Domino’s Pizza

Domino’s are cunts. Last night I ordered in from them and told them I wanted my order as soon as possible, and not only did they take over three quarters of an hour to deliver the food (which was quite cold when it arrived) but the delivery driver forgot the drinks, which then took another 45 minutes or so to come via a different delivery driver.

Furthermore, when I phoned up to complain about how long the drinks were taking the woman at the other end hung up before I had a chance to really lay into the company like I wanted to. Fuck off Domino’s you fucking cunts.

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt

MOJO Magazine

MOJO Magazine are cunts…

Known for years as ‘The Muso’s (ie:knobhead’s) choice’ and a ‘serious’ music publication, these cunts have now plunged new depths… Aside from championing tuneless crap like Jack White and Lana Del Cunt, the fannies at MOJO Towers are now kissing the arse of -wait for it -Yoko Ono….

As some may know, a 50th anniversary reissue of the Beatles’ ‘White Album’ is imminent… And MOJO have dedicated their latest issue to it… Macca gets asked about half a dozen questions, reissue specialist Giles Martin, and original engineers Chris Thomas and Ken Scott get a few words… But most of the article and praise goes to (as David Crosby would say) Yoko Fucking Ono! Not only do these cunts say that Ono ‘joined’ The Beatles (she fucking didn’t! She interfered with their work and their dynamic), they also wax lyrical about Yoko’s ‘positive effect on The Beatles’… Positive effect?!! Like breaking up the Lennon & McCartney partnership, turning Lennon into a heroin addled pussywhipped cunt? Antagonising George Harrison and George Martin, freezing Lennon’s (ex) wife and son out of the Beatles’ orbit, and engineering the appointment of Allen Klein as Apple manager? That positive effect? MOJO are elevating a talentless and manipulative groupie to legendary band member status…. Almost anyone who has come across Ono (Harrison,McCartney, Crosby, May Pang, Cynthia Lennon, Jack Douglas, Andy Peebles, Julian Lennon) all have said that she is a cunt… But, for some strange reason, the cunts at MOJO think otherwise… In this age of Femstapo revisionism and PC madness, Yoko Fucking Ono will be officially seen as a bona fide Beatle in future tellings of their ‘history’ and cunts like MOJO will be to blame for that… Fuck off!

Nominated by Norman

“Best ever”

Best ever cunts are…. well… cunts….
I refer to the sort of millennial spunk dribble who always refers to some modern shit as the ‘best ever’… Examples include: Lionel Messi is the greatest player ever (when he fucking isn’t), Benderbert Cuntberdinck is the best Sherlock Holmes ever (bollocks), Jennifer Lawrence is the sexiest woman ever (ever seen the young Liz Taylor or Anita Ekberg, you cunts?), Ed Sheercunt is the best ever songwriter (oh, my fucking sides), some childish name calling by a cunt like JK Rowling is viewed as ‘the best put down ever’ (do fuck off), and now it’s Jodie Whittaker is the best Doctor Who ever… What?! After three fucking episodes?! Fuck right off! She’s the best looking one, sure, but that’s it….These ignorant cunts have no sense, knowledge, or regard for history and true greatness… Anyone who thinks that walrus with lipstick, Adele, is the best singer ever or that Mrs Brown’s Cunts is the funniest show ever needs shooting… Moronic millennial cunts….

Nominated by Norman

Social Media Mums

What is it about these daft bints with their fucking hashtags and their holier than thou attitude? If it’s not the fact their kids are the best at everything (until they fail their exams or their school team gets beat and then fuck all appears), then it’s their house is the best (at least Hyacinth Bucket/Bouquet was a pisstake), their cars are the best, their jobs are stressful, but fulfilling, their husband is the best and their family life something everyone should aspire to (even though both halves of the relationship are probably fucking someone else).

Their diet and fitness journey is rammed down your throat (Your PT costs a fortune but your still fat love, have a bag of chips instead of an avocado). And to cap it off, they share “inspirational quotes” on a Saturday night, which gives the game away; you ain’t got the slap on to take an airbrushed photo at a high angle to hide your double chin love.

You’re fat, middle aged, stuck at home watching celeb cunts dancing or snowflake cunts crying because 4 talentless wankers think they can’t sing. The hubby is fat and thinking you’re boring but he can’t get a younger model.

Get out and get a life, get a fucking off someone, get a hobby, but whatever you do, keep it to yourself you cunt.

Nominated by Cunt Nemesis

Druggies

I was in our local pharmacy earlier to get a prescription made up. Unfortunately I had to share the confined waiting space with a couple of totally wasted specimens who were in to get their methadone hits.

I’d say that the notion of applying some soap and water either to themselves or their manky clothes was utterly alien to either of them. Both smelled as though they’d just fallen off the back of a Council dustcart, but oddly, each had a very shiny and expensive looking smartphone. One was trying to put a date onto the calendar, and was relating the story to the other. It seems that ‘the cunts’ from the DHSS were due to pay him a visit concerning some disputed money to which he was ‘fucking well entitled to’.

Entitled my arse. It’s a fair bet that neither of these useless scratters has ever made a single meaningful contribution to society in their miserable lives, or ever will. It will always be ‘take’ as far as they’re concerned, and guess who’ll be picking up the tab?

I would not cross the road to piss on either of these cunts if they were on fire. That would just take the pleasure out of a good piss.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Dope smokers are cunts.

Goddammit, I never thought I’d think this way, as cannabis is a rather pleasant recreational drug. Unfortunately, 99.9999% of the people who use this drug are workshy motherfuckers who use it as an excuse to marinade in their own filth whilst doing nothing more creative and “out there” than watching fucking TV or playing games consoles.

I’ve enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong. It’s fun. But like most fun past times, there’s a time and a place. On the tab of the taxpayer is not the place. Every waking minute is not the time.
So like it or not, western civilisation is changing it’s attitude and the process of legalisation is well underway. For years dope smokers have wished for this, their every effort hampered by old school lawmakers and well meant but utterly idiotic celebrity representation (like george micheal the chump). Who knew all we’d need is a few sick kids?

Before you know it, most of the country will quite legally be on their lazy fat arses. All the billions in tax will pay for it all. Of course, at first it will all be “medicinal” and therefore thoroughly acceptable.

No-one seems to consider that we’re a country of self obsessed fuckwitted idiots already and giving us dope will exacerbate the situation. You think our country is full of cunts already? You think we’re lazy now? Worried about ruskies, the EU or islam walking all over us?

Just wait, duuuude, until we’re all chillin’. Just fucking wait indeed.

Nominated by Cuntflap