Ok, so I’m nominating stores that are already selling/advertising Christmas goods and services. I mean…FUCK RIGHT OFF YOU CUNTS!!!!! According to the carol, or whatever you want to call it, there are TWELVE days of Christmas. Ask Asda, Tesco, Morrisons or any of the other superstores and they’ll tell you that there are ninety to one hundred days of fucking Christmas.

Now I’m no Grinch. I love a good a piss up as much as the next man. Even if the next man happens to be Oliver Reed, Peter O’Toole, Richard Harris or George Best, (may they all rest in glorious peace). But there comes a time when you have to stand up and say enough is fucking enough. As I type this, the time is; 00:10, 6/11/16. At approximately 23:55 on 05/11/16, I saw my first Christmas advert from one of the big stores.

Do you know what my overriding memory of LAST Christmas was? Standing in a queue at Debenhams in Manchester City centre, behind a woman who smelled as though she hadn’t bathed/showered for at least a month. And this was around 20th of December 2015, and it was pretty fucking cold, so you could probably add another month to my estimate. I would have walked away, but I really wanted my jar of boiled sweets. Along with excessive alcohol consumption, they’re the only thing that keep me sane.

I quite like the Christmas market we get every year. The giant bratwurst hotdogs bring great memories of being stationed in Germany. What I absolutely hate, is the recent tradition of the likes of John Lewis, Debenhams etcetera, doing these “tear jerking” adverts. I mean fuck……off! I will not be opening my wallet in your stores because you show an advert in which a paedo on the moon is spying on a young girl. In my view, Christmas is from the 14th December to the 26th, then it’s over for another year, and I can begin planning the fucking awesome New Year party for my mates, in my Man Cave.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

A nice out of season Christmas Cunting!

Its not here yet but a few thoughts, Christmas is just another day, celebrated by a micro minority who actually believe in a faith, celebrated by a mass of consumer brain washed morons and ignored by quite a few people.

So we have a day, 24 hours in which everything has to be perfect.

Now my day to day life is not perfect and it doesn’t fuck my year up, I had a right shit meal at the Harvester last night, but I don’t think its an omen of things to come.

World peace? now thats another fine concept, we can take the day off from killing each other, thing is I get bored easily so a quick burst on the HMG on boxing day does me the world of good, just to get things rolling again.

Perhaps most of all do you know the top selling item at Christmas?

Toilet seats, well that sums it all up millions of households treat themselves to a new bog seat to impress their relatives, bunch of cunts.

Just goes to prove christmas is a load of shit.

Nominated by: Lord Benny

What the fuck is the matter with people who buy food at Christmas?

Anybody watch that programme last week about eating well for less at Christmas? The cunts in question spent over £1,400 on Christmas grub and booze and threw most of it away afterwards. The ‘experts’ got the bill down to around the £400 mark. And the cunts had no idea what they spent last year! Why has this country gone financially stupid???

And why exactly do we buy a fucking great big turkey that’s big enough for five times the number who are going to eat it? Boxing day? Cold turkey and salad followed by turkey and cranberry sauce sarnies for tea. Next day? Same. Day after? Same again.

Fuck me if we’re not in danger of having dried up turkey sarnies well into new year – unless, of course, we’re like those cunts on the telly that throw 85% of it away after Chrissie lunch!

Silly cunts!

Anyway, now I’ve got that off me chest, I’m off for a turkey sandwich…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Xmas, a once religious festival hijacked by ad men and capitalist cunts.

I fucking hate everything about it, from the Christmas card shenanigans, to secret santa at work, to the works xmas party, to the shit on TV, to the fucking overpriced Turkey, to the fucking family gatherings, to the tatty tree and decorations, to ‘everyone’ wishing you happy christmas starting in November. A load of shite that costs you the best part of £1000 for 24 fucking hours.

Then as soon as it gets to 6pm on xmas day the TV starts with it’s xmas sales adverts, then every woman on TV has a ‘fitness’ DVD out, then you get the adverts for summer holidays.

FUCK OFF

If I was single I would sit at home in my pants drinking fucking beer & Jack Daniels and eat a pizza for dinner, Xmas done all for under £60…

Nominated by: Boaby

People who spend thousand of pounds and expend countless hours of their time covering their houses with Christmas lights are complete and utter cunts.

Get a fucking life!

Nominated by: Dioclese