Rick Stein – what a cunty cook he is. Farcical presenter so far up his own arse that he can’t breathe.

Flies all over the world, eats local food and then flies home again to recreate a dish made up by himself – WTF is that all about? He has so many branded restaurants, hotels and cooking schools it’s impossible to get away from the cunt if you’re anywhere in the South West. All he can cook is fucking fish which isn’t exactly hard. How the fuck the cunt finds enough fresh fish to supply all these outlets is beyond me. The Marlborough one is about as far from the sea as it’s possible to get, so that’ll all be frozen cuntfish in there.

Get his fishy cunt face off my radar please. He’s destined to go the same way as Jammy Oliver, another so-called celebrity cook cunt who walked away after milking everyone.

Nominated by Gunshot

The RBL post is boiling my piss!

Veterans that means people who served HM forces just say yes below.

I propose a hit-and-run cunting for stupid car names. A bit ‘niche’ perhaps, and not a burning subject of our times, but for some reason they just piss me off. Plus I need a break from having a go at Remoaners and various other anti-social cunts.

Back in maaaah day, us motors ‘ad proper, no nonsense names like the Datsun ‘Boring’ or the Fiat ‘Ruster’. Even now, there are plenty of makes about whose names generate a sense of empathy and identity with the model, such as ‘Golf’, ‘Civic’ and ‘Ibiza’. Yet as time has passed, manufacturers have been unable to resist the lure of giving stupid, wanky names to their cars in an attempt to make them seem more individualistic. The marketing suits have taken over, and image is king.

As I’ve observed this phenomenon over time, I detect the development of two distinct trends for those vehicles aimed at the mass market. What do you do if you’re punting a tiny, nought to sixty in fifteen minutes box on wheels? You can hardly hope to sprinkle it with Bondesque allure, so you go for the quirky, trendy, cute angle. Hence the Chevrolet ‘Sparkle’, the Daihatsu ‘Naked’ or the Mitsubishi ‘Winky’; and let’s not forget the latter’s ill-fated ‘Lettuce’. Then if you want to conjure up a grittier, more dashing image for your bog standard saloon, you try to add a bit of edge by sticking another word onto the name, such as the ‘Dart Swinger’, the ‘Cavalier Commander’, or the ‘Fiesta Flame’. For an extra touch of sophistication, put in a letter ‘q’ without a ‘u’ somewhere, as in ‘Qashqai’ and ‘Ioniq’. Developing this theme of the meaningless but esoteric, you can come up with names like ‘Captur’ and ‘Kadjar’. Wow I’m overwhelmed. Got to get me one of them Kadjars. Renault’s an iconic marque if ever there was one.

Then to anyone who really wants to add yet more ‘devil may care’ to their image, I’d say, why not throw caution to the wind and bolt a caravan onto the back of your Satsuma ‘ShitZsu’? There are some really sexy beasts out there, such as the ‘Meteor’, the ‘Conqueror’, and my own personal favourite, the ‘Marauder’.

Ironically, I’d bet that car manufacturers pay a king’s ransom to marketing twats, only for them to come up with ludicrously naff names. I can offer a couple here and now off the top of my head. How about the Audi ‘Rsoul’ for example, or the Mercedes ‘Wankar’? You can have those on the house boys. Sorry BMW, but I’ve already trademarked the ‘Kuntr’, but I’m sure that we could come up with a mutually acceptable financial agreement.

Contact me through IsAC. I’ll be waiting for your call.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Here’s one I never thought I would have to do. The Royal British Legion, or rather, those at the head of the RBL. It’s been announced today that the RBL is closing the four hotels it runs. The clown they just had on North West Tonight, who had obviously never served a day in his life, said it was to help veterans in other areas. A few weeks back though, the excuse was that the four hotels cost £6.5 million per year each to run and the RBL had a deficit of £40 million. However, it’s been revealed that the RBL has somewhere around £270 million sitting in the bank. This thing with the hotels goes back to November last year, and when I asked a guy manning a RBL stall in my local shopping mall, he got shirty and told me that it was only temporary. He then snottily asked if I’d ever served (I was wearing a hoodie that had “Royal Artillery Commando, with a red commando dagger beneath it). I was also wearing my HM Armed Forces badge. Of course I replied that I’d served for over twenty years. I later asked an RBL outreach worker I know, and she told me what was confirmed tonight, that the closures were permanent. So much for the lying cunt at the stall. And think on this, most of the staff at the hotels were volunteers. Some of them had been there years, and now they’re out of a job. And I would point out that I am in no way having a go at ordinary employees.

And the hotels aren’t the only thing the RBL are getting rid of. They’ve also gotten rid of their team of handymen, who were all veterans themselves. Those men did a brilliant job, for free, and now they’re unemployed. Of course, that hasn’t been widely mentioned. The fact is, those hotels provided a welcome break for veterans and their families, who might not necessarily be able to take breaks. More importantly, we were among people we could relate to more easily, other veterans. And in the summer, they opened to serving personnel and their families. Not anymore. Now the RBL has taken that away from us.

It seems to me that the RBL, which was once run by people who had served, has now gone the way of charities like Save the Children, the British Heart Foundation, Water Aid, etc and has been taken over by a bunch of arrogant, clueless pricks, who’ve never served a day in their lives, and whose sole aim is to make money. Well, not from me. Apart from buying a poppy come Remembrance day, they won’t get a single penny out of me. I’ve cancelled my direct debit. And I’m not the only one.

It’s a real shame, because the Legion has done a lot for me, and other veterans over the years. Unfortunately, the upper echelons have now been infested with the kind of middle class, elitist, know better than you types that infest other charities. Those people are cunts.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw