I nominate Celebrity Cunts apologising for impersonating an ethnic cunt.

The latest are fuckin Ant and Dec two prize wankers apologising for something they did years ago. We’ve also have fuckin Keith Lemon or whatever his real fuckin name is. For fuck sake why is it these twats feel the need to apologise, it’s not guilt, it’s being seen to tow the line, escape the barrage of shit from the left wing media, or try to preserve their career.

When I can eventually go on holiday to foreign parts I’ll make sure I stay in the shade so I don’t get a dark tan as I may be accused of impersonating an ethnic and be classed as a racist and have to offer a public apology. By the way when is the black Lenny Henry going to apologise for taking the piss out of and impersonating white David Bellamy.

Nominated by: DLP

We all deserve to die

I’m sick of being white, soon as you’re born you are a racist, you’re burdened by white privilege. Being white you’re responsible for every slave sold to your white forefathers (even though your forefathers owned pretty much just the clothes they toiled in). If I was black no cunt would be on my back even if my family were in the slave trade, rounding up other blacks and selling them to white racists.

I’m sick of being accountable for my own actions, I’m sick of being accountable for every white person that ever lived.

If I was black I could write shit music or shit poetry and all the white cunts would love me. If I was black I could be a criminal and get a state funeral when I died maybe?

If I was black I could riot and be called a hero, I could loot and white cunts would post on Twitter defending me, saying I was just taking back from the masters. If I was black loads of silly white cunts would protest for my rights to be greater than theirs.

If I was black I’d be in for a share of the 4 trillion worth of repatriations BLM are demanding.

Fuck me, white supremacy isn’t the crack I’d been led to believe. If I was black the police would be wary of stopping me going about my lawful or erm yes business.

Hey ho, I was born a white devil and I’ll die a white devil.

White cunts no matter

Nominated by Sixdog Vomit

Tis a coming…

After all, it is the logical conclusion to the madness which has gripped this and other countries. Whitey is being coerced into taking the knee, to feel that we are ALL responsible for what happened to the newly sainted George of Minessota USA.

Well, personally I do not feel guilty. I have never done anything to supress a black person. Slavery was abolished 200 years ago by a Brit. Less than 120 years ago members of many of our families were in service to the upper classes. Made to work six and a half days a week, paid a pittance and treated very much like a slave. They were exploited. Do we bang on about this every day, demanding recompense and revenge? No, because life and society had evolved. There are still inequalities, poor working class white boys get a raw deal. Who speaks up for them? Nobody.

Some ex army lads I know are off to defend the monuments in London this weekend because they are patriotic and proud and realise that without the likes of Churchill there would be no democracy. And without it where would the BLM and their cohorts be? I think we know. Under the nazi heel or under the ground.

Nominated by Lord Helpuss

A now then, now then cunting for..

Covid 19 modelling policy

MY late mother, rather gloomily, once told me that death was the ‘perfect statistic’: it came to us all and was completely unambiguous. You were dead or you weren’t. (The only known modern exception to this rule is Theresa May.)

Covid-19 proved my mother wrong. Death, unambiguous, final death, has unsurprisingly become the salient statistic by which the success or otherwise of Covid-19 policy is measured. It is nonetheless disastrous that it is so.

By themselves, recorded deaths are data, not information, information being data with value. When starting out on modelling anything, you first have to ask yourself what is the ‘value’ of this data? What information I am trying ultimately to glean from it? That may sound ridiculously obvious, but I can assure you that both what the data actually measures, and what value you wish to extract from it, are very often simply assumed. Even having decided these questions, before modelling can begin you must know whether the dataset you have collected is up to scratch. How complete is it? Has it got missing values? Are there intrinsic biases? If so, can they reasonably be corrected?

After all the brouhaha of the past few weeks, this vital truth has been missed: Professor Ferguson has rightly got a kicking for his execrable coding standards and the uncertainties it has introduced into his modelling, but the fact remains that the model was modelling the wrong thing.

At the risk of sounding callous, the fact that someone died while infected with coronavirus is not particular useful: much more informative is did they die with coronavirus, or from coronavirus? The distinction plainly matters enormously, and the failure of the government to make it, as well as the irresponsibility of the media, means our economy will now almost certainly undergo the worst recession for 300 years.

Let’s assume in some better parallel universe that the government did avoid disaster by conveying the truth that coronavirus is not a grave threat to the young and healthy; even then, our work is not done. Is public policy really to be oriented towards stopping people dying? No, afraid not. Death is certain one day. What we should really be trying to minimise is life shortening, and when we view coronavirus policy in such a light the glaring holes appear: most of those who die with it – though by no means all – appear to be frail and in their twilight years. However, there have been frightening reports of a surge of non-Covid-related excess deaths during the lockdown period, plus a huge drop in cancer screening, no doubt eventually costing thousands of lives. Were these non-Covid and Covid-related cohorts medically and demographically different? Can they be modelled? Is the continuing lockdown, never mind the huge recession to follow, therefore going to lead to more aggregate life-shortening than ending it now would?

Whether or not lockdown was justified originally, it is surely crucial to ask these questions now. However, I fear that we will not do so: in our rich and plentiful lives, death is regarded not as an inevitability but as a scandal. That does not, of course, absolve politicians from treating us like adults and levelling with us about the hard choices that must be made. Nor, I am afraid, does it absolve the even more appalling performance of the Church, which for once had a crucial role to play in comforting the population and preparing them to face these intensely painful realities, but instead opted to excommunicate itself from the British people.

Of course, there are even larger and better philosophical questions concerning lockdown, some even more important than individual life and death: the long-term effect on freedom, state power and our culture, quality of life for example, and so on. However, even in the relatively narrow confines of modelling we are failing: the most sophisticated, most brilliantly coded models, fed with tip-top quality data, are worthless if the question  you ask is wrong.

Nominated by Simmy Javile