Youth offending service department-Hillingdon

Oh deary me what a bunch of cunts this group must be. They are so misguided that they thought that getting a load of dark keys, white wannabes and peacefuls together for a chat a cup of tea and a biscuit would solve the problem of knife crime in the London Borough of Hillingdon. Nope what actually happened is that the started stabbing each other at the meeting itself. Sadly some youngster lost their life. These self serving we can fix it groups are full of such misguided cunts it’s unreal.

I can see the YOSD committee now listening to David Lammy, Doreen and Flabott and blaming themselves ‘the average white man in the street’ for the F nick knife crime instead of telling them to fuck off

Nominated by Cuntsince1066

A cunting for what passes as government in this overcrowded isle. An aspiring rapper was attending a knife awareness course at Hillingdon councils town hall in Uxbridge youth offenders section most likely. Guess what he got shanked and died. Well loved , fell in with the wrong crowd, etc etc. No one was checked at entry to see if they were carrying knives, spears, axes whatever. Fuck me what is going on!!! Stabbed to death at a local authority knife awareness course tragic but shit I laughed so much I was almost sick. Paper stated he was of Dutch Origen most likely Somalie family refugees in Netherlands then moved to uk when the lure of better benefits called

Nominated by Black Biscuit

It’s not here yet, or shouldn’t be, but festive cheer is in the air…is it fuck.

I enjoyed a drizzling Saturday of 0.005% vol mulled wine at Winchester Cathedral Christmas market where I was kettled in a small square and forced to walk clockwise past sheds of shit (hand crafted and bespoke shit, I will have you know) with the odd festive temper flare up caused by the crush and demands of spouses. All in all it was arse. Coming home, I noticed that the family who celebrated Halloween a month in advance have erected a small Christmas tree on their front patch of mud. It has also been electrified to stop my dog pissing on it (cunts).

Why? Surely extending a one day holiday to over a month destroys the joy (or misery, whichever way you look at it).

I know for a fact that my Jolly Christmas is going to involve a slap up meal at an old people’s home with a number of people who have no idea who I am, or who they are, or what the whole thing is about. Then, just to spice things up, I will go over and visit my Mrs’s extended family and chat with the men (our only thing in common being the fact we have bollocks)

Oh shit. I will probably have a couple of old ladies with parrot-like tongues try and snog me too.

I am so looking forward to the coming shit fest and the disappointment of gifts that I neither want, or need (or can store) Oh yes, and buying presents. I have to buy for two teenagers…What the fuck can I get them? I am thinking butterfly knives or crossbows, but their parents and the Mrs will veto any such present.

Nominated by lord benny

A nomination for Joanne Smith, the head teacher at the Rudyard Kipling primary school in Brighton. She has banned children from playing ‘rough’ contact games.

Joanne Smith told pupils they had to play with ‘gentle hands’ – banning traditional games like ‘it’ or ‘British Bulldog.’

Instead, children are being encouraged to hold hands or clap with each other while in the playground. Mrs Smith wrote: ”To clarify, ‘Gentle Hands’ does not mean ”no touching.”
‘The children are of course allowed to hold hands or play clapping games with a friend should they wish to. Gentle Hands simply means playing games outside that do not need to be physical.This will ensure the playground is a happy, safe and calm place where everyone can enjoy their lunchtime running around and getting the exercise we know is important to them.’

One parent said ‘I’m going to teach my son about another game instead, that’ll really scare the snowflake headteacher – kiss-chase.’

Knowing that silly cunt head teacher, she’ll probably agree to that, but only same-sex kiss chase.

What a cunt, but are we surprised, given that Brighton is the fruit loop capital of the south? Expect this policy to be adopted by Islington very soon.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

BEATRICE BASS (WOULD BE M.P)

A sweet sickly Swinsonesque cunting please for this up-her-own-arse lass, who is upset that Brexit might spoil her skiing plans in January

The self-obsessed fuckwit, who has the same sort of shit eating smirk as her leader is obviously the role model of the modern MP – a complete shit-stain. I am sure she is pissing her Tena-ladies at the thought of all those lovely expense claims she will be able to put in – like so many others she doesn’t give a flying fuck about democracy or “the people” – it is just a nice easy well-paid job where she will be revered by the BBC and her pussy-whipped feminist male colleagues.

What a cunt!

Nominated by W. C. Boggs