Chris Packham.
Not having a TV, I was slightly baffled when visiting my friendly local gunsmith and his name came up in conversation. Baffled, and incandescent enough to look the cunt up and sign a petition to get his dogooding vegan touchy feely (hands off, MPG and Krav) arse kicked straight out of the BBC’s expensive doors. Why?

I’ll try not to be too technical, but up to a couple of days before this cunting, any cunt anywhere with legal access to a piece of land and a gun could shoot pigeons without any further bureaucratic idiocy. Pigeons aren’t just a bloody nuisance with no musical ear, they’re vermin. They destroy crops, spread diseases and shit everywhere. Until yesterday, they were subject to a general licence (with other winged pests), and anyone could shoot them.

But super ecospunktrumpet Packham launched a legal challenge to this, and Natural England, the quango in charge of such matters, decided to bow to the lawyers and withdraw the general licence.
Killing pigeons is now illegal. You now have to apply for an individual licence to do so. The terms and conditions are stringent, ridiculously so, and I shudder to think of the extra expense of the bureaucracy required to deal with every cunt with an airgun, every farmer and the members of every rough shoot in the country…individually.
Thanks, you smug faketanned pigeon fetishist. I know nothing else of Packham, except that he looks like an overpaid snowflake cunt, which is what he is, and any cunter is free to fill in the details for me. Meanwhile, here’s the petition:

https://www.change.org/p/bbc-bbc-to-sack-chris-packham

There;s another petition to keep the cunt on, so it’s war.

Nominated by Komodo

My son in law got me a ticket to see Packham as he knows I am a wild creature and nature fan.
Fuck me. Packham seems to be ‘on the spectrum’ as they say. He fascinated us with deliberately out of focus pictures, shots of him photographing birds in a Gambian sewage farm where he says he spends his holidays, lying in kaffir shit. Unhinged and fucking boring at the same time.
Coming to a theatre near you. Avoid.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Aladdin is a cunt, isn’t he?

This story is having another make-over as Hollywood, bereft of ideas, deficient of creativity, has decided to rehash this hackneyed shit for more moolah.

I thought he was Chinese but it’s now set in Arabia. Let the sanitising begin.

No mention of killing infidels or murder training camps because the fairy story of Aladdin was created before the fairy story of Allåh was created. Perhaps they should’ve made a modernised film, Aladdin joins a death squad, becomes a Religious fanatic, travels through eleven countries perpetually claiming to be a “refugee” then arranges to meet Jasmine, one of his four pregnant 16-year old wives while strapping a bomb to his back but calling it a ‘magic lamp.” Psh.

As the cherry on the turd, this shitestorm has a special whiff of crap: Will “cuntface” Smith is the Genie which means layers of treacly, smug charm, casual “he’s a white boy” comments, and teeth bleached to ‘dazzle’ mode. What a load of Camel shit on a flying carpet.

? A whole new wo-orrld…✨ Get fucked.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

THE HEALTH GESTAPO
I would like to give these twats a good cunting. There is not a day goes by without the constant drip drip of press releases telling you what you should or should not eat or drink, what’s good for you and what isn’t. Have you noticed recently though how it’s been ratcheted up? It’s not just bad for you – it’ll fuckin’ kill you! Now men are told that they must limit their drinking to 14 units a week. I can’t find any scientific basis for this so I am going to stick with the advice of my friend, the alcohol scientist Dr K Polkolainen who says drinking a bottle of wine a day isn’t bad for you( actually true-Google it). I trust him because he used to work for the WHO and has carried out lots of research. However, he does say 9 bottles would be a little excessive. We are now told that if you eat so much as one bacon sandwich a day it will kill you(colorectal cancer). This is fantastic news for the religious wars about to take place. We can subdue the peacefuls with bacon butties. However, the worst piece of news to come out this week is that “laziness is killing us”. WTF? If this were true I’d have died a thousand deaths during my lifetime! Well, I’ll have to end it there- I’m off for a jog around the block. Fuck the health gestapo, the shower of cunts.

Nominated by Bluntspeakingcunt

With Easter now upon us, any thoughts of the devil & hell may well be far from our thoughts. I fear it’s closer than we realise.
Orbital Billboard. A Russian Start Rocket Website is seeking clients to beam adverts from its outer space platform onto the night sky. Impossible to overlook, impossible to switch off. A terrifying thought, too chilling to comprehend. But could well be just around the corner. Post-Meridiem love making & Star lands ?Afternoon Delight now a long distant memory.

Nominated by Lostsheep

Brandon Lewis is a right cunt. Now, to be fair, you have to be a bit of a cunt to chair the Tory Party whilst Teflon Treeza is leading it but as Mark Twain once said “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

Bully Boy Brandon is telling party members that “Campaigning for or endorsement of any other political party is incompatible with membership of the party.” It goes on to say “The board will not hesitate to enforce these rules.”

So as a card carrying Tory, Brandon reckons that he’ll kick me out of I support Farage. Well if they apply that rule then the Tory Party is about to shrink radically. So fuck you, Brandon. Bring it on!

But then Twain also said “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” He also said “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”

Wise man, Mr Twain. The Tories could learn a lot from him…

Nominated by Dioclese