatle in future tellings of their ‘history’ and cunts like MOJO will be to blame for that… Fuck off!

Nominated by Norman

“Best ever”

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Best ever cunts are…. well… cunts….
I refer to the sort of millennial spunk dribble who always refers to some modern shit as the ‘best ever’… Examples include: Lionel Messi is the greatest player ever (when he fucking isn’t), Benderbert Cuntberdinck is the best Sherlock Holmes ever (bollocks), Jennifer Lawrence is the sexiest woman ever (ever seen the young Liz Taylor or Anita Ekberg, you cunts?), Ed Sheercunt is the best ever songwriter (oh, my fucking sides), some childish name calling by a cunt like JK Rowling is viewed as ‘the best put down ever’ (do fuck off), and now it’s Jodie Whittaker is the best Doctor Who ever… What?! After three fucking episodes?! Fuck right off! She’s the best looking one, sure, but that’s it….These ignorant cunts have no sense, knowledge, or regard for history and true greatness… Anyone who thinks that walrus with lipstick, Adele, is the best singer ever or that Mrs Brown’s Cunts is the funniest show ever needs shooting… Moronic millennial cunts….

Nominated by Norman

Graeme Swann

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Graeme Swann is starting to become a very annoying cunt.

After having a makeover to rival only that of Shane Warne, using even his kids as a justifiable reason to gain votes he has sold his soul to be a strictly mincer.

Whilst IPL could be an acceptable cash cow to sell out to, what is he thinking.

I sincerely hope Tollioni and Revell Horward bun him in the showers as the cunt drops the soap washing off the fake tan just to get his mind right.

Fuck off Swann you total bell end.

Nominated by King Cunt

Kevin Maguire [3]

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Kevin Maguire is due another nomination for being a two faced anti-Brexit twat. Prior to Unilever’s about face on their move to Rotterdam, Maguire tweeted;
“Persil-PG Tips-Marmite giant Unilever shifting it’s HQ from London to Holland would Brexit Britain a poorly stocked corner shop in the world”.

However, now that the shareholders have forced the management of Unilever to rethink their move, Maguire has tweeted;
“Unilever HQ moving to Holland never about Brexit and nor is staying. Anglo-Dutch company worried about lack of protection from financial raiders. Shareholders want it to stay…to cash in from raids”.

What an utter, two-faced, cockwomble of a cunt. He’s partly correct with his second tweet. Unilever’s decision to relocate to Rotterdam was NEVER about Brexit. As I understand it, the Dutch government offered them a better deal on tax and regulation than the British government. That had nothing to do with the UK leaving the EU. That being the case, why did Maguire insinuate in his first tweet that the move WAS because of Brexit, by mentioning “Brexit Britain”? And how the fuck did he think he would get away with subsequently insinuating it was actually greed on the part of shareholders that was behind the decision to stay in the UK? And that insinuation isn’t even true. Because he’s a cunt, that’s why.

Yet another left wing, anti-democratic shite hawk, who got it wrong, and has neither the guts nor the decency to admit it.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Social Media Mums

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What is it about these daft bints with their fucking hashtags and their holier than thou attitude? If it’s not the fact their kids are the best at everything (until they fail their exams or their school team gets beat and then fuck all appears), then it’s their house is the best (at least Hyacinth Bucket/Bouquet was a pisstake), their cars are the best, their jobs are stressful, but fulfilling, their husband is the best and their family life something everyone should aspire to (even though both halves of the relationship are probably fucking someone else).

Their diet and fitness journey is rammed down your throat (Your PT costs a fortune but your still fat love, have a bag of chips instead of an avocado). And to cap it off, they share “inspirational quotes” on a Saturday night, which gives the game away; you ain’t got the slap on to take an airbrushed photo at a high angle to hide your double chin love.

You’re fat, middle aged, stuck at home watching celeb cunts dancing or snowflake cunts crying because 4 talentless wankers think they can’t sing. The hubby is fat and thinking you’re boring but he can’t get a younger model.

Get out and get a life, get a fucking off someone, get a hobby, but whatever you do, keep it to yourself you cunt.

Nominated by Cunt Nemesis