Having just completed another year of marriage I think that it’s now the time to pass on my guide to a successful relationship.

Too many marriages fail due to the gentleman not setting out clear boundaries.

Here are my tips, the result of 37 year’s of experience.

Have your own sporting interests.
It’s important that you don’t share your enthusiasm about a particular sport with your wife.

Golf is a good sport.
It gives you the opportunity to get away from the house for many hours.
You can also go on golfing weekends and extended holidays by yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you have never held a golf club or have any intention of doing so.
Buy a cheap set of clubs from any second hand store and keep them somewhere near the front door.
Even if it’s night time, you can get out of the house and down the pub with the excuse that you are going ‘down the range’ to practice.

If your wife starts showing any interest in your chosen sport she must be ridiculed.
You cannot risk that she may want to join you.

Occasionally do un-manly chores.
Unfortunately these will include cooking, ironing, washing up and perhaps cleaning.

It’s vital that your wife shouldn’t feel needed.
By your actions you are making it perfectly clear that she is merely tolerated.

If you have your own, private space. A shed for instance, then buy posters of pretty, slim girls and pin them to the walls.
If you are limited to space then use cut outs from gentlemen’s magazines.
At the very least have an attractive young lady as your mobile phone wallpaper.
This will encourage your wife to be more careful with her own appearance.

I could go on, but that would make an already long nom even longer.

I am sure that you can add to this list……

Nominated by The Artful Cunter.

It could hardly be imagined by imagined by Mr. Humphries, who was always free or Larry Grayson – and God know what Slack Alice and Apricot Lil would have made of it, but it seems the editors of “Pink Paper” for homosexualists and cabinet ministers everywhere (Rodders has presented an award for them), Mr. Cohen and Dr.James have allegedly been taking employers rights to their limits, and the good doctor has been examining patients, who don’t want to examined, and aren’t even patients anyway:

The BBC have been investigating and turned on their own. Of course it could be that young Tristram and young Gaylord misunderstood these editors and it was their time of the month, but you have to wonder with papers like The Guardian, The Observer and the great organ of the BBC why do they actually need a “Pink” paper?

I think these two men need a tap on the botty, duckies.

bbcnews

Nominated by W C Boggs.

is a monumental cunt.

From The Independent…

‘Marcus Rashford’s love affair with Manchester United is coming to a sad, mysterious end.’

What love affair? I have hated the little cunt since 2020, when he decided he couldn’t be arsed. Also, his Chicken Floyd George fist saluting and bum lickig made me hate him even more.

We should still be reveling in the win at City, but – as usual – Rashford has made it all about him. With his whining about wanting a new challenge. Getting that lazy shiftless black arse to do a 90 minute shift on the pitch.Now, that would be a fucking challenge. Also, nothing to do with the little cunt being dropped for the Derby, I suppose? If he thinks his media blubbering will make longstanding United supporters say ‘Please don’t go’ then he’ll have a long bloody wait.

New challenge, eh? He’d better fuck off then.

And, for those who still have doubts about Rashford’s cunt credentials. Here he is, a couple of days after our thrashing from Spurs, swanning about New York like some two bit pimp treeswinger gangster.

C.U.N.T

X twitter

Nominated by Norman.

What a bunch of arseholes YouTube are. In their attempt to clean up the site and make it all wokey-friendly, they banned one of my videos for contravening their policy on “violent or graphic content”

Here’s a link to the original post I put on my blog.

dioclese

It relates to a group called 10:10. remember them? No, me neither.

Take a look at the date on the post. Yes. that’s right – after 14 years, 2 months and 5 days YouTube have decided that my piss taking video contravenes their policies.

Good to see they are right on top of things…

Nominated by Dioclese.

is a right cunt.

“Good afternoon and compliments of the season to you all. This is your Prime Minister speaking, delivering my first, and I’m sure eagerly awaited, Christmas message to the nation.

I want to begin by stating that my first few months as PM have proven to be unexpectedly difficult and stressful. Hard decisions have been forced on us by the burden of government.

We’ve been unjustly accused of breaking a number of commitments and promises made in the months leading up to the general election in July. We said we wouldn’t raise the tax burden, or do away with the winter fuel allowance. We’ve now rejected compensation for WASPI women, while supporting their claim when in opposition. We said we’d cut energy bills, smash the migrant smugglers, and protect farmers and family businesses regarding the inheritance tax burden. We said we’d abolish student fees, and instead, we’ve hiked them.

I assure you that being unable to fulfil these undertakings has hurt us far more than it’s hurt you. You must understand that this is solely due to the dastardly actions of Rishi Sunak and his bunch of crooks, who completely hid a £22 billion ‘black hole’ in the public finances from us. We were all taken totally by surprise, and the responsibility for this state of affairs has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with me, Rachel Reeves, or anybody else in the government.

Furthermore let me state categorically that there is no truth whatsoever in vicious rumours that my government is about to betray our fishermen in a ‘sell out’ deal with the EU, or that we plan to ‘unwind’ Brexit by cosing up to Brussels in a series of ‘arrangements’ on the likes of freedom of movement. I will add however that we are considering a *a-hem* ‘reset’ in our relations with the EU in the New Year.

Now cynics may accuse us of lying and hypocrisy, but my response to you is this. You can trust us to be frank, honest and open with you in these difficult times for the nation. Rest assured that above all, our stewardship of the public purse will be in the wider, best interests of the nation. At the same time, we have to think of others, and not just ourselves, and that is why we will be sending billions of your hard-earned money abroad to spend on such worthy projects as ‘net zero’ initiatives in Africa, and aid packages to the likes of Syria. And if our own pensioners and homeless veterans have to make sacrifices so that we can hand out cash to ensure that thousands of illegal immigrants can be kept warm and well fed, then I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s a sacrifice worth making.

So, having reassured you all that you can place your trust in the honesty, integrity and competence of my government in the coming year, all that remains for me to do is to wish all of you a safe, warm and well fed Christmas and New Year. Remember, you can count on Labour to hold your future and that of your loved ones in safe hands! Happy holiday everyone!”.

Sky news

Nominated by Ron Knee.