I want to nominate cunt food for a cunting.

Cunt food is consumed by cunts. It consists of things like quinoa, rocket salad and couscous. Avocado is popular with cunts as well.

Many high street sandwich chains are overflowing with cunt food. Pret a Manger ( what a cuntish name) will not give you a ham and cheese roll or a sausage sandwich. Instead, you have to eat a “ chicken and pea crush baguette” or an “artichoke, olives and tapenade baguette”. What the fuck is “ tapenade”? And why does it have to be a fucking baguette and not a roll?

Cunt food is also a mainstay of tv cooking shows. Masterchef is dominated by effete, precious, hissy cunts cooking cunt food for consumption by cunts. That cunt Greg Wallace has previously stuffed his face with “trofie with nasturtium and macadamia pesto”, “ stavros peppers, feta, sherry vinegar, pine-nut crunch” and “ mayo-roasted chicken with waldorf salad and tarragon”.

Cunts are terrified that Brexit will lead to a shortage of their favourite cunt food ingredients, hence the stockpiling of quinoa, Greek yoghurt, calves liver and oregano.

I hope it does lead to a shortage and then we can get back to decent food like full English Breakfast with Worcester Sauce, sausage sandwiches with HP sauce and treacle sponge with custard.

Cunts.

Nominated by Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine

Bo Ho Types.
What has prompted this nom is that I am working away, and currently sat outside a pub in Camden watching the world go by, and people watching which is one of my favourite pastimes.
Apart from the fact that I have not yet heard a conversation in English (don’t get me started on fucking Londonistan) I have noticed a lot of Bo Ho, shabby chic types here.
It reminds me of a suburb of Manchester, a town I love, called Chorlton.
It is full of these types who think they are trendy and cool. Chorlton, for some inexplicable reason, is considered such a place to live when in actual fact, it is a bit of a shithole.
Men over 50 have to have the compulsory pony tail, dress in unmatched clothes which look like they were purchased in a charity shop. They generally spend their time on laptops or reading a book.
Women of this type tend to wear unmatched clothes which look like they were purchased in a charity shop. Baggy, half masted pants and flat patent comfortable (lezzer) shoes are the order of the day. They generally spend their time on laptops or reading a book.
For the record, any man who looks and acts like this is not cool or trendy, you are, in fact a cunt.
Any woman who looks and acts like this is not cool or trendy, you are, in fact a cunt.
But thanks to all these types who do promote a giggle or two from myself and help me to understand what cunts some people can be.

Nomimated by Hugh Jardon

After-shave Toilet Attendants are cunts, aren’t they?
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➖ Al-reeet brother, after-shiirrve? No spray, no lay.
Cap’n Magnanimous: I’ve just come in to have a piss, thanks.
➖ No cologne, no go home. No Davidoff, no suck it off, ha ha!
Cap’n Magnanimous: Yes…I’ve….I’m in the middle of…
➖ No soap, no hope!
Cap’n Magnanimous: …Fuck’s sake…
➖ You need hand-towel?
Cap’n Magnanimous: I’m a bit busy, you know, having a piss.
➖ Alriiight, but you know, blud, no splash, no gash. No Armani, no poonani!
Cap’n Magnanimous: Ahh, finished. I was pissing like a racehorse…
➖ No brudda, use ma soap..
Cap’n Magnanimous: What are all these bottles of perfume here?
➖ For the ladies, freshen up; sucky on your lollipop.
Cap’n Magnanimous: You’ve got urine on your trainers.
➖ Ma job is to ‘elp you cleans your ‘ands.
Cap’n Magnanimous: It seems your job is to prevent customers reaching the sinks.
➖ No lubrication…. No penetration, aiiii!
Cap’n Magnanimous: And you guilt-trip weak-minded drunks into tipping you for it?
➖ Dey sliiide me a gold coin, bro. Have a hand towel.
Cap’n Magnanimous: For a quid? I’ll drip dry, thanks.

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Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Right, I’ve had enough of this! If English is your native tongue, then fucking speak properly! A holiday is not ‘holibobs!’ If you are going to America, then say that. Not ‘Im going America’. ‘Love you, much!’ What the actual fuck is that meant to mean! Ask, seems to have become ‘ax’! If you ever speak to me in this teenage millennial dribble, I’m going to stare at you, silently, until you realize that you are an utter, utter cunting, cunt farm!!

Nominated by Master Baiter

I’ve just been forced to sit through an episode while on anchor watch! What a bunch of simpering, self righteous, moms apple pie, wholesome, law abiding, bible thumping, forgiveness is everything, cunts! Especially the late Michael Brandon! What a cunt! I hope he’s burning in Hell with a massive hot poker up his shitter for being a shit actor. And as for the youngest daughter! Walking around with that shit eating smile on her cunting face all day long! It’s no wonder that the store keepers daughter wants to punch her face in! Fucking cunts, the lot of them!

Nominated by Master Baiter