New Year’s Resolutions are for cunts, aren’t they.

~ be a better person
~ speak more to my family
~ become healthier
~ do the DIY jobs in my house

Why practise this false psychology? Who does it really benefit? Surely this prosaic tradition is for weak-minded plebs who have no self-control. The only thing these empty vessels love more than chasing their mediocrity is declaring their chimeras on soshul meeja. The whole concept has the stale odour of ‘motivational speak’ about it. I’m embarrassed for these gung-ho noodles when their gym membership card is accumulating dust in February and they’ve cracked open the Malbec by the 7th January.

Balls to empty goals and promises, bollocks to Dry January, resolutions can shit off.

“Hey Magnanimous, are you going down to the gym to further your training?”
“No, I’m going up to the Off Licence to further my Wet January.”

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

First Past The Post
I want to cunt the FIRST PAST THE POST voting system.

On the surface it might appear democratic, but is it really?

For example, at the 2015 General Election, with 4 MILLION votes, UKIP were awarded a grand total of ONE seat to represent their voters in the House of Common Cunts.

Compare and contrast that with the LIBERAL DEMOCRATS who, with only 2.4 million votes, were awarded 8 seats… shurley shome mishtake?

But it gets better – With a paltry 1.4 million votes, the SCOTTISH NATIONAL PARTY were awarded… drum roll… 56 fucking seats!

UKIP got more votes than the SNP & LibDumbs COMBINED! Yet still ended up with only 1 seat compared to SNP /LD’s 64!

Meanwhile the MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY, with 400,000 votes, were awarded precisely 0 seats (the SNP got 15 for the same number!)

Get the picture?

(in case anyone’s wondering, the Tories received 11.3 million votes and ended up with 331 seats, whilst Labour got 9.3 million votes for 232 seats. Between the two of them, that works out at approximately 400,000 votes per seat…so much for democracy).

What’s required imo is a system of Proportional Representation, STV for example (Google it). Though not the AV bollocks shite put to the electorate by the LibDumbs back in the 2011 referendum when they were part of the coalition, remember that?

With Proportional Representation cunts might even feel motivated to vote for who they actually want, instead of being obliged to choose between the lesser of two evils. Unfortunately the Con /Lab /Civil Service axis of evil isn’t interested in anything like that cos “we’re doing very well as we are thank you very much”, not wishing to allow fair representation of the 60% + who voted for some fucker else.

And don’t get me started on those Remoaner cunts who deliberately seek to confuse referendums and general elections in the mind of the voting public. Referendums (in this country at least) are supposed to be a once in a generation binary choice vehicle designed to settle an issue Parliament is unwilling or unable to resolve itself. Brexit for example… or Capital Punishment (if only…)
General Elections on the other hand are held every 5 years by default to elect a Government.

PS: The first EU In/Out Referendum took place in 1975. FORTY ONE YEARS later (in 2016) us plebs were eventually granted another. If the Remoaners want a THIRD referendum, or “loser’s vote”, shouldn’t we show magnanimity and accede to their wish…. in… say… 2057?

Nominated by Ruff Tuff Creampuff

Breaking news, another knife attack by a peaceful worshipper in Manchester yesterday.

Apparently he was yelling ‘Allahu Akbar’ during the attack, but the good old BBC omitted this in their report.
Here is a quote from that report :

Officers said counter terrorism police were leading the inquiry, but they were keeping an open mind on the motive.

Well call me Agatha Christie, but is a goatfucker, armed with a twelve inch knife, running down a train platform shouting Allan’s Snackbar, looking to stab anyone in the vicinity, not a terrorist? Or am I biased?

Manchester police were lampooned in 2016 for conducting a drill for this very scenario.

Cunts, the whole fucking lot of them.

Nominated by Hugh Jardon

Jack Radio – launched just recently with the tagline ‘Women. Playing what we want’
Basically a rip off of the old Jack FM (now Sam FM) ‘Playing what we want’, but this one features women only, women presenters, women singers, including cover versions of male songs by, …WIMMIN!!!!!!
Sexist? Not arf mate. Cunts? most definitely.

Nominated by Mystic Maven