Fridgescaping.

This nom will be of no help to cunters who, in the pursuit of whatever dubious thrills, have become locked inside a refrigerator. No, here is a matter of serious concern, a hideous new trend of which we should all take heed. Born of the mindset which lines its yard with gnomes, fairy lights, immense plastic butterflies or cement casts of the Buddha, this deviation (we may reasonably surmise) is the product of the broody or nesting female of the species. For whom the stark austerity of chilled groceries on shelves is too much to bear. And who, having duly decorated this purely functional space with knickknacks and objets de tat, will inevitably demand from the breadwinner, ever-larger refrigerators to accommodate her perversion…

CNN Link

Nominated by: Komodo

Pissheads

The wife and I parked up at our local supermarket yesterday and on heading for the entrance, were confronted by an all too common sight these days; the pisshead.

There he was, sprawled against the wall, manky from head to foot; and having spent his hard-earned benefits on large bottles of cider and cans of lager, going off on one at customers going in and out of the store.

‘Wassa lookin’ a’ yer fuckers’ he ranted at us, ‘ bassas fuck off the lorra ya’ etc. I swear that it was just like seeing the legendary ‘Brown Bottle’ brought to life in front of our eyes;

Flickr Link

We came out about half an hour later and he was still sprawled out, only now he’d pissed himself and was sitting in an expanding pool while two scuffers and a store security guard tried to get some sense out of him.

Now don’t get me wrong; I like a drink, but bloody Nora. This cunt was making a public spectacle of himself where he could be seen by youngsters as well as everybody else. Part of me had a little bit of sympathy for someone reduced to that state, but then you could argue that he’d brought it on himself.

I know it’s commonplace for people to think that being drunk is funny, but all too often drunks are antisocial (see any town centre on Saturday night), sometimes plain nasty, and worst of all, dangerous. As I said, I like a drink, but pissheads can get to fuck.

Daily Mail Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

is a cunt

Sorry, it’s bollocks. I’m practicing it at the moment and on so many clips, you get penalised for clicking early. If the goal of the theory test is to make the roads safer, why on earth are we encouraged to only click when a hazard is developing instead of when we first see the potential for it?

All this crap does is promote reactive as opposed to proactive driving.

reddit.com

Nominated by Opinionated Cunt.

is a cunt

The Red Princess
Holidays in Ibeeza.
Or, Gobshite goes Abroad.

Phone rings…

Angie: Hi Donnah, it’s Angeh ‘ere.
How about we book a girls trip to Ibeeza – we’ll ‘av a right larrf.

Donna: Oh that’s a great idea Angeh.
We could relive our yoof and weren’t it Ibeeza where we all conceived our kids, ya know wiv them lads we met?

Angie: Yeah that’s right I remember now. We were all council estate gals then weren’t we?

Donna: OK, I’ll get on to Wendah and Salleh they’ll be mad for it. But wait a minute, wouldn’t it look a bit bad you ‘aving a late summer break an’ disco dancin’ an’ all that when your lot ‘av condemned millions of old age pensioners to a cold miserable winter?

Angie: Nah that’s just politics. I’m exhausted after a few weeks in government and need some fun. I’ll dress very subtly in me red dress so ‘ardly anyone will notice.

Donna: OK then luv, see you at manchestar airport, make sure you’re all tanked up for the flight.

Angie: You bet darlin’. An’ by the way I’ve got some Oasis tickets for next year!!! Only paid 300 knicker each.

Donna: But isn’t that the amount of the winter fuel allowance?

Angie: So wot kid it’s only moneh! I’m on 150 grand a year now. Mad for it!

Sky news

Nominated by Lord Helpus.