Selfish Parking Cunts

I’m a cunt who pays £55 a year for a Parking Permit but can’t get parked on my own road.

Cunts who won’t park up to the next car. Cunts who take up three parking spaces with one car. Council cunts who don’t enforce the Parking Permits but are happy to take my £55 a year.

Not the most exciting nomination I grant you, but it boils my fucking piss to the max.

Nominated by Bob Frapples

Yorkshire Teabaggers

Mark Twain once observed that, “Truth is stranger than fiction”. Anyone witnessing the recent Twatterstorm surrounding Rishi Sunak and Yorkshire Tea, could not fail to agree.

For those who might have missed this farce, the newly appointed Chancellor of the Exchequer posted a picture of himself, indicating that he was taking time off from budget preparations to brew some tea. Prominently on display in the picture was a large bag of Yorkshire Tea. “Nothing like a good Yorkshire brew!” said Sunak, the MP for Richmond in North Yorkshire.

Sadly, but predictably, loonies of the Owen Jones Persuasion promptly began to bombard the company’s account, protesting at the alignment of its product with the vile Tory Sunak and his hated party. Others called for the organisation of a boycott of Yorkshire Tea, completely ignoring the blindingly obviously fact (as reiterated by the company) that the manufacturers were not involved in any way in the creation of this most innocuous photograph.

This stuff is pure comedy gold; you really couldn’t make it up. Twatter isn’t the real world of course, but then the real world is not a place that these barking mad “teabaggers” have much familiarity with. Hounding people and trying to shout down those with whom you disagree is a surefire sign that you’ve lost the argument.

Raging at a teabag is a surefire sign that you’ve lost the bloody plot.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Unnamed Cunt Teacher

The Cuntiest Teacher in the World:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/family/teacher-shouldnt-around-children-comment-21597640

If we ran a Cunt of the Month award, this detestable piece of insect excrement is a shoo in. A wee 5-year old, daughter to a single father, got into trouble with this utter cunt of a teacher for making her Mother’s Day card out to daddy, having never known her mum. This fucking bitch even brought the issue up with the girls Father, complaining he was at fault for encouraging the 5-year old to ‘do things wrong’.

Now I’m not always the most sensitive person to others feelings, and am also a bit literal sometimes, but this harridan is off the fucking chart. Fathers/Mothers Days are a difficult time for children with single, or even no parents. They feel left out and are reminded of that empty space at home. It’s particularly hard for little girls without mothers, I imagine, as it’s more unusual. How revoltingly hard, how mechanical, how inhumanly insensitive! What kind of an unloved, damaged life must this ogress have suffered to inflict such a sadistic emotional assault on a child whose dad is also her mother figure?

There’s a very special place in hell for this reptilian lowlife. As others have said, she simply should not be anywhere near children.

Nominated by The Confession of Rev. Shagga

Joe Swash (2)

A nomination is for this oxygen thief that hasn’t been nominated on here for 8 years …. 8 years, FFS! We’ve surely been missing a massive opportunity here!

He’s probably about to win that poncy “Dancing on Ice” farce on ITV, only because of his fan base from “EastBenders”, etc, etc, rather than his skating prowess. How the fuck do TV producers continue to pay this irritating, talentless, ginger twat to appear on prime time TV, really beats me.

Used to quite like the bint he shacked up with too, even though she too was from the County of Essex, from where lots of folk now seem to think they have a right to celebrity status for doing fuck all!

Nominated by knobrot

The Stock Market

A short, but solid cunting for the financial wizards without whom everyone would probably have more fulfilled and purposeful lives. This is provoked by the news that global stocks and shares have started heading south in a fairly big way, in anticipation of the CD19 epidemic, coming soon to a tourist near you.

It seems that the big and important global organisations, specialising in the acquisition of money by virtue of having lots of money to gamble with, are selling their shares because they fear the negative economic consequences of coronavirus. Thus, and as night follows day, instantly creating those same negative economic consequences.

Still, there’s an opportunity to get in on the bottom of the market, howl for State aid (funny how aid in global crises comes from national taxpayers, not from anything global, innit?) and be at the top of the next Ponzi pyramid.

Shorting pharmaceuticals, buying whoopee cushions….see ya, suckers!

Nominated by Komodo