Emergency cunting…(Is it though? Oh go on then – NA)

The identity racists on Twitter have gone into meltdown over Israeli actress Gal Gadot playing Cleopatra in a new fillum. Some loud mouthed know-nothings are demanding the part should have gone to an Arab or black actress. Jesus wept.

Here’s some facts…

1/ Cleopatra was the last in the line of the Ptolemaic dynasty who had ruled Egypt since the late fourth century BC after Ptolemy Soter, one of Alexander the Great’s generals, seized power there after Alexander’s death. She was of Greek- Macedonian descent, she was neither African nor Arab.

2/ Egypt was not conquered by Arabs until the 630s AD. Cleopatra died in 30BC. Interesting that those who denounce the USA or Australia as ‘settler-colonialist’ states don’t apply this logic to Egypt. The actual descendants of the Ancient Egyptians are the Copts who make up about 10% of the current population.

3/ Egypt did have black African pharaohs – from Nubia (modern Sudan). Just look at the faces on some of the monuments. Cleopatra was not one of them.

4/ My favourite historically illiterate tweet came from the person who said Cleopatra was born in Alexandria and Alexandria is in Egypt so she was Egyptian. Fuck me sideways. The official name of Alexandria (one of about fifty cities of that name founded by the great king) was Alexandria-By-Egypt not ‘in Egypt.’ Well into the first century AD, Alexandria had a Greek/Jewish population – there were regular riots between the two communities that led to interventions by various Roman emperors.

Learn some fucking history you twats.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt

People, the common masses, poltroons in general are cunts….I will elaborate with a few examples for your edification.

People who jump red lights.

People who pull out in front of me and then immediately turn right.

People who queue outside dirty old chip shops to get their fill of chip lard.

People who queue onto and block the road so they can get McDonalds trash food.

People who pay £75 per month for a mobile phone.

People who take a massive trolley full of junk through the basket only line.

People who wear masks on the street and alone in cars…you’re only going to smell your own farts in there.

Old cunts driving at 7am in the morning to nowhere, joggers, Tailgaters,
temporary traffic light operatives, puffed up “essential workers” etc etc

You are all indeed a cunt if you are mentioned. II have missed anyone, sorry but you’re a cunt too.

Nominated by: Spanky Mc Spank

An icing sugar and self raising cunting please for this hoity-toity, up her own decrepit arse old tart, who, because she became a “national treasure” for making a few French fancies on the telly is going to be awarded a damehood for her trouble:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8802613/Mary-Berry-dame-Queens-Birthday-Honours-list.html

Fuck me sideways with Jess Phillips mammoth strap-on. and no lube – why?. The silly old cow does what she is paid to do on some low rent TV shows for middle class wimmin and poofters on the telly. She hasn’t discovered a vaccine for Covid19, she has just tarted up a lemon drizzle cake (the drizzle probably provided with her own piss).

There are far too many of these self regarding old bags with a plum in their mouth and a condescending attitude getting silly titles. (Jenni Murray, Baroness Scotland for example) come to mind. This can only encourage other self satisfied old matrons like Eddie Izzard to try for a title. The honours system really needs winding up for useless cunts like these. Fuck em.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

I once saw a bit of graffiti scrawled on a bog wall which read ‘women’s logic is like a stick with three ends’. It’s an observation that I’ve found increasingly difficult to challenge over the years.

Now Mrs K is the absolute light of my life. She’s smart, sassy, kind and caring, and an absolute honey. But Christ, the logic of her ‘logic’ can take a bit of keeping up with. It’s as though she goes from ‘a’ to ‘e’ without the benefits of points ‘b’, ‘c’ and ‘d’ in between; an ‘I went to the shops to buy a blouse, but I saw some shoes so I bought a hairdryer’ sort of thing.

Take yesterday. She was off to the salon to get her hair, eyebrows and nails done. ‘I’ll be some time’ she trills (no shit Sherlock), ‘as I’m going to Morrison’s as well to get some gluten free bread’. ‘You look lovely, my sweet’ says I, when she duly returns (flattery can get you anywhere). ‘I’ll make sandwiches for lunch’. ‘Oh, I got a couple of bottles of almond liqueur and some gin at the shop’, she replies, ‘but I didn’t get any bread. They wanted £3.50 for it, and it’s only £2.70 in Asda. I’m not giving the bloody robdogs that for it, so I’ll just have crackers’.

‘Hang on’ says I, baffled. ‘You’ve just spent over a hundred notes at the salon, not to mention the money on the booze, but you’ve denied yourself some bread for 80 pence? What kind of logic is that? I’ll never understand how women think’. ‘Humph’, she snorts, that flinty Scots gleam in her eye, ‘well, I’ll remind you of those words the next time you’re pulling my pants down’.

I mean, huh? Wtf? I quickly fathomed that this was going to be one of those ‘men are from Mars, women are from Venus’ exchanges that go absolutely nowhere, so I retreated to the kitchen to make the lunch.

So is this an obtuse tactic that women deliberately deploy to keep us off balance, or are the little darlings actually just daft as a fucking brush? Buggered if I know.

Nominated by: Ron Knee