A Nugeesque cunting please for Patches, an American moggie weighing four times what it should at over 40 pounds. No photo of the owner here who let Tiddles get this big, but doubtless it’s a gargantuan human Moby Dick look-a-like who thinks kitty is just a bit ‘curvy’.

Anyway, fatso has been rehomed and the new owner has it on a diet. Hopefully in time it will once again be able to scour out it’s arsehole like any cat should. Personally I’d put it on a zero calorie diet and tell the fat feline fucker to catch a mouse if it doesn’t like it.

Express

Nominated by Geordie Twatt

A further helping of feline fun from Ron Knee below.

Cats

Cats are cunts. I should know, having had to put up with one lounging about the house for twenty years, just so the wife can dote on it. After the last little fucker popped his paws, I swore never again, but inevitably gave in to the wife’s tearful entreaties. Enter Gerald on the scene, the lazy fat fuck.

Every day’s the same. He’s outside the back door at half seven in the morning, meowing to get back in after a night on the tiles. Chances are he’ll look a bit the worse for wear after a good fight, with a rip to his ear or half his whiskers missing. Either that or he’ll swagger in looking complacent; a sure sign that he’s put a bit into next door but one’s kitty again.

After threading himself around the wife’s legs to get his scran, he’ll retire to one of his favourite dossing spots to spend the next hour scratching himself and licking his arse before inevitably dozing off, spending the next several hours farting and snoring. Then he’ll wake up at some point in the evening to get his nose bag on before he wants the door open so he can fuck off again. Rinse and repeat.

I mean, I honestly don’t get it. What is the point of having a cat? Left to me, the useless, free-loading twat would be out on his ear, but the wife thinks the sun shines out his arse.

Oh well, I suppose that I should be grateful for the fact that he condescends to let us live in the same house and take care of all his material needs, including his regular vet bills. He’s really on easy street, the little bastard.

I nominate The Arch Bishop of Canterbury.

Yes, the slack-jawed, latent (or blatant) homosexual, His Grace, the Most Very Reverend, Justin Welby,

Is it any wonder the the C of E has totally collapsed, when the person in charge of trying to steer sinners in the direction of God doesn’t even believe He exists? WTF???

Oh for the days of Henry VIII. This prick’s head would have been on a pole quicker than you could say “metropolitan elitist arse-bandit millionaire”.

His lives in a palace, literally, and has the fucking audacity to pontificate on poverty. He made millions from his time “working” for Shell, then bleats about pollution and climate change. Even the Africans have had enough, ex-communicating him and his horror show of a church for his stance on bum-banditry. He bin eatin da poo poo. Obviously.

Anyone seeking spiritual solace from this twat, or his gang of n0nces, shucksters, snake-oil salesmen needs their head looking into. You’d be better off talking to Mystic Meg, and she’s dead. At least she didn’t pretend to believe in a god she openly confessed not to believe in.

I personally believe that Christ was real and what he said was true. Aside from all the personal stuff I believe, one thing comforts my inner Hitler when raging about utter scum like Welby, and it’s this –

God has a special place for hypocrites.

Virtue online

Nominated by Termujin.

 
The Beeg ishu or scav rag as it’s known here.
The Big issue North produced in Manchester is going to stop printing.

It blames the death of the
High street, Corona virus,
The cost of living crisis,
Rising costs of energy,
Tory government ,
Pretty much anything on it’s dwindling sales.

One thing it doesn’t blame is the fact that Big issue sellers have gone from our own indigenous tramps to being sold exclusively by eastern European gypsies .

People in the North don’t tend to like these head scarf and cardigan pikeys.
Whereas they might feel a bit of pity for some home grown Billy ciderpants.

So they can add racism to their list of reasons for failure.?

Guardian

Nominated by Miserable northern cunt.

want their genitals null and void as it were. They want ‘nul point’ for their ‘wedding tackle’. For it is mostly men.

They want it all removed and for their groin area to be ‘smooth’.

The ‘Nullo’ movement started in Japan. The leader in Japan served his penis and testicles at a dinner.
As you do.

So it must be a desire to be a eunuch then. Mmm…

I bet it is an aesthetic thing with them. The penis and testicles aren’t very pretty to look at no doubt.

It will be that. And a kind of Puritism the Japanese have – to be free of sexual desire.

Ken the boyfriend of Barbie comes to mind, naked. Thats what they want- a smooth plastic look all the way round.
Daily Fail

Nominated by Miles Plastic.

 

Pornography. There’s an awful lot of it about. Just go on the internet, and the sheer volume of it will burn out your laptop if you aren’t careful. I’ve seen it all, or at least I thought I had…

Then the other day I came upon something called ‘pantry porn’. Now before any of you lot start, let me quickly point out that this doesn’t involve getting your other half into a cupboard and slowly rubbing her down with warm olive oil (not that this of itself lacks appeal). No, it’s something far more outlandish and kinky than that. Pantry porn is a name that’s been given to the shocking fad of *gasp* posting pictures of your well stocked and ordered larder on social media for others to see.

By now some of you may have guessed that pantry porn is yet another loony contruct stemming from America’s deranged culture wars, and you’d be bang on the money. It’s the thesis of a giant of American academia, one Dr Jenna Drenten, who lectures in marketing or some such useless shit at Loyola University, Chicago. I’ll let Dr Drenten spell it out in her own words;

“Cleanliness has historically been used as a cultural gatekeeping mechanism to reinforce status distinctions based on a vague understanding of ‘niceness’; nice people with nice yards in nice houses make for nice neighbourhoods. What lies beneath the surface of this pro-niceness stance is a history of classist, racist and sexist social structures”.

According to Drenten, looking at pictures of a clean, nicely organised pantry thereby equate with viewing pornography. She calls these images ‘pantry porn’. Struth, who’d have thought it? A sexist and racist pantry. And who’d have thought that people can actually get themselves a tidy little sinecure in cloistered academia in order to come up with this piffle?

Meanwhile out in the real world, people are doing real jobs like collecting refuse and driving buses and trains, nursing the sick, producing food to feed us, and energy to light and heat homes and businesses; you know, the sorts of essential tasks that enable academics to sit in ivory towers and churn out worthless shit.

Here’s an idea Dr Drenten. Why don’t you get a real job and contribute something of actual value to the world? Just a thought…

Daily caller

Nominated by Ron Knee.

A racist Pantry, whatever next? CA.