A Very High Frequency cunting for Commercial Radio Adverts please.

During these ‘strange times and new normal’ whatever the fuck that means, I find myself working from home and increasingly listening to the commercial wireless radiogram, a choice of channels from Planet Rock to Classic FM. Now a lot of these stations are part of the Global Group, an organisation almost as bad as our friends the BBC, but they are commercially funded, unlike the teletax funded robbing Beeb and so this means adverts. Three in particular that get played over and over again boil my piss. Usually every 20mins and syncrhronised across the network.

HSBC, ‘We are not an Island’ this pile of fuckwittery is voiced by Sandy Tokscunt, the horrid Scandinavian dyke Harradin. To me, its an advert that tries to gee us (the listener) up post the chinese bat flu and the dark times, but is actually a pointed dig at little England post Brexit. Go to fuck HSBC and Tokscunt, last time I did geography, England was a big part of a great island.

McDonald’s adverts. Who eats that’s pile of steaming scrapes from the abattoir floor anyway? And with that fella who does the advert with his false matey mate voice coming over the airwaves every 20minutes, it boils my piss. No I don’t want a Maccy Dees fucking eggs mcflurry double cheese milk shake, you cunt. Nor I am I waiting in a drive through for the ‘privelage’

Finally, the O2 ‘Pay as you Glow’ advert, voiced by one of the dark keys or Jigaboos who can’t pronounce his words correctly and keep droppin tha last letta from most of wat he is sayin. That’s of course when you can hear anything from the vocal above the din of the jungle jive being played in the background. Not sure who this piece of radio airwaves generated excrement is aimed at, but it sure ain’t a white male who is middle aged working class and tax paying.

I’m gonna build myself a personal faraday cage to insulate me from the rape of my eardrums.

Marconi must be spinning in his grave, the cunt.

Nominated by: LeonardoDiCunty 

.. and on a very slightly different tangent, but covering the same kind of area

I want to nominate TV channel hopping, because no matter what time I do it, I always land on a commercial break, usually right at the start of the break and it goes on for a good five minutes. Then the next channel has exactly the same adverts in the same order. The exception of course being Auntie Beeb, but who wants to watch that?

Nominated by: Mystic Maven 

…. and another take from Lord Helpuss…

Daytime Digital TV ads are due for a nomination.

There are some cracking retro TV channels like Talking Pictures which shows a lot of classic films and series. Even in monochrome they are miles better than most of the modern shite we have to endure on the BBC/ITV axis. Proper scripts and stories, real stars.

One thing spoils them. The bloody adverts in between. Naturally aimed at the older viewer they consist of funeral plans, motorised buggies, bladder-leak pants,  travel insurance for fogies. Invariably, the actors depict the target audience as one step away from entering second childhood or dementia. They witter on excitedly about payouts and comparisons in a way that indicates how much they are looking forward to their own demise. They talk to each other like they have swallowed the brochures (old folk still love brochures) and are spewing out the words therein. Natural conversations they are not.

Then there are the endless charidee ads which are even more depressing. Little kids of colour drinking filthy water, tigers being shot, donkies being abused. It’s all guilt guilt how dare you sit there in your armchair with all this suffering going on? You selfish old sod. OK you’ve worked all your life, paid lots of tax but you can’t keep all your money to yourself. OK you help your kids and grandkids out but even so… give us your cash grandad.

If you are stupid enough to give in and buy an exit plan they will pester you with letters suggesting you up your premiums. Or if you give to a charidee they are such caring people that they will pass your details on to all the other begging bowl hyenas to hound you just like they did to that poor old woman who ended up giving away everything and dying in a ditch.

Yes I can mute the sound until my programme returns. I’m probably the faster muter in the east, pardner.
But I like to keep track on how truly awful these ads are. And they are BAD.

Stupid whiny cunts who go on holiday to Spain 10 minutes after they have got control of the Chinese pangolin pandemic and are now surprised that they have to self isolate for 14 days when they get back, surprise fucking surprise.

The bit i especially enjoyed was the dozy bint who was moaning because they were in financial difficulty and cant afford to be off work, i mean how stupid can you get?

I know I’m skint so I’m gonna book a holiday and go to the worst hit place after China, Good plan, cunts…

Nominated by: Fuglyucker 

A cup of non Yorkshire tea cunting for the awkward schoolboy with too short trousers (“You are bloody well wearing them, bastard”! “Aww, Mum – I’m the Chancellor and I should be allowed to choose my own clothes by now” ?)

, who after pressure from the usual lunatic suspects, is actively looking into putting BAME figures on UK Currency – I suggest George Floyd pushing a gun into a pregnant white Womans stomach or perchance little Lewis Hamilcunt doing the black panther terrorist salute – but I am doubtful – it won’t be these heroes for the cause,

I think it will end up being the forgotten (invented) black Woman who really landed on the Moon, or Deshawn Bannister, who everyone knows was the first Brudda to break the four minute Mile.

I think a nice image of me with my cock out and a t shirt with “Fuck BLM marxists” would be highly appropriate as a new image on our money, if Labour have anything to do with it there will be a hammer and bleeding sickle on it but luckily Boris the narcoleptic traitor will be asleep when they decide which terrorist or criminal they put on the money.

My fiver has a nice picture of Pitt the Younger on it – and despite the reputation of Yorkshire people for tightness if it comes to it I will unfold it to its full A4 size and consider finally breaking into it! (At gunpoint).

Don’t do it teaboy – I do not want to see some BAME fucker gurning at me every other Year when I get money out!

As the esteemed Sir Fiddler would say – “It’s a fucking disgrace”.

Nominated by: Vernon Fox 

https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/news/bame-figures-to-feature-on-uk-coins-for-first-time/26/07/

The Leftwaffe, once again, have put themselves in my sights. This time, attempting to have a go at Alan Sugar, and completely underestimating their target. Lord Sugar tweeted a comment about Ian Wright’s attire, which wasn’t particularly pleasant to look at. Anyway, the comment contained the sentence “a little too dark?” Naturally, this was disingenuously taken by the Leftwaffe to be a reference to the colour of Ian’s skin, rather than his suit. One dumb shit even tweeted “did Alan Sugar just make a racist comment about Ian Wright?” No, you thick twat. He made a joke about his fucking suit. And this is just one of the many reasons why I hate the Leftwaffe. They will take a comment and deliberately twist it to make it mean something they think they can use against the person posting the comment. It’s what they ALWAYS do, and that’s one of the reasons I despise them. They’re lying, disingenuous cunts.

And as I said, they completely underestimated their targeted. Alan Sugar and Ian Wright are friends, have been for years. And the comment was a joke. And as soon as Sugar heard about the Leftwaffe getting all bent out of shape over that joke, he went back onto twatter and hit them with a broadside, telling them to “shut the fuck up” and “go to hell”. And since these pansy ass lefties are used to people immediately doing a U-turn and begging for forgiveness that will never be forthcoming, I imagine it came as quite a surprise to encounter someone who was willing and more than able to stand up to them.

Who the fuck did they think they were dealing with? Alan Sugar is a top businessman. He’s been a top businessman for at least forty years. You don’t get to the top, and stay there, in business by being a soft twat. You need to be as hard as fuck, and Lord Sugar is definitely hard as fuck. He will be not be silenced, and he certainly won’t be cancelled. You’ve lost this one dickheads. Do what Alan says. Shut the fuck up and move on. You bunch of cunts.

Nominated by QDM

QDM wanted a second helping

The Leftwaffe and their dipshit cancel culture deserve a nomination. Yes, those ignorant, far left, self important, faux geniuses on twitter have struck again. This time, their target is George R R Martin, author of the Game of Thrones series of novels, which after about twenty years he’s yet to finish. Apparently, George is a racist, sexist, homophobe and transphobe. Why? Because while hosting this year’s Hugo awards, he mispronounced the names of some authors. The utter cunt. And in video released prior to the awards, he talked about the Oscars and the Emmy’s, describing the Emmy award as a woman with wings. That made him sexist. Also, whilst talking about some other award, he called it by the name it was known as prior to it being changed last year. Oh yes, he also praised dead white male authors, so that made him racist. And sexist. Not sure where the homophobia and transphobia fit into it. Then again, these dipshit allegations come from the kind of people who would accuse a urinal in the men’s toilets of being transphobic.

Naturally, this prompted the usual bullshit on Twitter from the type of dickheads who think they’re intellectually and morally superior to everyone else, but really aren’t. One asshole tweeted: “I wish I lived in a world where George R R Martin didn’t feel comfortable in expressing his opinion”. Clearly the sort who only believes in free speech when the speech is in line with their own fascist bullshit. And when George made the huge mistake of tweeting an apology, there was much screaming that it wasn’t good enough and not a real apology. One particularly retarded cunt tweeted an offer to teach George, for money, how to make a proper apology. Even though their against capitalism. Not that against it if they’re not willing to do it for free.

The WORST thing anyone who triggers the demented Leftwaffe can do, is a apologise. All it does is make the fuckers worse. It’s the literal red rag to be a bull. The best thing is either to ignore them or, better still, go on the attack. They’re going to at least try to cancel you anyway, so you may as well go out fighting. These motherfuckers have no concept of things like decency, honesty and most especially, irony. If they did, they would realise that THEY are the fascists, racists, homophobes, sexists etc.

In the US, and shortly over here, there is a concerted effort to sideline women for the cult of transsexuality. Many public bodies, such as the American Cancer Society, don’t talk about women anymore, they talk about “individuals with a cervix”. Err, that women, you dumb cunts. Because only women have a cervix. Just like it’s only women who have periods. Men CANNOT have periods, as these evil fascist bastards claim. Why? Because biology motherfuckers.

I nominate charity cheaters.

Now I have always had a healthy suspicion of the charity ethos. Firstly, because I doubt that most of the money ever reaches the intended recipients. And secondly, because those involved in raising money seem more interested in raising their own public profile. Especially celebs of course.

Well, covid has been charity central with every man and his dog doing something whacky like mountaineering on their stairs or sitting like a gnome in their garden for countless hours to bring their cause (and themselves) to the attention of the media. Sir Tom is an amiable exception though show-offs like Michael Ball hijacked his bandwagon.

Latest example is one Asif Amirat (as if I’m a rat) who claimed to be doing marathons around his coffee table. One a day for 100 days or so he said. He put some videos on face ache to prove his point. But they didn’t last long enough to verify his wondrous feats. And people started doing their sums and realising that nobody could do that many rounds of a coffee table in a day to match a marathon. Especially at the slouching pace Amirat moved at. Plus – he also has a full time job and young twins around the house.

In short the man is a fraud and although he raised £6000 for charidee I don’t think that excuses his cheating. He’s a cunt.

Nominated by: Lord Helpuss