Goodness me, the year’s rolled by quickly, and it seems that Haloween’s here again already. Well, Guy ‘Mr Pumpkin Head’ Verhofstadt has escaped from his carers once more, and is roaming around neighbourhoods scaring kids with his renewed calls for a ‘United States of Europe’.
Gormless Guy tweeted recently “Fifteen years ago, I wrote ‘The United States of Europe’, calling for a ‘Hamilton’ moment in politics so that Europe can finance itself properly and be more than the sum of its parts. Hopefully the Macron-Merkel proposal* will deliver this historic leap forward”.
Yes, the aesthetically challenged Mr V is up to his old tricks, fiddling while Madrid, Paris, Rome and elsewhere burn. It appears to have escaped his notice that, what with Brexit, Covid-19, a huge migrant crisis, an imminent economic collapse, ‘north v south’ infighting, the persistent growth of Euroscepticism and what-have-you, the EU is heading rapidly up Shit Creek without a paddle. Never mind though; in Pumpkin Head’s closed and deluded mind, there’s no problem that can’t be solved by more bureaucracy, less accountability, and greater centralisation and control. So bring on the United States of Europe, that great ‘historic leap forward’. Let’s just not bother asking the people of Europe whether that’s what they actually want.
He’s nothing if not tenacious, I’ll give him that, standing as he is pissing steadfastly into the wind, and getting showered by his own piddle. It’s getting harder by the day for the sad twat though. Who can take seriously an increasingly desperate-sounding zealot who also looks as if he lets his cleaner cut his hair and his gardener sort his teeth?
Ah hold on a sec, these two people in blue uniforms must be his carers. Come along now Guy, they’ll give you your Horlicks and your medication, read a chapter of your book to you, and get you ready for bed.

*the plan for a mega billion fund to mitigate against the financial effects of the C-19 pandemic.

Nominated by Ron Knee

ROBERT PESTON

Peston is basically what happens when you grant Royal status to the village idiot.
He’s a delusional left-wing half-wit. Forced to survive in the real world, he would have been exposed as a talentless and ideologically retarded annoyance that should and would be regarded with the upmost contempt.
Fortunately for him, Peston has found employment at the great British Broadcasting Corporation. Yes, the very same BBC that stands on a pedestal of liberal values, yet is more than happy to see vulnerable women thrown into a prison cell if they fail to pay the compulsory tax that funds them.
This arrogant, drooling fool is therefore wrapped in the bubble-wrap of unaccountable left-wing ideology. With his generous salary being forcibly extracted from the ignorant masses, he is free to unquestionably pursue his political agenda.
What a complete and utter CUNT.

Nominated by Gary Morris

That fucking Deliveroo Advert –
Boiling my piss alert, the Deliveroo advert.

I always mute adverts and flick through the channels. Must come by this fucking advert ten times a day, I can’t hear it but it still fucks me off. This and other adverts treating the Covid 19 shitfest like a four month holiday.

But what really, really gets on my tits is the half chat bird at the end of the Deliveroo advert dancing with her eyes closed with pouted lips. And bank, food and NHS adverts. Fuck off.

Nominated by Bob Frapples

The mouthy, fat lipped old cunt, famous for her expenses swindling has done a Russell-Moyle today by claiming Boris is sending her constituents “out to catch the virus”.:-

This Corbyn loving old slagbag is famous for her “emotional” outbursts. No doubt she is still pissed off by being the least successful of the would-be Labour leadership candidates, and she is still having a girly petulant strop, but why does she have to be as ugly as she is dishonest. The oversized old trollop almost makes Jess Phillips shagable. Would anyone be prepared to atick their tongue up her cavernous arsehole?

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Ok, I’m steering away from politicians, celebrities and other left wing filth for a change. Today, I’m nominating my mother’s ex-friend, who I shall refer to as ‘shitbag’. This may get a little long, so apologies mods. Shitbag is a hypocrite, petty, a know it all, controlling and, worst of all, the nosiest cunt in the history of curtain twitchers. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, escapes the gaze of this prod nose. Her house backs on to the street my mother lives on and every time a car or van she didn’t recognise drove on to it, my mother would get a text, “who’s that? Where are they going? What are they doing”? Honestly, that’s word for word.

Anyway, I’m nominating shitbag over the manner of their falling out, and the way shitbag has falsely tried to frame it as my mother’s fault. Shitbag has underlying health conditions, not least of which is COPD (which she seems to think is best treated with endless cigarettes). At the start of the shutdown, she received a letter from the government telling her to stay indoors. Being a control freak, in her mind this meant that EVERYONE over 70 with medical conditions i.e. my mother who has arthritis and other joint problems. And she became upset when my mother said, “forget that”, my medical conditions are mechanical. So she’s been going out three times a week. This prompted shitbag, to compose a text to her sister (shitbag’s sister) slagging off my mother, and me (more on that shortly). Unfortunately for shitbag, she’s not very bright, so she sent the text to my mother instead of her sister. My mother responded with a simple “Got the text you meant to send to your sister, I think it’s best if we don’t speak again. Ever”. Rather restrained I think.

I’m also in the firing line because for one thing, I’ve been going to my mother’s on a daily basis. So I’ve been getting slagged. What shitbag doesn’t know, is that I’m officially my mother’s carer, so I have a legitimate reason for going. My greatest offence though, is one that I’m not even guilty of. A few months back while my mother was out shopping one early Saturday, she called me and asked me to pick up something from her house that she’d forgotten. I duly obliged and as I was leaving the street, I saw shitbag stood at the bus stop and I waved. She waved back. A couple of hours later, mother got a phone call from shitbag demanding an apology from me for the unforgivable sin of not giving her a lift in return for a lift to hospital she gave me that was not asked for. There’s just one problem with that which she has either forgotten or is ignoring. Early last year, I took her up to Go Outdoors in Ancoats, Manchester because she wanted to buy a coat (we eventually left empty handed because she didn’t like any of the many women’s coats on sale). Now call me silly, but I’d say, that that outing, which was much further than the lift she gave me, more than returns the favour. But not in shitbag’s mind apparently. And she has been sulking over my not giving her a lift from that bust stop since fucking January.

Most people think shitbag has been studiously observing her government ordered isolation, but she hasn’t. I know, because I, my mother and others have seen her slinking out of her house early in the morning to go shopping, which makes her a fucking hypocrite. This hasn’t stopped her from slagging us off to mutual friends though, and trying to say that my mother misunderstood the text and threw a hissy fit. Unfortunately for shitbag, they already know the truth and have seen the text, so they know that it cannot possibly be misunderstood. But that’s how shit bag rolls, it’s always someone else’s fault. This woman is 74 years old, but acts like a five year old girl. With ADHD. And OCD. She is, to put it mildly, a cunt.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw