Ive known a few ponces in my time.
They were friends until they began that treacherous slide toward poncedom.

‘Uh, mate, I can’t really get a round in. I left my wallet at home.’
‘uh, mate, is it okay to borrow a tenner for some dinner?’
‘Uh mate, I need to like borrow money for upgrading my computer/spaffing on nerdy tat because I’ve blown my month’s pay on drinking with my real mates and need to keep the rest for a bit of food and the leccy’
‘Uh, mate, can I scrounge/scab/borrow a fiver for the train?’
‘Uh, mate, before you visit the flat, can you nip to sainsburys and buy us snacks and some wine for this evening.. yeah, the missus has got money and ive got about two quid on me at the moment… can you get a book of stamps as well.. we’ve run out’.
‘Uh, mate, can I be cheeky and ask you for a favour.? Can you paint/draw signs for my kid’s school fete?… Oh, pay? but you like art and you’ve already got all the gear’.’
‘Uh, mate, can i use/borrow your van/tools to move my mate’s shit from his garage to his new flat/council tip? I’ll give you petrol money…’
‘Uh, mate, can I jget a lift to Brighton because my girlfriend’s car is at the garage?. I’ll pay you petrol money this time…’.
‘Uh, mate, can I just use your toilet for a massive shit?..Yeah i’ll flush it this time’
‘Uh, mate, csn you just bend over so I can screw some more money, time, petrol, tools, food, drink and labour out of you?’

It’s less the asking and more the creeping sense of entitlement once you do lend them money, do them a favour.

I’m done with them. Sadly my poor mum has been used by ‘friends’ and relatives on my dad’s side throughout her life because she is a helpful soul. Sometimes I will tell her she’s being taken for a mug. It’s not something I like saying to my mum but phrasing it harshly is sometimes all that prevents her from bring exploited by whichever ponce is asking for ‘just a little favour..’

get fucked you indolent, entitled, ungrateful parasites. and that’s just her in-laws/my dad’s siblings and mother.

Do cunters have tales of barefaced poncing they wish to share?

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime.

 
is a cunt.

Having heard about the shocking events this morning from Nottingham I have been following the developments online.

A 31 year old man and a van are the perpetrators according to the Beeb and ITV.

Channel 4 very surprisingly released a video where a woman described the incident that she witnessed.

She described him as a black man with dreadlocks and a beard.

This crumb of info has since been buried and Channel 4 don’t even feature these murders as newsworthy on their website.

The Beeb are playing the said interview on their website yet they’ve edited the description of “the man” out.

Nottinghamshire police released a statement online informing the public that they’d arrested somebody. With a picture of a white teenagers arm being handcuffed.

If this murdering bastard had been a white Brit then we’d know his shoe size and GCSE results by now.

The media and the entire establishment of this once great country – hang your heads in shame you disingenuous fucking treacherous serpents.

Nominated by Herman Jelmet.

The twitter link you provided has been taken down it appears by twitter. Hiding something? Also yesterday Nottingham’s police own website showed a picture of what was clearly a white woman’s arm in cuffs accompanying their report on the police web site stating that they had made an arrest. The lengths some go to hide the truth/facts? C.A.

is a cunt, isn’t it.

It’s bad enough having to visit Scotland. Now, however, the Sweaties are considering a levy against the Engl….erm, against any tourists visiting Edinburger and potentially the whole of ScotchLand.

You’ll pay an extra two quid a night on top of any room price just for the privilege of being in JockLand.

With the poor showing of the Pound Sterling, it won’t make much difference to the EuroCunts, returning Aussie Convicts, or fat, gullible Yanks excited about seeing Nessie. Moreover, if anybody is stupid enough to come for the overrated Edinburger Festival, they deserve to be fleeced.

Perhaps it’s kitty money for the Sturgeon’s Husband Is Innocent appeal (“husband”).

If we pay extra, do they promise not to play the bagpipes? They produce more whining and droning than a Remoaner SNP bore.

This will be a bonanza for the toothless Jocks. They will finally be able to afford some decent Japanese whiskey. Hoots mon, they’ll be able to finally splash out on some new tartan miniskirts, deep-fried shortbread, and IrnBru-flavoured heroine.

Express

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

 

Today’s burning question is – does this unfortunate, though witless man have a normal marriage?. To put it bluntly, is Yvette Cooper a chick with a dick?. Admittedly it would be a micropenis, but he might have confused it with swollen pissflaps. I ask this question because yesterday poor old Ed really got his knickers in a twist when Professor Stock, formerly of Oxford, told roly-poly Ed that a man can’t become a woman, on a television interview:

Just a year ago the Balls son (what a wonderful invention turkey basters were!) got himself into trouble for heckling an Asian Conservative for saying the same thing.

I wonder if Eddy hopes to become an MP again as the TV career isn’t going well, as Starmer is also well known for believing that women can have a penis (or was it that men can have a cervix). Anyway, they believe it – or try to believe their unbelief, or hope that we will..

I’d like to leave both flabby faced cunts with a quotation from Simone De Bouvier “One is not born a woman, one becomes one”.(well, it was either her or a short sighted Rabbi) As a potty feminist she was a bit dopey on anatomy as well, so perhaps Balls and Starmer should join her in hell to discuss it.

Middle aged men pretending to be down with the kids makes them the biggest cunts of them all. As for poor old Balls, no wonder he has been a wanker all his life.

Express

Nominated by W C Boggs.

Now, I know you lot are all keen gardeners, so this will be of interest.
You may remember a post I did last year regarding banning of slug pellets and ” alternative” methods of slug disposal, like putting cardboard down, that these unsightly and greedy fuckers crawl under. You then, supposedly lift the cardboard with all the slugs stuck to it, and what??

Anyway, here’s this year’s gem for dealing with the cunts, that are turning your hostas into lace curtains.
Eat a melon! Yes, that’s right.
Then what, shit on them? No.

You put the scooped out half melon skin on the floor. These delightful creatures flock to gorge on the sweet pulp, and you can easily dispose of them.

Again, as with the slug encrusted cardboard, how? Where?
Garden bonfire, maybe. Next door neighbour because you hate the smug twat?
Train them to do tricks and go on BGT? Gnaw my own arm off first.
Half a fucking solution, yet again!

Huff post

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.