Today`s Sweets` (Candies`) Woke Manufacturers … Are CUNTS.
Facts About Sweets.
There was a time, many years ago, when all was lovely and innocent in the world. Way back then, you could buy sweeties/candies which were bursting with sugar, e-numbers, chemicals and various other artificial and probably carcinogenic additives.
And they tasted fucking wonderful.😛
But now they aren’t allowed to put in anything that is not natural. They have to make fruity sweeties out of real fruit juice. They can`t use chemical dyes to coat the shiny shells of delicate confections so that would glow in the dark like they used to; a little bit uranium-enriched industrial colouring didn`t do us any harm.
Anyone remember the pink Tooty-Frooty®? Bearing no resemblance whatsoever to any actual fruit, it was the tastiest flavour in the packet.
Of course, others have been banned outright: All the cigarette/tobacco-type confections, naturally. So now they just flog vapes to the toddlers instead – much healthier and with more profit.
Gobstoppers: So fucking big you could barely fit one in your mouth – and you couldn`t crunch the bastards either so you had to suck them for days until they attained the perfect choking radius. Far too dangerous for today’s brats, you see.
Bitter lemon boiled sweets made with sulphuric acid so strong they would dissolve the lining of your mouth – and take a couple of teeth with them during the crunching stage.
Toffees so chewy and claggy that they used to extract your fillings.
All gone.
So nowadays what we`ve got is insipid nodules of blandness, in environmentally-friendly wrappers, obviously.
And they`re smaller, for twice the price.
I can`t tell you the amount of pleasure I used to get from an original sized Mars Bar®. Now it`s just a `finger of Fudge®`. They tasted OK too.
Cunts.
Nominated by : Sam Beau