I was at the hospital for a going over last week; a fun morning in the urology department that was. Prior to seeing the big cheese, I went through a fluids intake chart I’d had to complete with one of the nurses, who advised me to drink caffeine free tea.

So I promptly bought a packet and brewed up, and what a flavourless, gutless apology for a cup of proper tea it was. No satisfaction whatsoever to be had from it. You might as well drink hot water with milk in it.

In a way it reminded me of wanking. It’ll do if there’s absolutely nothing else on offer, but it’s a pale shadow of the real thing.

It’s piss, that’s all there is to it. The rest of the packet has now taken up residence in the compost bin, its spiritual home. Best place for it.

Nominated by Ron Knee

 
A woe is me cunting please for this pile of human garbage. He gets sent to prison for manslaughter for five years in 2018 and when he gets out he complains that the curfew and the tag he has to wear is stopping him from partying with his mates.

He has apparently broken his bail conditions 13 times and due to some cock up at the home office he won a £18500 payout because he should have been let out from a deportation detention centre on bail .
Read the story and see if your piss boils as much as mine.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Piston Broke.

 
Cunters will be aware that it is incumbent upon Hollywood royalty to endow the little people with the benefit of their wisdom. So here’s sad old dear Jane Fonda, whose own carbon footprint matches that of a small country, flying from her multi-million dollar mansion in LA to Cannes to tell us that climate change is all the fault of racism and the patriarchy.

Yes of course it is dearie, it’s all down to us white men. Hanoi Jane says we should be arrested and jailed for our sins and fossil fuels will have to go. Interesting comments from someone who wouldn’t have a face if it wasn’t for the oil industry. Nor indeed a career if it wasn’t for nepotism and white men.

Well here’s an idea Barbarella. As the world is going to be engulfed in flames next Tuesday, I suggest you crawl back into your cryogenic pod before your visage melts. Frankly, Madame Tussaud would have made a better job of it.

NY post

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

 
They are at it again – a group of asylum seeking spongers are unhappy with their free hotel accomodation, in Pimlico, in the Victoria area – SW1 of London. Apparently they have been moved from their en suites in Essex and now they are having to scrum down in pairs and they complain about the smell – surely they could seek their remedies in a bar of Lifebuoy, but even more staggering, they are unhappy with the speed of their broadband!:

Slow broadband, indeed – they had to co,municate with sitars and bongos where they come from.

Just imagine how things will be when Starmer is in charge!

Express

Nominated by W C Boggs.

We Buy Any Car TV Ad
Someone, usually a person of colour, sells his/her car to this rip-off outfit for a minimal price and is so excited by this great fortune that they leap out of their (just sold?) car and do a really stupid dance. I thought the Schofield WBAC ads were pathetic enough. These are worse.

TV Sofa Partnerships
Male and female presenters sit there like tweedle dee and tweedle dum the one looking adoringly at the other while they take turns to speak. Boring. Clichéd. You know they really hate and compete with each other a la Phil and Holly. Yuk!

The BBC bigging itself up with constant trailers of its own programmes usually pushing the LBGT+ agenda. Actually a great advert for scrapping the licence fee.

The Great EV Scam
We’ve had this sh*t shoved down our throats for too long. Now the campaign is collapsing as sales stall because people realise it’s all a farce. The recharging infrastructure is inadequate with whole swathes of the country not covered; the prices too dear – even with huge subsidies from taxpayers and road fund licence payers (most of whom can’t afford one); damage to the environment from production of batteries and EVs; running costs too high, ranges too low. How long can the pretence go on?

I think that is enough for now although I’m sure I’ll return with more.

Nominated by Lord Helpus.