Cowardly MPs who won’t contest their seats are cunts, aren’t they.

It appears that many MPs have said they’ll be “stepping down” (as if it’s their decision) at the forthcoming election. Perhaps they’re stepping down to spend more time with their consciences, after thwarting Democracy for so long.

How dare these gibbering Remainiacs deprive us of enjoying their humiliation on Election night. We’ve watched these toads leap from party to party to prolong their survival yet when the great decider arrives, the guillotine that is the General Election, they whimper away like pathetic, petrified puppy pugs. Their final act of of defiance is a prevention of our schadenfreude in seeing each fainthearted sissy receive the sack.

Nonetheless, there’s still a smidgeon of comfort knowing that these timid, scrotum-free assassins of democracy will be unemployed a week before the festive season. Let us rejoice at that.

?”Rockin around, the Benefits office, have a happy holiday…” Merry Christmas, you craven cunts.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

I think those fucking thieving cunts sky are due a cunting. We had been customers with those cuntfaced bandits for over 20 years then they decide to bunk up our monthly charge to 100 quid without even telling us. We then came back as a new customer and they offered us a cheaper deal for a sky Q box. Except the issue with the Q box is the fuckwitted engineer who fitted it has didn’t have a clue what he was doing so the box doesn’t work!! And the cunts fucked up our freeview tv too so we can’t watch that either. Those parasitic cunts should be wiped from the face of the earth for robbing hardworking people of their hard earned money. Special mention to sky sports too for persistently changing football matches too ridiculous times, I’m not too keen on going to sky fucking Middlesbrough on a Saturday afternoon nevermind a fucking Monday night!!

Nominated by Lord Cuntington

I would like to dedicate a square nomination for the oft-mentioned but rarely cunted ‘comediennes’ – many of us despise them but because we are such bitter, militant sexists, we have never addressed the inequality of giving them adequate representation within these hallowed halls. Being a prime example of a subserviant gentleman and fair-minded champion of women’s rights, allow me to take the lead on this one, chaps.

Miranda Hart, Sarah Millican, that cunt from Goodness Gracious Me, Jo Brand, Amy Schumer, Victoria Coren, Julia Louis Dreyfus, any of the shitcunts from Saturday Night Live, that ginger-haired cunt who drags out her Northern accent, that obese Australian landwhale, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Josie Long, Bernard Toksvig, Jenny Eclair, Catherine Tate and any of those fucking cunts from that whole Peep Show/Thick Of It incestuous Oxbridge TV clique… not one single fucking laugh has ever been brought out in me by any of them.

I can truly count the number of women in comedy or stand up who have made me laugh on a pair of testicles: Felicity Montagu from Alan Partridge and Pauline McLynn from Father Ted. Both had/have actual comedic timing, delivery, nuances.

The rest are just – especially these days – ultra-feminist useless cunts whose source material is 99% about their own vaginas, periods, victimhood and problems having sex with their cavernous klunges.

Absolutely fucking useless cunts. Marzipan dildos, the lot of them.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

A nomination for Britbox if you please. Britbox is a new subscription streaming service created by the ever-desperate BBC, in conjunction with ITV. Note the word “subscription”; so we have to pay to watch programmes that we as licence-payers have already funded in the past, effectively making us stakeholders….

The main reason for this cunting though is that these woke wankers have stated that many of the classic comedy shows will be shown in a censored format to “avoid offending modern audiences”, including ‘Fawlty Towers’, ‘Porridge’ and ‘Only Fools And Horses’. Now there was some ribald humour in all of these, but can any of you cunts think of a single moment in any that’s “offensive”?? Jesus wept. Obviously ‘It Ain’t Half Hot Mum’, ‘Love Thy Neighbour’ and ‘Till Death Do Us Part’ have been explicitly banned already.

Selective editing of history; as I recall the Nazis were pretty big on that…..

Nominated by Cuntan the Cuntarian

A toys out of the pram crappy excuses cunting for this Albanian, I mean Swiss ‘footballer’ who happens to be the captain of Arsenal football club.

This useless twat, so typical of Millennials, reacted like a big fucking baby when subjected to some jeering from the crowd. Like players in the past (and present) have never had to put up with this?

Long story short (ish), he was substituted during a game in which his team had just lost a two goal lead (at home) to Crystal Palace. Some (not all obviously) Arsenal fans are not particularly happy to see this guy playing every week, especially as captain, and ironically cheered (which was a bit out of order but it happens in football) when his name was called out for the substitution.

Arsenal needed a goal so he should’ve ignored these idiots and run off the pitch as quickly as he could to make the most of the time left. You know, for his team? But what did he do?

He started walking as slowly as he could and threw the captain’s armband o the floor. Then, the boos started (I would’ve booed the cunt too at this point). He then cups his hand to his ear, sarcastically encourages the crowd to boo him louder (WWF wrestling style) and repeatedly shouts “Fuck off!” to the crowd. He took his shirt off and according to some (the cameras didn’t pick this bit up – or the footage hasn’t been released) he threw his shirt on the ground in the tunnel.

Remember, this bellend is the captain.

Sure, he is human and just reacted. But if you play football and can’t take a bit of crap from the crowd now and again, then don’t bother turning up.

His coach/manager (who was an idiot for letting the players vote on their choice of captain by the way…that’s why this big baby is captain in the first place) has said that the player should apologise. He has been receiving ‘counselling’ due to the fans’ booing, which I’m sure, won’t encourage fans of rival teams to rip him to pieces from now on.

Almost a week later he has finally released a statement that blames his reaction to the abuse he and his family have had on social media. He has not apologised (he just said he’s sorry if people ‘thought’ he was being disrespectful).

His wife and kid have been threatened online by complete morons (probably mentals), which of course, is a disgrace. If an idiot has been saying he’ll come and rape his wife and kidnap his baby, then that idiot should be arrested or sent to the nuthouse.

However, if you put yourself on social media as a famous person, then you have to expect that out of your 1 million or so followers, a few of them will be mentals.

So I call bullshit on his excuse. He reacted because his precious ego was hurt and he couldn’t handle it, like a captain should.

If he had a brain (which he doesn’t, it seems) he’d get off social media and look at his own crappy performances and try and win the fans over by playing better, instead of reacting like a big fucking baby.

I would love to have seen how Brian Clough dealt with this cunt. The big baby wouldn’t have lasted the first training session before needing a safe space and some counselling.

Nominated by One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Cunt

Then again by Bertram Cuntatious DCO

An enormous overpaid cunting to Granit Xhaka. I’ve never heard of this cunt either. I spotted a headline of the BBC sports page and this snowflake fucker is to be offered counselling by Arsenal FC. Apparently he was booed off the pitch by home ‘fans’ and this has affected the poor little baby’s sensibilities. I looked him up, he’s a 27 year old Swiss and Arsenal pay him, wait for it….£5.2m per year. Fuck off you spoilt brat, I cannot even conceive ‘earning’ that amount so stop blubbering and get on with it, if not just fuck off back to the fucking Alps you bell-end. I can’t imagine Norman Hunter ever weeping into his cornflakes.